Which parenting style did your parents use?(read first post)

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Dad was authoritarian and my Mom just supported him completely. He only cared about behavior not our hearts, so it was do it because I am your father. He really screwed up. I am thankful to him for giving me a good work ethic and raising me to have a strong sense of morality, but he also ruined my life. by not caring about relationship. He would get angry because I refused to have a relationship with him, but all he wanted was results, he wanted an outward display of loyalty to him, he didn't give a s**t about what was happening on the inside. In fact they told me that I needed to at least pretend I cared about them even if I didnt' because I was hurting them. what hypocrosy.

It was, "brian, all we ever did was try to love you and do good things for you and you can't even give that back to us, why do you hate us". Well I gave them back exactly what they gave. I followed their rules, I did work around the house, and then had as little contact with them as I could. Because as much as they told me their contact with me was that of love, all my dad cared about was behavor, and I gave him behavior in the sense that I did the work around the house and . But I CANNOT fake love to them. One time I went about two weeks without saying a single word with my mom. Because I could not make myself talk to her. She aided my dad in destroying my life.

I HATED absolutely HATED having dinner with them becuase that was an example of faking a relationship, they would go around the table and expect eveyrone to participate in conversation and I could not. And then the "bible study" my dad would lead. They really forced religion on me and though I am still religious, I CANNOT have conversations with them about my faith becuase they forced it on me. Again, my Dads view of religions was entirely external.

They finally realized the truth during christmas when my older brother confronted mom and dad about my dads problems. Finally my mom saw the light and realized her blind devotion to my dad was wrong and my dad is still trying to see the light. But its too late for me and my older brother. They have done permanent damage and I don't think either of us will ever want a relationship with my dad.

Overall they were rather permissive. I didn't rebel though.

How you reckon?

Well it looks like the only "Good" one is Authoritive, Permissive being too open, and Authoritarian being too closed, and there doesn't seem to be many choices either, as most people would be unable to answer the question if they were to be honest.

Just guessing.

Well, I see a spectrum, the middle being more desirable, the extremes less so.

I wouldn't even say Authoritive is good, just the closest one to "Good" there is. The question probably should have been made more broad, I think.

Mom was authoritative -- she was always willing to explain things. Dad was a blend of authoritative and neglectful.

Mother: permisive.
Father: neglectful.
The only rule at home was: "This is wrong, you figure out what is right". I never quite did, by the way...

My mom was authoritative in some ways, permissive in others. My dad was authoritarian and was always threatening to beat my sister and I for every little thing we did. Both of us have issues as a result of this. He improved though and started treating my sister and I like actual people as we got older. I believe he may have been evolving into authoritative, but unfortunately he died suddenly in an accident.

Mother- authoritarian
Father- authoratative

Thing is my Dad was the one who explained my Mum's rules. Me and my Mum NEVER get along. When she's in a bad mood she scares me... And when she's in a good mood she scares me more.

It doesn't sound like a joke at all. That's "old style" parenting. That's pretty much how parents used to be back in the day. It's how my grandparents were raised and how my mother/aunt/uncle were raised. It's also how all of my older schoolteachers behaved. In elementary school the entire table couldn't leave the lunch room until everyone had finished everything on their plate.

raised by relatives, authoritarian in a very chaotic way (from my AS point of view i guess) with the intention of being a good parent (but yeah, it failed...)

Both parents: very authoritarian.

"Obedience" was the word my parents liked to use a lot. They had many rules that I had to obey without question. (My NT older sister had a lot more leeway.) Some were reasonable, such as not going near the iron when it's on the ironing board. Some were borderline crazy, such as no drinking water outside of mealtimes; I got around that one simply by drinking water straight out of the bathroom faucet. Academic expectations are another aspect that could fill two pages. If I ever brought home anything lower than a B, they would go on a punishing spree.

Now I generally avoid being in the same room as my parents, and generally don't talk to them very much, other than short phrases "good morning", "I'm going out", and "I'm fine". My relationship with them stabilized more or less, but I have no intention of living with them for any longer than I absolutely have to.

Mom: Authoritative. I have no complaints about the way she raised me when I was a kid, except she had a tendency to "explode" every now and then. People on my mom's side have a genetic tendency towards rage.

Dad: Permissive. He was like a big brother more than anything else, and he didn't get much respect from me. I pretended to hate him during most of my childhood, but I didn't really. I had fun with him.

Step dad: Authoritarian. I was 13 when he became my step dad. A step parent should not be involved in discipline unless he or she has raised the child since it was small. I was not used to an angry male disciplinarian, and I did not react well. What hurt the most is my mom allowed him to do whatever he wanted, in hopes that I would stop having problems at school. My problems actually got worse, so I moved in with my dad when I was 14. After I moved in with him and changed schools, my problems nearly vanished.

Mother: Authoritative parenting

Father: Authoritarian parenting

Both parents authoritarian and ready to hit.