How do you "let go"? I need help here.

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it took me two years to realize, and get used to it.

That is awesome. I hope to be able to as well as you. Did you have help with that? I found out that I was on the Spectrum two years ago but I have had to navigate this pretty much by myself with lots of opposition except for WP and the person who first told me and my brother. My husband is very supportive too but he does not know much about ASD so it's been hard for him to accept sometimes also. And a lot of what he and my brother know they learned from what I learned as well. It is quite a journey. I am just getting to know myself as I have spent time on WP. The guy who first told me is very difficult to get a hold of in the non ski months so I only have access to him three or four months a year a couple of days a week. But he has really helped me a lot. So hopefully I can get my head around this.

I don't think of myself as a disabled person so much but I do try to remember that I am otherwise I can be harsh on myself and push beyond my limits and let people push me beyond them as well. Before I knew I had ASD, I nearly died because I kept trying to push past my limitations and I did not know how to tell people when I could not do something. That was a near fatal error I don't ever want to repeat. And I know myself well enough that I could easily just push and push and go and go no matter what I feel or how I am struggling and the consequences of that can be horrific so I have to remind myself that it is okay to have limitations and now I know that there is an actual reason that explains a lot of my limitations.

Last edited by skibum on 23 May 2014, 1:33 pm, edited 2 times in total.

The only help that I got from outside were the diagnosis itself and the correspondingly correct medications. After that, I'v e been on my own. I had a run of berhavioural therapy which teaches you how to fake not having autism, so no one will find out this terrible secret. Lol But really, you just have to learn to be confortable with yourself, I think. I'm still working on this.

Yeah. this is really important. And I think that part of learning to be comfortable with yourself and your Autism in all different situations involves talking about it and working through it and figuring it out. That is why it is so confusing to me that a program whose sole purpose is specifically to help disabled people including those on the Spectrum is telling me that I talk too much about being Autistic especially since I have only had one vague mention with one teacher only because someone else told her, one conversation with a parent when we were talking about her Autistic kid and one quick talk of it to the two people who were supposed to be putting my specific program together. The only one whom I have spoken to in depth about at all is the director of the program. And the only reason I told him in detail was first so that they might be able to put together a program for me and know my situation just like they know that specific situation of every other student and second so that she would understand why I could not do the tasks that the training was for.

Last edited by skibum on 23 May 2014, 1:52 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Honestly, the best support I've had has been on WP. My psychiatrist actually told me about here and encouraged me to partipate.

I agree. This is where I have learned the most and gotten the most support also. The guy who told me initially is extremely knowledgeable and I have learned a ton from his as well but he is so hard to reach in the non ski months. I have referred him here and he has been here and he was really impressed. My husband and brother have given me love and moral support but my real "therapy" kind of support has come from WP.

And the interesting thing about this person is that I have only talked to him two, maybe three times in over a month about my Autism. Those were in depth conversations because I was explaining how I tick but other than that we don't talk about my issues at all. In fact, this person doesn't talk to me very much at all about anything. He mentions things to me that he needs me to do and he thanks me when I do them and I appreciate that and he says hello and stuff like that but he is not much of a talker so we don't really talk. I don't mind that but it's not like we are even talking a lot anyway. And other than those two or three in depth conversations, I have not talked to him about my Autism at all except when he asked a specific question about it. Then I gave him a simple super short answer and that was it.

It's difficult to say what is going on between you and this person without having witnessed your actions and interactions, but here is what I think is possibly the case:

1. This person is typical NT-style reading into your words and actions. You are mentioning Asperger's Syndrome because your difficulties keep coming up, but this person misinterprets it as AS is just on your mind all the time, that you feel it is a big part of who you are rather than just something you "have," and therefore thinks you need to stop focusing on it so much.

2. This person went through a stage of over-focusing on disability, and is projecting that struggle onto you.

3. This person doesn't quite understand that AS is a pervasive condition, and is therefore likely to present problems more often and in more circumstances than a non-pervasive condition. So it seems like you are mentioning it more than you need to.

Last edited by starkid on 23 May 2014, 3:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I haven't read all the post, just the original post, so forgive me if what I have to say is redundant.

I don't think you are using your diagnosis as an excuse. I don't see how you can let go either. The example you gave of a needing to leave the room because of sensory overload--that is not an excuse. It is your reality. It seems like these people are telling you to live up to "normal" expectations when you are not normal. This would be like telling someone with severe ADHD to just "get it together". That person can't just get it together because that person's brain is wired differently.

All that we can do is use our individual strengths and learn to work around our limitations. This true of every human being alive, not just people with autism or some other known disability. Everybody has strengths and weaknesses and has to learn to do the best they can with what they have. You know what your limitations are more than any outsider. Don't let those people make you doubt yourself.

By the way, I have sensory issues too and problems with anxiety. I can relate to have people tell you to suck it up and be normal. I just ignore those people.

Starkid what you say here makes total sense to me and helps me understand where his perspective might be. It is very possible that you are right on target with what you said because he had asked me a question once about something and I told him it was an Aspie thing and he had no idea that that was an Aspie thing. And this thing in particular is very well documented so if he was really well versed in ASD he should have known this. I think that even though he has a lot of students on the Spectrum he does not know nearly as much about it as he might think he knows.

Thank you EmTsuj. I need to be like you more and start ignoring lots more people!

I think his heart was in the right place, but brain wasn't. That is, he was ignorant, not necessarily in a malicious way, but ignorance doesn't have to be malicious to be destructive.

He doesn't live your life, and he certainly doesn't know what God wants. I sometimes worry that I'm disobeying or disappointing God when I can't fast because of sensory issues or can't pray away a problem I'm perserverating about and have to eat or shop to take my mind off it, and every clergy member I've spoken to has said that that is absolutely not true. God understands autism. Humans don't always. Unfortunately, humans talk a lot more than God. And often distort His Word.

Self-advocacy and seeking help are not obsessing over your autism. Of course you have to talk about it a lot to get proper help, otherwise people wouldn't know how to help you!

I'd stay away from this guy if I were you. Even though he's trying to help, he's not doing it in a way that's right for you, and you have every right to cut ties.

I agree. Just be yourself, do what makes you happy and comfortable. I would also be careful which advice I follow, sometimes people give an advice more for their own benefit than yours. For example, someone tells you not to talk about something supposedly because its not good for you, while in reality it might be just because he's tired of hearing about it. I'm not saying it is necessarily the case here, maybe he really wanted to help and his intentions are good, but either way it should be up to you to decide whether you want to talk about autism (or anything else), its your decision, not someone else's.

Thank you Shadi2 and Nicholasname. That is great advice from both of you. I really did think this guy was here to help me like he helps the others but I guess he really does not know how to help me even though he has the heart to. I won't put any more effort in seeking any kind of help from him and his program.