Willard wrote:
My experience has been that there is a definite arc over a period of years, in terms of social functionality, peaking at about age 30, so you are all as socially functional right now as you will likely ever be.
However, don't ever allow yourself to forget that if your brain is wired so that it has less than a normal capacity for recognizing nonverbal signals (autistic), no matter how well you may think you are functioning socially, you are not capable of always knowing when you're missing something and reacting inappropriately, unless others tell you.
And very often, they will not tell you, they will simply wait until you're out of the room and giggle behind your back, or just as bad, wink at each other over your head when you're not looking.
You can't ever know for sure just how socially functional you are because that's your disability.
I don't agree 100% with this. Sure, it is true in some cases, but not every Aspie is totally oblivious to their actions and all the social cues. I have proven to be average with recognising body language in other people. Also I have picked up and learned a lot over the years about NT behaviour, as I do observe that a lot, and I'm still working on improving my social skills. I usually just know if somebody likes me or not. I didn't used to when I was a teenager, I used to just guess and hope for the best. But now as I've gotten older I have sort of developed a sense of intuition what tells me if a person likes me and is willing to be friends or not. I have learnt not to be so clingy like I used to be with people, but I am still working on how to not back away too much from a friendship either (I do tend to back away a bit sometimes because of an irrational fear of rejection. I have been rejected a lot in the past, which has made me lose confidence in myself).
I still make social errors, but something tells me immediately after that I shouldn't have said or done that. And if I do something that's socially appropriate, something inside me applaudes, which then helps me learn more social skills.
Not all Aspies need someone telling them in clear English what we do right and what we do wrong. Some of us can figure it out for ourselves. Having Asperger's does not mean we are completely missing the part of our brain called instinct. I'm not a logical Aspie anyway, I'm more of an emotional type, so I can usually pick up other people's emotions and cotton on to non-verbal cues.
Female asperger's does tend to present a little differently. What you're describing is a classic case of social adaptation. If my psych is right and I am in fact on the spectrum im much the same however. Even so my instincts are often wrong. The amount of people I believe hate my guts is far to high to be plausible for instance so I know im misreading alot.
11 Feb 2014, 6:55 am
