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Sweetleaf, most people do have that opinion within the Rotenburg Hospital thread. This hospitals, obviously, administers a form of ABA which is counterproductive to a decent quality of life for a person with autism.

Yes you chat about the historical stuff. If I remember correctly.

I'm glad you tried and I'm sorry it didn't work out. You can't change other people. Currently there is something about you that is very attractive to clingy, damaged people but only to them (per other current thread). There may be things you could change about yourself which would make you less attractive to those people and more attractive to intellectuals who are also mentally stable and sober. But I don't what those things are and even if I did, they might be things you wouldn't want to change.

Sorry.

Bumble I was not trying to chat you up I was offering a bit of company as I do not know how to solve your social problems.

If I knew how to solve your social problems I would solve my own first and I would not be even on this forum.

Many people have tried to help you in previous threads, but improving your situation depends mostly on you helping yourself and getting help from people around you in person, not on WP.

I recommend a therapist who can help you think about things differently than you have been thinking about them, because the way that you have been thinking about things doesn't seem to be working for you.

Never noticed people being hostile to the OP.

So I dont know where she gets the idea that everyone/anyone here 'hates' here.

I have tried, the therapist has referred me for an assessment with Aspergers east anglia but I have not heard back yet.

I have been socialising and its scaring me because people are acting irrationally. They keep spamming my phone, wont accept a decline or a no, and keep moving a head far too quickly.

One talks about pairing up as life partners when we have not even met in person, only talked on the phone. Thaat is not how relationships work. I want someone I can fall in love..gradually with. You don't start talking about life partnerships until both people feel the same about each other. I am not looking for a business arrangement.

The other wont let me decline a date as he keeps texting me telling me how upset he is which makes me feel bad. I feel like he is relying on me emotionally and again is moving too quickly. I've had one cup of coffee with him and he is talking about adding me to his car insurance to teach me to drive. Very nice but a bit soon considering I have only spent two hours with the man in a cafe.

People keep talking to me about self hatred which Ive mentioned prior to this. Then there was the guy on drugs who lectured me for hours on his feelings of inferiority and how I made him feel like he was not good enough. All I said was I doubted our compatibility. I don't care about all this superior and inferior rubbish, life is too short.

I am getting really scared. The more I socialise the more irrational people seem to be. I just want to get out of here. I am thinking about selling all my stuff and just taking off to another part of the country in order to find some sane people.

Change my thinking how? I cant take on this belief system about worthlessness, I don't believe in it. I don't see how anything can be truly worthless. It is not a rational way of thinking. Its a way of measuring things or quantifying the unquantifiable but it's not rational or realistic. It's a common cultural belief and not some truth about life and the universe.

I have no intentions of hating myself. For what? Maybe I have strong opinions, and opinions can change when the evidence stops supporting them as it's the evidence I follow more than anything (when I am not being emotional) but I have never hurt anyone and have always gone out of my way to look after people I have been close to. I even gave up things I wanted for them.

I don't understand what about my life is weird. I eat an unprocessed food healthy diet, go to the gym, am learning to play piano, don't drink alcohol, don't do drugs, and am trying to learn new skills as a way of potentially earning money in the future (Id like teach piano once I have learned enough myself to do so as well as start designing my own needle craft designs just to see how it goes and I would like to find away to earn enough money to finish my Archaeology degree). I do the paleo thing becuase it keeps me physically well. If I go back to eating grains and dairy I start getting sick again and can't function as I am too unwell with CFS like symptoms. Those have reversed completely on paleo diet and my low mood/depression does not cause me any physical problems except a little insomnia.

I talk to myself as there is no one else to talk to. I shout to myself because I am in a lot of pain and it seems to be a harmless way of releasing it. I stopped the head hitting as I didn't want to hurt myself because I was in distress.

I am really confused. Don't understand what is going on socially. And I am getting really scared. Genuinely scared with the people I meet acting so strangely.

Strangers asking me if I hate myself. People talking about life relationships when I hardly know them. People telling me all about their feelings of worthlessness all the time when I don't really know how to help them (can they not see a professional please?).

Is the world really like that outside? Is that is what is normal now?

I was sick for years before the paleo diet and could not leave the house. I was isolated and virtually bed ridden due to my symptoms, did the world change that much.

Someone tell me what happened out there please. Before I got physically unwell and housebound people seemed to be more rational. They dated a person before trying to get serious, hell i dated my sons father for 6 months before we even had sex and no one talked about life partners. One day someone just said 'I love you' and the other said 'I love you back' and them some time after that sex happened and months after that someone said 'would you like to live together' and so we bought our own flat and had a son...but I got postnatal depression really badly and things started to go wrong. We split up, we got back together, he asked me to marry him, I go nervous and declined, we broke up again...and that was the end of that. But it took a natural progression. It wasn't weird. He liked my quirks, they were one of the main things he loved about me. He never tried to make me different.

For the 24 years I lived in Worcester before moving to Norfolk no one ever talked about self hatred or beating oneself up. Such things were just not mentioned and they certainly wouldn't ask a complete stranger if they hated themselves. That would have been considered inappropriate.

I don't know what happened to the world. It used to be different. People didn't spend hours texting or on the computer they came round and visited you for a cuppa so you could clean up whilst chatting to them. If you were done they'd say lets go out and have some fun instead of giving you a hug and a cliche. Or you would stay in with a chinese or pizza and rent a bad 80s movie to watch together.

In those days having a routine or wanting to have regular diary slots for you visit to the gym was not seen as abnormal. Shyness was just being shy not a disease to be medicated. If you didn't have anything to say people just figured you didn't have anything to say and would talk amongst themselves until you did.

What happened out there while I was ill.

I am really confused. This is not the world I grew up in.

I don't know what they are either. I thought maybe my weight and am trying to lose some but my weightloss has halted on the paleo diet. I don't seem to be getting much of a weight loss on it. Certainly not as much as others claim to. I may well have to go back to calorie counting at some point.

Maybe its my tendency to post openly about feeling depressed. Many people I have met with I encountered originally on the internet, except one. I don't know as my depression seems to manifest differently to others in that I get hopelessness instead of worthlessness (can't believe I am something I don't believe in ) and I am more interested in finding a solution to the cause of my depression (social difficulties) than I am on relying on people to correct it for me.

But I am lost in terms of figuring things out and could do with someone objective to actually spend time with me when I am socialising to tell me what is going on or what I am doing wrong. Perhaps they can offer some insight about things I am not aware of. Messages or signals I am giving off, ways that I might be confusing people and ways to either resolved that or work around it if it can't be changed. ie if I can't think of anything to say, I can't of anything to say. People pressuring me won't help and will cause my anxiety to rise before resulting in my attempt to flee from said pressure. I think my sitting alone and not speaking sometimes must be being read as a rejection.

I am not awfully good at communicating myself online either. Maybe I am too verbose. Lately I feel like I am bogging everything down with too many words and obscuring the point. I can't stop that when I am nervous as I babble due to being nervous (or freeze, one of the two) but I can when I am not and may be able to find more succinct ways of saying things. I don't think people always need all the detail I am giving them but I am worried there will be a misunderstanding if I don't provide said details due to my slight different way of thinking.

I could do with that assessment to either rule an ASD in or out. That way I can proceed forwards and either deal with it if its a yes or find out what else might be going on.

Maybe I am just losing my marbles. I feel like I am. I don't recognise the world anymore.

Or maybe I mad a mistake moving so far away from home to a place where I didn't know anybody.

At least when I was in Worcester I had the company of my son.

Yes. That's what you need. So now you need to figure out how (or if) you can get it.

This is not something that is done by therapists since they just do office visits. In the U.S., it's something that would be done by a Life Coach. Life Coaching is a service that came into existence as people became more isolated and cut off from the friends and family who routinely do this for free. In the U.S. it's something you have to pay for out of pocket (although for all I know there could be some cases where insurance covers it). The UK seems to have far more things covered by government programs than the U.S. so t's possible that such a service exists in the UK and is covered. It's worth asking the therapist or googling around.

It really would be helpful, far more than any posts (including mine) could ever be.

The fact that you think that people on WP on hate you, a perception that is grossly inaccurate, indicates that you have problems thinking about what other people are thinking about you, and not only in a way that indicates social cognition deficits in autism, but beyond those into twisted thinking that needs a lot of therapeutic help.

It is probably not the world or the people that have changed so much, but you and your thinking, so the first step is probably to work on letting go of thinking what is wrong with the world and the people, but focus about your own thinking with the help of a good therapist.

I have chatted a little with you bumble, and read many of your posts. I remember posts where you used to ride the bus, and sit in in bars waiting for conversations to start up... people thought you were strange you reported.

People are just like you imho. Just like you want people to like and accept you just like you are, so do other people. But you think there's something wrong with them... and then they think there is something wrong with you. You have everything figured out... you know yourself, and the rest of the world. BUT I think if you would, next time you meet a stranger, don't talk about yourself, and just concentrate on getting them to talk about their life and opinions, you would be much better off. Just try to draw them out. Don't make other people wrong... make them right.

This is one of the "secrets" that psychologists figured out long ago. It's called "transference." Have you ever noticed that they NEVER talk about themselves? They wait. They ask leading questions, and followups. They smile at your jokes, and nod seriously when you share an opinion. But what is the result? We adore them... and keep coming back. Remember... don't make other people wrong.

Tell these two people you are not interested in an intimate relationship be very clear about it....if they can't take no for an answer don't give in, its not up to someone else if you date them or not, its your decision. I understand perhaps it can be hard to be assertive, but you have to....otherwise people can get the wrong idea and perhaps think you are intrested when you aren't. I mean maybe you are being very direct....in which case you may need to stop contact if they wont stop harrasing you about not going out with them or take legal action if need be....but if you're being indirect at all, it could be these people get the wrong idea.

But what do I know, not sure I exactly fit the category of a sane person....so perhaps my advice is no good, but that is what I think about that.

Hey Bumble,

Hope your next thread is entitled "Why NOT?"

I wonder if joining an organization with dealing paleoanthropology might help somewhat. You could speak about the real Paleolithic diet and the reasoning behind their food choices. Lots of Carbon 14/Potassium-Argon type things involved. I wish you could go to one of their conventions--that would snap you out of your doldrums! You would have been great in the time when lectures were part of "pop culture."

Of course, Piltdown Man was a hoax. Would you happen to know if Neanderthals inhabited England? I am under the impression that Man in the British Isles is a relatively recent phenomena--maybe 20,000 BC--which would be in the Upper Paleolithic/Upper Pleistocene; whereas Neanderthals were in the Middle Paleolithic/Middle Pleistocene. I could be wrong, though.

I think you mentioned somewhere that you've actually made flint tools. Do you believe you could reproduce the Mousterian Culture? That would be fun. It would be a great diversion, too.

I wish I could stroke your hair, dry up your tears.

Your situation sounds a lot like mine bumble. You sound sure of yourself and you are very smart. I believe therapists can only help you solve so many problems. I feel like I've gone as far as I can with investigating my social interactions with someone and observing the way I associate. I also feel like I can't click with any NTs enough to be potential dating partners no matter what. I can't really click with anyone like that. I've bounced from crowd to crowd my whole life. It won't happen for me until I keep someone around long enough be to on that level of comfort. I just can't do that right now. I'm not shy but I hate making people awkward. I came here to try to help others and give advice but some people just have that one thing about them that they might not ever be able to change. Maybe it'll sort itself out in the years to come. I'm still young I have much life experience to experience.

The trick is to not let people's reactions to who you are concern you, even if they are disturbing. I've yet to master that too.
I will always seem weird or shady because I'm a thinker not a talker. It does affect relationships too because no one will understand me unless I tell them I have Asperger's and then how am I supposed to tell them that without putting someone off? I know it really sucks I like Janissy's idea of a life coach. I think I'll either do that or a speed dating. But ultimately I understand exactly what you mean. I hope I helped even a little. I'm in that boat too.

People here have flamed me, a thread was closed because of it some time ago. People on the internet have bullied me and some of those people frequent this site. People posted awful untrue things about me and since then I have not been able to find sane online contacts. I used to always have people to chat too on skype until those people started posting things like I was schizophrenic and twisting my words. Saying that I hear things when I do not not have any kind of hallucinations at all. Posting that I was a fake and saying I have controversial opinions just to piss them off and that I am trolling. People believed them and started blocking on social networking sites when prior to that they had been fine with me and all had been friendly.

So actually my thinking was originally based in some kind of reality. I have been extensively bullied. I don't have a social outlet in the real world and am limited by my circumstances so I don't know what my social skills are like when socialising in person in a group anymore. I have forgotten due to my isolation. I can't comment on that. I know the neighbours gossip about me I have been told the gossip by people. People have told me they don't want to speak to me because I am too weird and that everyone pities me but no one wants to be with me and that people must find me embarrassing to be with.

Why would people say these things if they liked me? Would you say those thing to someone you liked? If so I don't understand why you would say that.

When I was flamed on that thread and it was closed, would you say it was because those people liked me?

How is that twisted thinking when people are telling me these things? I am only reiterating what I have been told by people. that combined with my lack of friends leads me to feel people don't like me or that the only people who do like me are people I can't cope with because of their emotional difficulties.

Ie I arragned a date with someone but decided to pull out as I don't feel I really find them attractive. They invited me to dinner tomorrow night. When I tried to cancel he spam text me and called me nearly in tears because he had a bad few years and getting a date with me had made him feel better and he thought things were looking up....

Well firstly rejecting him now makes me feel awful and secondly I now feel under pressure to date him. I still don't find him attractive and don't want to get dragged into a relationship I don't want to have because he is having a bad life right now. I am having a bad life right now but I wouldn't want to be with someone who does not want me.

My statement was a generalisation of how I was feeling. I am feeling rejected by the world. It was not meant to take that literally as in everyone on WP hates me. I am not always a literal person.

I just don't understand what is going on, even with the therapist and its only since moving to Norfolk.

For example I said to my therapist that rather than just having hugs and cliches and making assumptions about me based on some stereotype (such as assuming I suffer from worthlessness because I feel depressed) when I have a problem or getting caught up in judging myself or my worth based on said problem I'd rather just find a solution to the problem instead. She said that is because I am a logical thinker rather than the empathic type whereas those people are more feeling/empathic and that its down to my aspergers but that no one approach was more right or wrong than another.

Um firstly having a logical solution in mind does not rule out feeling empathy for the person. I often feel for the person but rather than just give them a cliche that won't help them much or make assumptions about them I'd rather try and find a helpful resolution that will solve their problem and alleviate their upset. I am doing that exactly because i feel for them not because I am being emotionless and logical.

Secondly I have the capacity to think logically but I don't always think logically all of the time. I can think emotionally. For example when I did a biology experimentonce where I had to make lettuce putrefy and it failed my first response was to feel momentarily disappointed as mine was the only one in the class that hadn't worked. My next thought was 'What did I do, buy the worlds longest life lettuce or something?" )...and to titter as I found my own thought funny and was amused by it) and my next thought was "why didn't my lettuce putrefy" at which point I go distracted by that and went on to discover the problem and write (in the words of my tutor) "a brilliant write up" that basically saved my arse and my A grade.

Now...I took a logical approach, I tried to find out what went wrong and how to correct it but went through several emotions in the process (disappointment and humour). At no point though did I stop to judge my own worth and spend hours getting caught up in it at the expense of finding a solution. So to say I think logically but that I don't have emotions or empathy is very untrue (see the bullying example above, that is clearly empathy).

Thirdly one approach may not be more wrong or right than another but is definitely more useful and I'd say problem solving is more beneficial than just giving someone a hug or a cliche when there is a problem to be solved.

For example if someone said to me " I really need someone to go out with to have some fun and a good day out to help shake off my low mood" Id reply with "get yer coat then, where do ya wanna go or what would you like to do?". Alternatively if its not convenient right then I'd arrange to do something with them at a later date...anything of their choosing as they seem to need to have some fun.

I wouldn't just respond with "awwww" give them a hug and then say "you will find someone" and leave the poor sod sitting their lonely and without whatever it is they need to help them feel better.

In fact my inability to find someone who would take a similar approach to the one I would makes me feel that people are just mocking me. As my approach makes more sense as a solution to the problem.

I also would not say those people were empathic. it is more as though they are projecting their feelings and ways of thinking on to me. Being empathic implies that you understand but these people don't understand. They don't understand my way of thinking or that I don't experience worthlessness and are not willing to accept it (even if they don't agree with it a little respect for the fact that I have my own mind and my own individual thoughts would help). That is not empathy its the opposite of.

It's just really surreal as to why people are behaving the way they are. I mean people say I m offensive with my opinions because I don't believe in worthlessness and don't see the point in beating oneself up or because I post my angry feelings to release them about all the abuse I have suffered throughout my life and refer to those people as c***s (they were c***s..ie the guy who raped me was a c**t as far as I'm concerned...I don't exactly view the man as a nice guy and I wouldn't say that was twisted thinking) but I find people far more offensive than I am, such as the guy who walked up to me and told me that no one wanted to speak to me because I am too weird. That is just nasty and is not right. Even I wouldn't walk up to someone and say something like that...it would be down right rude and hurtful of me. And yet my therapist thinks the problem is my disorder?

I can't function in a world that thinks that behaviour is normal. It goes against everything I was taught about being polite and understanding or kind. Even if someone was weird to just walk up to them say something like 'no one wants to talk to you' is horrible. I'd still be polite to them. I may decide to see why people think they are too weird and go say hi, like when I was at school. There was a young girl being bullied and I was friends with the bullies at that time (I was new to the school and did not realise they were bullies at that time). They had taken me into their group but I did not want to join in with their bullying behaviour especially as the girl had just lost her parents in a car crash. I don't believe in bullying at the best of times but I felt really bad for her. She was always standing alone in the playground and looked so lonely so I went up to her and started talking to her and we became friends.

The bullies did not like that (I was naive I thought I could be friends with all of them without having to join in with the bullying. I was incorrect) and the bullies turned their attentions on me.

I do not understand why such bullying behaviour is seen as normal and empathic when my approach is seen as disordered. I am confused. My approach seems less disordered than theirs to my mind.

I am so confused after seeing that therapist. It makes me feel as though no one will ever understand and that frightens me.

Last edited by bumble on 02 May 2014, 11:04 pm, edited 3 times in total.

I am glad you don't feel like everyone here hates you because that is not the case at all. I am sorry that things are so rough for you though. What you wrote about is a lot for someone to have to deal with.

I don't know about how to advise you socially, I am not great at that myself but I will give you a great big hug because even if those other people you spoke about don't like you, I do.