Got scolded by my doctor today, I feel humiliated :(

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What a person wants and what a person needs are not always the same thing.

A bad and depressing situation can get quite comfortable that is what is known as being stuck in a rut.

A lot of times the though of doing something is much worse then the reality.

Telling a person stuck in a rut that everything is fine and they should just carry on as they are would be easy and lazy.

We all have to do things we don't like but they are worth it in the end.

I have visited loads of countries from the fruits of my work.

A proverbial kick up the rear is kicking somebody out of their comfort zone and most times in the medium to long term this is best for the person.

I think you are making excuses because the next step scares you.

Guess what it scared the Hell of me too but I am still here to tell the tale.

I am doing the same mediocre work all day long and it keeps me busy and my mind engaged and guess what I am not depressed these days.

Having money in your bank account gives you freedom.

By your own admission you are depressed trust me get yourself busy and you will not be depressed.

You might have plenty of worry and stress instead for a time but life when you really start to live it is about ups and downs.

I think I disagree with a lot of this...anxiety and depression issues can be a very real barrier to finding employment...its not a matter of just not doing something you don't want to because you don't want to....the depression and anxiety can interfere with your ability to function and do what needs done.

I am actually working on getting SSI for my autism and other mental disorders, because I can't function well enough to hold a job...I am hoping maybe eventually if I can get the right kind of help or therapy maybe I could become more self sufficient and find some kind of gainful employment.

Also sometimes a proverbial kick up the rear, is a bit much for some people....so while maybe it helps motivate and encourage some. It can deeply overwhelm and stress others out to they point they get even more dysfunctional. I know I reach my stress limit long before most people so if someone pushes too hard I can't handle it.

If I need to work on getting out of my comfort zone, I have to take it slow...being kicked out of it would probably be too overwhelming.

I accept what you are saying and I know some people on the spectrum will find in impossible to hold down a job.
I am on the spectrum and I had a number of jobs before I learned how to hold a job down and believe me I was out of my comfort zone.

I accept you can not function well enough to hold down a job and you are not alone lots of people on the spectrum can not.

I can not form relationships but many people on the spectrum can.

Sweetleaf I notice you are 24 and quite a bit older then the original poster and I accept you know your own mind.

It is quite possible the original poster might be able to hold down a job and not even trying might be a very big mistake.

A kick up the rear is what got me working and I will admit it was touch and go for a few years and getting fired was devastating to my self esteem.

I started working at 17 and 5 months was the longest I ever held a job down until I reached 23.

I am in Europe and working has allowed me to visit lots of different countries in Europe I have been in North Africa and the United States.

6 years it took me to learn how to hold down a job but it was worth it in the end.

As you can see I am one of the Aspies that can work but it did not come easy and a kick up the rear end was what got me to keep trying.

While my proverbial kick in the rear might seem harsh saying he can't work because he is one the spectrum seems premature.

What if he is indeed capable of work and playing into his fears runs the risk that he might never even try?

double post.

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 03 Feb 2014, 5:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The issue is that a "kick in the butt" should be proportional to the situation. A person with anxiety issues MUST challenge their comfort zone to improve their coping skills, but what does that job isn't the same for everyone. More so, it is insulting to presume what works for you is good for another.

What is an "excuse" for one May be a legitimate "reason" for another.

Agreed and I am not trying to insult anybody.

I made excuses .

I admit I may be failing to take into account other people with ASD many be very different to me and if I am I apologize.

Six years was a long time to learn how to hold down a job but it was people behind me given we the push the eventually made we succeed in holding down jobs long term.

Also when I say a kick in the butt I mean people motivating me and not letting me spend half the day in bed.

I can see the other side some people may not be able to hold down a job but then again given time and engorgement they might crack it.

Working has made my life better I just think it would be a pity it somebody is just let give up too soon.

i got scolded by a doctor once. he told me to stop playing video games (in a very harsh way.). i stopped seeing him after that.

my personal hobbies should have been none of his business. he was supposed to just make sure i was physically healthy.

I'm sorry that doctor was a jerk. I've avoided doctors all my life, because they always made me feel like a stupid hypochondriac for having dozens of mysterious physical symptoms (which all turned out to be related to autism, though no one knew it at the time).

In terms of your work status, the only people whose opinions matter are those directly affected by your financial situation. Meaning yourself, your family, and social workers involved in your case. Other people don't know the full details of your circumstances, and are unqualified to pass judgment.

One other thing that might be going on here is something that happened to me... I was in the ER one time, and thought the doctor was being really cruel and laughing at me. But then my mom remarked what a nice doctor he was, to "gently joke" about my symptoms and "put me at ease" so I wouldn't be anxious about it. But I interpreted it as cruelty and derision, and was nearly in tears. I've come to accept that I actually have no ability to know for sure, whether someone is being mean or nice to me.

I'm not saying that's necessarily what happened in your case (and I agree, that doctor sounded like a total jerk!) But I've learned to simply not care about awkward interactions with people who ultimately don't matter. It's part of autism – certain interactions are going to be confusing and unpleasant, no matter what you do. I try my best to be polite and respectful, but beyond that, I don't beat myself up over it.

I think what you should takeaway from your visit with the doctor is not that he is a rude person, but that he believes you can work. There is nothing like learning to stand on your own two feet. To pay your way. To free yourself from leaning on others people, and to create your own life, is like learning to fly. I think your doctor was saying that you can fly, and stop worrying about every little thing.

It would be easier to see another doctor sure. However it was completely unprofessional for her to get mad at him. It wasn't her position. She doesn't know his entire circumstances either. It is not what doctors are supposed to do. You go to a doctor to tell them your problems in the hopes that they won't judge you and will help you.

To everyone else: NO you DO NOT need to be kicked up the backside in order to help yourself. You need guidance and somebody to listen.

...double

Last edited by tall-p on 04 Feb 2014, 10:26 pm, edited 2 times in total.

How do you do that?

I think it helps that I'm schizoid, and I don't actually want to interact or connect with other people. It's simply not a priority in my life. I will do my part to behave respectfully, but I'm not looking to make friends, and don't care about social status.

For people who do care about such things, it's probably harder. But even so, I think you can train yourself to ask "did I try my hardest to be polite and respectful"? And if the answer is yes, then you should feel proud of your effort, not ashamed of it. And then just try to identify on a logical basis what went wrong, and how you can avoid making that mistake in the future.

I am weird though, and generally regard other people as nothing more than an inescapable factor of accomplishing my main objective (getting a medical checkup, etc.) But on the other hand, I think I've developed this attitude as a survival mechanism, after a lifetime of bad experiences.

So, so true.

I'm so tired of people who think being unkind to you will somehow make you magically able to do things you previously felt incapable of, but won't offer you the sort of friendly and supportive help that you'd actually need and be endlessly grateful for.

I think that self-motivation is more important than other people being nice or mean to me. I don't know what to do if you don't have self-motivation.