Loneliness and ASD

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Neilson:

Hastings is so historic that it's incredible! What is your opinion of the White Cliffs of Dover?

How did I miss this post? But yes, exactly. That's what I was trying to say but you said it better.

I like it there, there are three main groups in the town, an arts and craft bunch, who I know some of and are really open minded, the old town including the beach fishing fleet and the new town.

The history there from the Cinque Ports through to the modern competition between the Bonfire Associations is amazing, a truly pagan style celebration with macabre costumes, thunder flashes going off in the streets and effigies being burnt on the beach, pretty wild really.

Where are you in the world Kraftie?



They are cliffs that are white and near to Dover.

I'm in New York City, Borough of Queens.

I guess the legend of the White Cliffs of Dover has to do with soldiers feeling like they're home in England after being on the Continent during WW II.

Hastings sounds like a swell atmosphere for Bumble. She could accumulate Nectar-Delights there .

Well hello New York.



I think it runs deeper than that, they are also a good security feature back in the days of invasion threats, as there are very few places to land where the crossing from europe is at it's shortest.

I actually have very strong feelings about the white cliffs, I used to work as a professional sailor. Not only could the sea state be severe there with the atlantic swell being funnelled up the coast, the only safe havens are very hard to get into in poor weather and it's also one of the busiest commercial shipping areas too. Sorry I don't want to derail the thread any more.



Yes I have tried quite a few nectar delights in Hastings, not sure we are talking about the same thing though.

Last edited by neilson_wheels on 10 Apr 2014, 9:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

I hope Bumble comes back. She's a nice person.

The Nectar-Delight metaphor has more to do with intellectual/social/aesthetic content more than Dionysian content.

I'm sure she will, I think she just needs to vent some frustration.

Yes, both versions are available there.

I don't tell peoples business to everyone...unless I need support or I am having a problem and need someone to confide in about the way they are treating me.

I don't understand what is meant by this?

I would only discuss someone elses business if they were acting in a way that was abusive towards me and I need to report it or find someone to confide in. Such as with the drug guy recently. He is prone to bizarre behaviours that worried me and I needed to vent. He would threaten to never talk to me again if I didn't have cyber sex with him when and as he demanded, he insisted on knowing what i was doing online when I was not talking to him (demanding...this man was not dominant over me or similar and we were not in a romantic or committed relationship), he would rant on and on and on at me about how his drug use was my fault when he lost control of it, that I would be alone forever unless I went out with him and one time the neighbours had to tell him to leave as he was causing a disturbance outside my door and was banging and shouting via the letter box because I had gave him my address and arranged to meet him, changed my mind, told him not to come but he turned up anyway and wouldn't leave.

He is a big man of over 6 feet and his persistence scared me so i would not open the door.

I don't gossip if that is what people are implying.

Last edited by bumble on 10 Apr 2014, 9:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

It was Archaeology and Heritage studies.



I don't mind you asking. She had multiple disabilities, some physical, some mental health. She was disabled out of the army in her 20's after contracting TB for which she had had surgery. She only had one lung and couldn't walk for long distances or carry heavy items. She also had diabetes (type 2, which my half brother also had. My other half brother had celiac disease). Her mental health issues were depression, anxiety and paranoid delusions. She was in her 60s and 70s by the time that got really bad though. She believed people were poisoning her food and she either would not leave her house or would set up booby traps everywhere when she did. When she did go out she would turn up at my place at 2am ranting about people trying to kill her and how the council (other authority here) was in on the plot. You could not tell her otherwise otherwise she would accuse you of being a conspirator. She also used to just take off and I'd get phone calls from bed and breakfast owners asking me to collect her as she obviously had mental health issues.

My family left her for me to look after (wouldn't help much) and I did for some years but after a while I couldn't cope so called the emergency mental health services. She wouldn't speak to me after that as she said I was in on the plot. She died some months later unexpectedly from pneumonia.

My dad was the one with the social difficulties like me though...he was disabled as well as my mum but by a riding accident in his youth. He had similar problems to myself. He could not make friends, was known to upset people socially, he had upsets like I do (shouting episodes especially if his routines were disturbed), lived in a world of his own and when I was a child other parents would not let their kids come round and play with me whilst my dad was there because he was labelled as a psychopath due to his inability to show empathy (the man had feelings though, he was the one who nicknamed me bumble because I was clumsy. Bumble is an affectionate name) and because of his 'socially inappropriate' behaviour.

Mum was more social until her mind went when she got older. In her case she was never short of friends in her youth. She was engaged 8 times, married 3 and she always had people round for tea in my youth. She was academically brighter than my dad who failed at school. My mum on the other hand finished top of her class.

My mum always said I was like my father (thanks mum lol) but I think I am strange mix of the both of them.



I do but its locked in my shed and I have lost the door keys. I am always losing things....keys, bills, pens, my sanity. If i ever manage to break in, afford a lock smith or find the keys I will see if the bike is in good working order or not. It may be rusty by now, it was 20 years old before I got it locked in there and its been in the shed now for 3 years (I am still hoping to find the keys one day, I just don't seem to want to give up on them).

As for high crime areas I stay away from them. They scare me. When I lived in a city we used to have gangs that would hang around by the shops. They would harass you and follow you out of the shopping insisting that you give them money or cigarettes (I used to smoke in those days, I don't now, I quit a year ago). I was glad to move away from there and its why I don't really want to go back to city life. I am far more timid than I might seem online and am scared of aggressive people or violence.

My bothers could be violent, they are alcoholics (and also much older than myself) and were often in and out of jail for assaulting police officers. One of them actually threw me across the kitchen once and then kicked me in the back repeatedly leaving a bruise mark of the tread of his boot there. I thought he was going to kill me. I was only 15. I'd asked mum for some bus fare money and it had apparently pissed him off. I can still see him pointing his finger in my face and ranting at me before he threw me, so much so I can still envisage the spit flying out of his mouth as he did so.

I was going to press charges against him but my mum talked him out of it. My half brothers are alive but are 200 miles away and I stay away form them. I am scared of them, I won't get involved.



Oh I don't mind walking, I often walk to Aylsham during the day along the bure valley walkway, but it is a country area and there are no street lamps at night. If I went to social groups though they are all run at night and I don't want to walk back on my own in the dark through deserted countryside.

It its a light night (summer) or I can make the walk before it gets dark I don't mind.

You've had quite a life! I'm sorry you had to go through that. Somehow, you still got A Grades in school!

I know it's difficult getting a post in Archaeology. "Heritage" could encompass much. Does it have something to do with anthropology?

Have you ever thought about working in Social Services yourself? I could understand if you're reluctant, owing to the bureaucracy. I believe your experiences would, inevitably, provide you with"street cred," and empathy, for you know, from experience, what your clients are going through.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 10 Apr 2014, 9:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

I don't want to get involved in helping people anymore as it usually goes badly. People think I am judging them when I was only trying to help so I am sorry but I have had too much abuse from people already and I no longer wish to interfere. Also I am afraid of people who are aggressive and violent so would not be very good at house visits if domestic violence was involved.

I freeze when under attack in person, I'd be no good at dealing with people who were shouting at me as I see being shouted at as a threat.

I understand.

I wish I could do the Social Services thing myself--but I'm not seen as being "cool" by potential clients; I'm not seen as having "street cred." I have stalwart beliefs which don't jibe with theirs.

I believe, with the clear vision afforded by separation and time, that you be quite a useful friend for people in distress, indeed--if you are not already. I believe you would also be effective on Internet Forums (just be careful with them!)

Can't you get a locksmith to break that lock to your shed?

At least in America, one could purchase a somewhat decent bike for about $150. I would imagine you could do the same in the UK for 150 pounds.

The only thing I am interested in judging is the following:

Are we compatible
Do I enjoy their company
Do I trust them
Do I feel safe around them

Anything else is none of my f*****g business love. I don't care whether someone thinks they are worthless or worthy or the god of all of giant pink tutu land...its not my place to decide such things even if I did believe in them, which I don't.

I do have a right to decide if I feel safe around someone or trust them etc though.

[/quote]

Can they work on their insecurity issues?



I am not being nasty but this does not make logical sense to me. If someone does not want to do something I just assume they don't like it. I don't think further than that. I don't see how someone gets from someone not wanting to do something to it saying that they are a bad person for wanting to do it. Can you explain the logic further to me of how they get from one point to another? If someone does not want to join me in an activity I then offer an alternative type of entertainment until we both find something we like and want to do.

If I do give advice it is purely because I am trying to help. I think it is nice to feel healthy and have vitality and thought others might like to feel the same.



To use an example, in the case of the drugs for example, I do not wish to be exposed to cannabis myself due to bad reactions to it in the past (tried it once when I was a teenager, bad panic attack, didn't like it), not even at a low level. However provided the persons behaviour does not affect me, I am not expected to join in or I am not exposed to it I have no issue with someone using occasionally, especially if it is just weekend use of cannabis at a friends house (what a partner or friend does at someone elses house is their business).

I would prefer someone that didn't use for compatibility reasons though.



They don't seem to understand things and it frustrates me when I can't explain what I mean to them because they don't understand what I am trying to say and keep adding all this meaning that is not there (like assuming i think they are bad or worthless because I don't want to do drugs...I just don't get the logic, at all, or the connection. Do they feel bad about themselves for doing drugs? why would they even think that someone would think them bad or worthless for doing drugs if they felt good about their drug use and were ok with it. Yes I know society can be down on people but I just ignore its judgements if I am fine with something. ie if the world judged me for playing piano I'd tell it to go f**k itself and carry on playing, especially as I don't see what harm piano playing could do, unless someone had exceptionally sensitive hearing and the playing was particularly bad). I measure things by how much harm they cause, not by using value judgements such as worthless (with a few exceptions in the case of bullies. I have a strong dislike of bullies and zero respect for them).

So if someone is doing cannabis and it is not harming them, then fine. If they are using all sorts and it's clearly hurting them, I have been tempted to speak up. If they are violent I steer clear (and don't say drug users or alcoholics can't be violent and that they are all peace loving hippies. I am sorry but they are not). There is no one hard and fast rule for anything with me, but I am not suited to certain enviornments and don't wish to place myself in them.

I have tried explaining this to people but they still insist on saying I called them worthless or bad when I said no such thing. It is frustrating and leaves me rather flummoxed as to what the hell is going on because it does not make any sense.

Bad in what way? based on what criteria..drug use alone? Deciding whether someone is bad or not is a far more complex procedure than that. Define bad?

Same goes for worthless...worthless in what way, compared to what?



Seriously? But I would want friends who kindly informed me if I were misinformed or similar I don't think I'd appreciate it if they let me carry on in error without at least pointing what my perceived error was whilst either showing me the correct facts or a solid argument that I can at least consider (without being rude or harsh or nasty about it).

I'd be very uncomfortable with someone who didn't at least give me a chance to correct my mistaken beliefs or inaccurate knowledge.

i really really don't understand people at all....the logic.

I really dont mean that in a nasty way, people are so strangely confusing.

You would rather be left with incorrect information and beliefs?

[/quote]

I did say there were some nice individuals but not everyone in the world is nice and the truth is, as much as the human ego does not want to hear it, out there in the world there are:

Arrogant people
Criminals
Bullies
People who enjoy hurting others
People who are not very smart
People who are very smart
People who are neither
People who are nasty
People who are spiteful
People who suffer from jealousy issues
People who are secure
people who are insecure
People who are kind
People who are funny
People who are serious
People who sometimes visit the space up their own arse
And people who sometimes get stuck up there.

I know many humans want to think they are special or flawless or what the hell ever (I can tell the world is obsesed with perfect, people keep on and on about it), but it's not unreasonable for someone who has been badly treated and knocked around by people to see them as unkind.

I notice the person who is abused and knocked about gets no empathy...once again the human race is more concerned with its ego...it doesn't want to be bad, or arrogant...sod what pain the other person is feeling that doesnt matter as long as you are not upsetting the ego of the terminally insecure.

It sounds harsh but there really is some truth in there.

That does not mean it applies to everyone, it usually just applies to the people who have hurt me (intentionally, not by mistake, the latter category gets forgiven, they didn't mean it).

PS also people make assumptions a lot, I'd prefer it if they worked with facts instead. Assumptions are not always very accurate.

Also people are definitely ignorant about things like ASDs. Some people have never heard of it.

I may decide to get rid of my internet connection and just use the library. Being online depresses me a little bit for reasons I don't understand. So may not spend much time on the net in the future.

I can get a locksmith, aye, but I need to find out how much it costs.

I've really enjoyed our little chat.

I could understand how one could get depressed being on the Internet frequently--it takes one away from the "real world."

To me, it is a point of contact to people from all over the world. If I wasn't for the Internet, I wouldn't have enjoyed our little chat. Whenever I get burned out from it, I just don't go on. I enjoy doing research on the Internet, keeping in mind the credo: "consider the source."

The libraries in the UK do offer nice internet access; I used to go to one in Bromley, Southeast London.

Locksmiths usually cost in the neighborhood of $50-100 in New York City.

Well it was nice chatting with you.

The question is do I phone the samaratan or the emergency psyche team.

I want to die and i've just been left like this. The therapist has not gotten back to me as she said she would about referring me for an assessment and I don't have another appointment booked.

I can't go another day feeling like this, I don't feel worthless but loneliness is making me feel physically sick, literally. Its a constant emotional pain and it needs to end now. Its cruel as I am not a bad person and I don't deserve this so its better if I just end it. Then the world cannot torment me anymore. I don't have any future to stay here for, there is nothing if I must spend everday lone...punished by people because I tried to help them or hated by them (such as the drug dude) because I didn't want sex with them.

I never thought id' end up alone like this. I had a fella once, and he proposed. I should have accepted. I didn't think it would be my one and only proposal. I was not in love with him (he was in love with me) so I said no. I thought Id find someone else. He was nice clean living self employed builder. The best one I ever dated. ANd he wanted to marry me and i said no. What a fool.

It was a long time ago...before the internet. Before it ruined me. Since people started making out I am a deliberate trouble maker when I am not no one has wanted me on any of the dating sites. People contact me and then suddenly stop talking for no reason, I don't even know why.

Well they win, I cant live like this. I have not even had a fun evening out in 5 years since I moved to this hell hole. Its all been people rattling on and on about worhtless ness.

No laughs
no jokes
no fun

just whine i hate myself whine i hate myself you hate your you hate yourself obsess obsess obsess

The world is obsessed with its ego and I can't cope with that.

I have a son, whom I am not presently in contact with. He is over 16 now but is there anyone willing to contact him once I have left and let him know? He probably needs to know his mom has gone.