Asperger's makes me seem un-ladylike

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"Ladylike" is a cultural term and to me it means:

-passivity
-always deferring to men
-dependency (at a price)
-pretence
-acting demure
-giving away your power to others and letting them call the shots/control you
-never expressing anger (storing it up and making yourself sick instead)

The slur of "unladylike" has been used to control and keep women "in their place" - ie second class citizens,
offering emotional and social support to others and never receiving it themselves. At this stage in my life, with a few miles under my belt, if someone called me ladylike I would probably be offended, though it would have seemed complimentary once.

The men who like women being ladylike will be the first to call you "a b***h" when you express any of your wants, thoughts or needs. Harsh, but that's how I have seen it play out in life.

"Asperger's makes me seem un-ladylike"

Uh your having a penis does that.

Shouldn't this whole thread be in the gay section?

PS glad to hear you're getting help along with your parents I wish you all the best.

I've always hated the term, ladylike. It makes me want to gag to be honest. I shouldn't have to be the weak one, just because of my birth order. I've never considered myself to be a lady and I'm not going to start now. I say lots of things that are unladylike to my friends when I'm together with them and that makes me feel powerful and satisfied.

There was one time when a couple and their daughter was over at our house for dinner when I was 13. Brad tried to pop a wheely on my cousin's 10 speed bike. He fell on the sidewalk and skinned his arms. My mum was in the bathroom disinfecting and patching him up. My dad asked, "What are you two doing in there?" I blurted, "They're having sexual intercourse!" That was my way of rebelling against my dad nagging me to be ladylike.

I've never felt female, and perhaps for me that's a good thing. I've always felt that I was too big and strong to be female. I also have that same Beatle haircut I had back than that my feminine mum tried to mess with, in order to make me look more like a girly.

What has "being ladylike" to do with change of gender? "Being ladylike" is simply an artificial behavior some woman do, not something that is forced on you by sex. I am female, but behave as well not much "ladylike", simply because of me not caring for it. Its as if you would say, that once you have a penis you were forced to act like proletarian douchebag, to be "malelike". Luckily as a man and a woman, you are nowadays allowed to be simply yourself.

To be honest, I don't know many women who are lady-like.

All the women I know are as rough as old a***holes.

I sadly cant connect to youtube from work, but when thinking about the term "ladylike" all that "ladylike sketches" from Little Britain come into my mind. ^^

Do you mean like this?^^

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4THO9-N--k4[/youtube]

If Beneficii says the surgery is best for her, it is. I think it's safe to say that anyone who doesn't need it isn't really qualified to discuss the necessity.

There's plenty of great women out there who are not lady-like. I've met many.

Personally, I think aspergers makes people neither 'manly' or 'lady-like'. The 'super-dominant' stereotype of 'manly', and the equally stereotypical 'prim-proper-perfect civilian' that is 'ladylike' are not things that come to mind when I think of aspergers. According to your father, does this mean that aspies should be genderless?

But then again, this is just from my personal experience through an aspie eyes, and with a few aspie acquaintances.

You don't have to be ladylike all the time, or even most of the time. It just depends on where you are and who you are with. I'm not ladylike at all, although I do dress that way over half the time. I can also be, sound and act like a perfect lady. It's not "who I am" really, and I don't think it's who anybody really is because most of the very ladylike ladies I've been friends with aren't so ladylike when it's just us sitting around. However, it is something you need to at least know how to do for certain times, mainly social ones and more formal social ones. Or snooty ones, like Junior League if you are interested in that. But for day to day, just be yourself. I seriously doubt that you spit or adjust yourself in public, or walk around with grease under your nails or things like that.

To me, ladylike is really just charm school stuff. Not hard at all to learn. Tell your dad that if he wants to see you ladylike then to take you out to a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant. Dress to the nines and put on your best ladylike manners so he can see. Also, explain to him that most of the lady's he meets who are ladylike aren't that way in private and certainly not all the time.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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