Flirting: OK...now I'm REALLY confused....

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Sometimes I recognize when someone is flirting with me I just don't know how to react to it. I also have been mistaken and thought someone was flirting with me when they were not. When someone winks at me I think it is because they like me. I guess this is not the only thing winking means. I've tried winking at people and they laugh at me.

A really cute guy -- Daniel King where are you? -- in one of my college classes winked at me once, and I remember it like it happened yesterday (it was in 1987). If done properly, winking is devastatingly sexy.

Wow I can relate so well to this. I often think that I'm seeing things that aren't there but it turns out that I read signals correctly.

....and this too. Sometimes I recognise it and like the guy as well but I really have little clue of how to respond properly so I just laugh and be friendly....

I really want and need an 'advanced social skills course' but it's not there. Yet sometimes in more socially complex situations such as these I simply have NO clue, as if my mind is blank in that aspect. More generally speaking there were times and occurrences where I literally had no idea of what was going on, if someone was being appropriate or inappropriate and with either option, how to respond. I hate it when that happens.

I would love to hear some of these pointers, because I have a really hard time telling the difference. I can't even tell the difference between flirting or just being friendly. My aim though is more to avoid giving off the wrong signals to guys I'm not interested in, which seems to happen a lot. I need to be able to recognize what is going on and redirect the conversation before they become obnoxious about it.



I can relate to that because in retrospect, I usually knew something was up but I don't really know for sure unless it gets really obvious and up until that point I keep questioning what is really going on. For me it's not low self-esteem, I think I just have a totally different interpretation of what's going on, almost like it's a cultural difference. I just don't understand the culture behind flirting.

That's just it...there WERE no pointers. She said that she has the exact same feelings and doubts as I -- and apparently everybody here on WP -- have, only she trusts her gut, and doesn't let it devastate her when she's wrong. But I just can't help thinking that there's STILL something that I'm not catching. There MUST be something men (and women for you guys) are doing when they are serious that they don't do when they're just being friendly. Look how many people go on dates and hook up! SOMEBODY is getting it. An earlier thread on making eye contact suggested that people with poor eye contact skills -- mine are god-awful -- are missing a big part of flirting because so much of someone's thoughts and intentions can be read in the eyes.



That's a good point. Why are men you want nothing to do with more persistent than the ones you do like? What hints do I have to give to make them go away? I've done everything short of punching them in the face -- no eye contact, picking up something to read, changing the subject, start a conversation with someone else -- to get them to go away.

I had a thought about this once -- I figured that the reason men I'm not attracted to hit on me is because I'm not showing any nervousness. I'm my sparkling, clever self and they respond to that. But with men I AM attracted to, I get all awkward and stupid and embarrassed, which they DON'T respond to. As with everything else, if I could get the anxiety under control, I'm be ahead of the game.

I'm gonna see my friend again tomorrow. I'm going bring up some of the concerns y'all have pointed out and see what she says. More later...

Wow, didn't know that was possible, because we're 'merica! #1 at everything.

I'm clueless when it comes to flirting. Even now with my wife I'm completely hopeless. She basically has to say "I want sex right now" for me to have any idea that she's making a move. She used to get so mad. I'd have to explain to her that I had no clue.

I have had a girlfriend (not anymore ) but I never flirted with her, ever. I think that people who flirt with other people view that person as an object, not another person.

I've said for years and years that in social/dating situations I feel like in my junior high they must have had some kind of class or assembly that taught all the boys and girls the mechanics of flirting and socializing and relating to each other, and I was out sick that day. Everybody seems to know how to do it but me. But based on the responses I've received on this thread, I know now that I'm FAR from the only one whose mystified about this.

Another problem I am told I have is that I seem to put up a "wall" of some sort between myself and any man who wants to get close to me, either physically or emotionally. Apparently because of it, the vast majority of men get the impression that I'm not interested when I actually am. And very few have made the effort to break through that wall. The thing is -- I don't understand what this means. I mean, I understand what they mean by a "wall" -- not a physical wall but an emotional wall. But I don't know what this wall is, and don't know how to either keep from building it, or how to tear it down. I don't know if I'm coming across as afraid or arrogant or flippant. And if I don't know what it is, how can I fix it?

I hadn't thought of it that way, but yeah that's the feeling it gives me. Being treated like an object.



I had a roommate in college who told me how her mother taught her how to flirt with guys. Every little gesture had a specific meaning. Like if you flip your hair this way, it means one thing, and if you flip your hair the other way it means something else. I don't remember any of the specifics but there was a whole code for it.

I thought it was the most bizarre thing I had ever heard, and I didn't believe any of it really meant anything. I figured it was just some silly thing her mother had read in a magazine when she was a kid or something. But my roommate sure did know how to attract guys. She never had a real boyfriend though, just lots of guys wanting to have sex with her.



I have the opposite problem, for some reason they think I'm interested when I'm not. I'm really not sure what it might be, other than the fact that I'm breathing?? Or maybe I smile too much or make too much eye contact. I've also occasionally had other people mistake me for having a crush on someone that I wasn't even remotely attracted to.

They are other ways to express your feelings, just not like that. So don't think about flirting.