How I was able to cope with my Aspergers and find a wife.

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I can understand that, I was just very excited to find others like me, and wanted to share exactly how I coped and managed to make myself a better person without support of other Aspies or even knowing truly what I was. I purchased those products maybe 4 years, and if you like, I could probably find my old login information and let you use it for free. I'll probably only share it with 1 person at a time though, just because I don't want them to shut it off from too many log ins and account sharing. You didn't insult me though, at least you gave yourself a chance of being incorrect instead of other people who said with absolute certainty that I was spewing BS.

I guess I only feel strongly about this so much just because I know that my wife is the most important person on the planet to me, and I know I would never be with her if I never bought that "membership"

If your a female I can understand you not relating to this, just because you think much more logically then other females do. I'm not sure how much with would help with being in a relationship with an Aspie women, because I've never tried it. I can say though that for NT's most of them would find it an acceptable response.

Heres another cool thing (at least for me)

Women find a boyfriend in 1 of two different ways. The first type would take the first guy that has "boyfriend potential" and try to build them up into the perfect boyfriend. The second type well... Say you are the manager of a company and want to hire a new 2cd in command, you might hire 15 different people to work for you and a few months later pick the best of them. That is another way that girls can find a relationship. Depending on the way that the girl wants to find that relationship. dramatically changes how you should talk to that girl, topics to bring up, how in depth to go in conversations. It's just another one of those things that gives you more insight on how to act. It's not meant to be a horoscope, just a way to show you how to use the information that you already see, like understanding a language.

About sharing your account, its really nice of you to suggest this. I would never ask you to do this tho, but maybe others can benefit from it, I don't know, its up to you and up to them. Like I said you could also join the discussions and share some of your experiences with us if you wish, or start new threads about the subjects you would like to discuss.

Also, I am glad if it helped you in your life, and it allowed you to find the right person for you, I just wanted to point out that not all women are the same. Its kindof like in the movie Hitch, where some of his "techniques" worked on some women but not on others (i.e. Allegra and Albert). Myself I was reading A survival guide for people with Asperger syndrome, where the guy mentions general rules, of course it doesn't always apply, it depends also on the situation and people, but it still can be helpful.

Thank you. and im still getting my way around forums, but I will for sure be adding my input here on wrongplanet for a while. You are right that there are a few exceptions but the majority I would say is what it can help with. When I was really into it, I would just talk to girls and then try and then after maybe 10-15 minutes I would try to basically tell them their life story and why they are the way they are. Only from experience I would say that in my little 5-10 minute monologue USUALLY I would be right on the dot with everything I said, there were a few occasions (very few!) that I would only be about half right, but I never ran into a time when I wasn't right about at least half of what I said. I really enjoyed our talk and I happy that you listened to me share a small(but big) part of my life

Haha see again, I don't mean to be a pain, but at least some of this wouldn't apply to me.

I wouldn't try to change someone, the most I have done was, for example, to ask to please not get so upset so quickly, when my husband misunderstands something I do or say and gets all upset for no reason. And I absolutely don't understand people who do this, why be with this person if you don't like him/her the way he/she is to begin with?

I also can't imagine intentionally picking "candidates" to then chose one of them. For me it just happened, I never actually looked for anyone, but maybe it is easier for women sometimes, because I think men are often expected to be the ones to make the first steps (and I honestly feel for them about this, it must be really difficult sometimes, I know it would be very difficult for me). I can tell you that if I had to do the first steps, I would have been single.

You ask about Aspie women, well I definitely can't speak for anyone else but myself, but I can tell you that either some myths about men and women are totally false, or else I have been unlucky lol. For example, I am not a hugger (I don't hate hugs, its just that I really don't need to be hugging my husband all the time), and I don't like cuddling in bed (I freeking can't sleep that way, it bugs the heck out of me! lol), well both husbands (yes it is my 2nd marriage) liked hugging and cuddling lol. The myth (or lets say general belief, and maybe its true, I don't know) is that supposedly women like cuddling and hugging, and that men don't, well in my experience its been the opposite.

That's good, I'm glad it worked for you . Maybe you also have a talent to understand people more than you think.

Maybe one of the important things, if you are interested in a person, is also to try to show it in different ways so they will know that you are interested, and pay attention to what they say too (which is something I don't do very well, but I try). Hitch wasn't always wrong lol.

I am a female, and I thought the above was interesting but does seem stereotypical. I tried to imagine what I would do in that situation, and it goes more like:

Me: Hey! What's up?
Person 2: Not much, just getting some stuff to fix a sink.
Me: Oh okay. I'm here for x. Well, see you later. (Then I would walk away).

So neither an emotional response, nor advice. Just an information exchange.

It's good it helped you, but it looks like it wouldn't work on a lot of women who don't fit the stereotype.

You are also Aspie correct? If you are then you wouldn't relate to well to that, even if you are a girl. I guess that's more specific to NT girls, and it shows their way of thinking a little but more. Next time you are talking to a NT girl, try having a conversation only by relating to emotions that they are talking about, you may be surprised by how well they take it

I've had women do this.

And I've had guys do this. For cryin' out loud, I'VE done this.

Frankly it all sounds very sexist and wrong, and very much like an advertisement in the most inappropriate of places. We understand that you have a wife and are excited to share your success story in it, but don't dwell on the products that made it possible. Yes, from what you're saying, this helped you understand your wife, but that's not the only thing that made your marriage succeed, I can guarantee that. And if you think it is, ask your wife, she'll tell you otherwise.

And frankly, even though I'm a guy that has an almost-functional time machine, the prices you mentioned are pretty high for that kind of thing

I'm glad that you said that! It makes it a little easier to explain a bit. The reason why many different ways can work is because in a way its like "shotgunning it" hoping to find the right response by trying a million different ones. Some people respond to touch, some don't, some respond to compliments, some respond to actions, some gifts. I guess more of what I learned helps you know exactly which response you know they would want, so it isn't nessesary to try multiple ways and hope for the best. Not all females are the same, not even close, but there are still SOME things that can be in common. The basic idea was that females could be "categorized" into 1 of 8 different types, that all respond to very different things, and all have VERY different personalities.

^ by that above statement, im not saying that girls in the same type all have the same interests and are the same person, far from that. Just its more like you can filter out ALOT of what you know someone isn't, making relating with that type of person a whole lot easier.

This is getting a little frustrating with how people are taking this. I am simply baffled on how people think that guys and girls think the exact same way with no bias. Yes guys can have emotional moments, and yes girls can have logical moments, but that's not the point!


Havent you ever heard how people decribed the male and the female brain? A males brain is described as a closet with a million boxes, every box has its own separate idea, and only one box stays open at a time, men like to open up a box that contains "nothing" and think about nothing (something most women say they cant do). Womens brains are compared to spaghetti, everything is connected together. So when a women thinks about something, often times, it leads to many other things, and what connects it all together is emotion.

I KNOW there may be an exception, especially with Aspies, but in GENERAL by that I mean more often then not, that is how most peoples, and males work. Maybe not 100% of the time, all the time, but enough to take that into logical consideration. There are SO many differences between men and women, so I wont ever see it as sexist to state a fact. Stereotypes did come from somewhere, and some stereotypes are even very true. I try not to see what is or isn't a stereotype, but instead recognize that there are differences and find out what the facts are.

People can control what they think, but HOW they think, is a gift of genetics/sex/how god made them (for the religious people) so it can be understood and learned.

Also I have talked to my wife, and she agrees that it was because of that that we were married and she was so happy I did that, because she feels like I understand her. She thought I was so weird in high school, I had no clue at all how to interact what to say or do. I only feel this strongly because I know that I do have my entire marriage to thank for it. if you want me to go more into it I can, but I personally believe that it never would have been possible unless I did all three of those things in my original post.

Try to not get mad, I think this is actually an interesting discussion

Maybe we, including yourself, can all learn something from it.

Again ... please don't get mad, just giving you my opinion about the last sentence lol

I completely disagree about women being more emotional than men, even if we are talking in general, the general population (i.e. not AS or non-autistic people in general), I think its just that sometimes they might show different emotions/feelings, and/or show them, or "cope" with them, in different ways, and/or also have different types of activities. Dictators for example, are proof of how emotional men can be, they have this need to control everything and everyone, there is nothing logical about it. Or this need that some have to pretend they know everything, you know like this joke about men who would say "I'm not lost and I don't need a map", while they are completely lost and would need a map? lol I think many men also like relating to each other, that's why there is so many brotherhoods, again this is an emotion/feeling.

There is also a difference between an actual fact, and something that is expected from a woman or man by society in general. For example, in the 60s (or before, or even now, depending on where you live), men were expected to go to work while women were expected to stay at home, cook the food, clean the house, take care of the kids, etc, but this doesn't mean that all these people were happy with the stereotypes, I'm sure that while there was probably women who were happy like this, there was also quite a few women who didn't actually enjoy staying at home, cooking, cleaning the house, or taking care of the kids 24/7, while there was probably also men who would have liked to stay at home and do all this, if it had been considered acceptable by society in general.

The Ego is full of emotions, and everyone has one (some are worse than others tho, i.e. detrimental to others, like dictators).

Me being upset was never directed at you, you are engaging in an intellectual conversation instead of just saying "BS" and I like that, I agree with you and everything that you said, I guess to clarify more by what I meant, was that females communicate with emotions, while males generally communicate with logic. There are some pretty emotional men, but men (usually) like to make logical decisions (even if it was a logical choice based on emotions).. So yes I agree that they can be equally emotional, but I still stand by saying that the communicating part is what is different. Does that make sense?


like with men and asking directions, the emotions of pride, and wanting to do it by himself, makes him say a not very emotional filled sentence of "don't know where I am but I don't need a map" that sentence, is only stating a logical problem, of I don't have a map, with a solution (based on emotion but said in a logical way) of I don't need a map. The guy doesn't stay to talk about the problem, just says the problem, and what he is going to do. So yes he does have emotion, but he phrases his words in a logical order and fashion.

Yes it makes sense (referring to the last sentence in the 1st paragraph). To me they all seem either emotional or logical at different times, with different personalities, and expressing these emotions and logic in different ways.

I think some of it has to do with what is acceptable for society in general, men are expected not to show too much emotions (I guess) while women are expected to do so. We are also expected to show our emotions in different ways, or to not show them at all.

Example: At funerals, men are not expected to actually cry, if a man doesn't cry no one will judge him for it. Women on the other hand, are expected to cry, and people might judge them if they don't. (my own experience, I didn't cry at my parents' funerals, and some people thought I was totally heartless because of this).

Also, depending on where you live (especially different countries), there is countries where only the feelings of men matter, and women are considered 2nd class citizens, therefore they may seem more emotional, but its because their feelings are not respected, while the men decide everything according to their own emotions and feelings. But I guess that's another story ...

Well you may be onto something by saying that. I cant comment to much about where the motives came from to act as we do, and how much of it is enforced by society, because its not something ive researched extensively.

I can say that the motives behind other things I can show.

Such as society and sex. If a girl has sex with 20 guys in a week, social standard is she is a slut. If a guy has sex with 20 girls in a week, social standard he is a stud. This creates an issue for women to deal with, because they enjoy sex too (again, the majority, not everyone), but they don't want to look like a slut. So women either go about justifying it "its just sex, everyone does it" and when people generally act one way about a topic, they don't change their overall view for ghandling a situation. So that same girl will justify other things in life as well "its just drinking everyone does it" "its just swearing everyone does it" "its just getting a tattoo everyone does it" these people will probably also be rebellious against their religion, and be much greater risk takers. This type also generally blames someone else before taking the blame themselves.

example: I see a girl in a bar smoking, lots of tattoos. I am already 99% sure that she is the type of girl to justify things, and would therefore treat sex as a "fun" thing rather then a "sacred thing"


The other end of the spectrum is well the exact opposite. A girl who doesn't take a lot of risks, probably (not always) religious, treats sex as a extremely sacred thing, and whos usual coping response is to pretend like things never happened, this type of person usually blames themselves before blaming other people. Also if this type does have tattoos, they are usually very meaningful tattoos and not some random thing they just got with their friends

Say these two girls took a test and both of them failed it, by asking how did you do on the test, each girl could say something similar to this.

1st girl: It was the f*****g teachers fault, he didn't ever go over that part (blaming someone else, justifying the event)
2nd girl: I don't want to talk about it (blaming herself, forgetting the event)


By all this information that people may see as stereotypical, I see those small things, as traits to show other traits about a person not yet revealed. That is why I feel I became successful at it