Feelings of being awkward

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I just try to act like I'm preoccupied thinking about something. That's how NT's look to me. They walk around thinking about things, oblivious of the people around them. I just try to mimic them, if I can. I guess it would help if I had some kind of smart phone computer to play with, but I only have a trackphone.

When I'm talking lol

Ha! Right, well, what I've found is that the reason a conversation might feel awkward is because of inwardly directed assessment and likely accompanied by criticism. That can make me feel off-balance, and it all may be going on somewhere in my head even though I'm not aware of it. But I don't want to go off on a tangent on that, so,

Is it awkward from the time you go up to someone and words start leaving your lips? Or does it become awkward after the conversation has started and you try to say things relevant and appropriate and maybe get "that look" from the person you're talking to?

The reason I'm asking is that I've found one to be like a confidence or "comfort with self" issue, and the other more related to tracking through conversational intent in order to find content. They're related, but I've dealt with them somewhat differently.

Awkwardness causes even more awkwardness. It's a vicious cycle. I've reached the point where it seems impossible to recover from it. I'm so good at spreading my tension/awkwardness to other people that wherever I go, the air changes and people become uncomfortable and eventually annoyed/hostile. I just avoid people.

Learning how to deal with people was one of the reasons I joined the military. However, I cannot at this time endorse my decision regarding this option.

You're right about the cycle. It's actually a biochemical process.

Dr. Joe Dispenza has a presentation on youtube where he explains the biology of how thinking affects feeling and creates a cycle where feeling develops to affect thinking: http://youtu.be/IqdS08eThT0

Have any of you guys seen a movie called Scanners? The protagonist in that movie has no control over his "scanning" ability, which is a form of telepathy. Anyway, even though it is fiction, the stuff he goes though before learning how to control his power is like an ultra extreme form of what we're talking about here. When he interprets the things people feel about him as being negative, he goes into a kind of trance and they end up having a nose bleed or worse. And he doesn't mean for any of it to happen. He can't function and lives as a derelict because of it.

Lots and lots of things make me feel awkward. I know I can be an awkward person, and I also feel awkward very easily. I can also feel other people's awkwardness, which is a pain up the arse too (not literally )

I often feel awkward when I'm walking behind two or more people who are together, and they're walking slower than I am but there's no room to over take them so I just kind of lingering behind them for ages. Then if one of them turns their head round enough to see me in their periphery and then turn right round to look at me, that's what makes me feel awkward - especially when the other person or people with them turn around to look at me a second or two later. I feel differently when I'm in this situation in a very quiet place, because you don't see so many people so when somebody appears behind you it's more understandable to look. But in a busy street where there's people everywhere, somebody's bound to be somewhere near you.

I suffer from agoraphobia, so I cannot really be of much help. Unfortunately, I have to leave my residence a few times a month. When I am out, I am on overload. Here's what happens: Bad anxiety/panic attacks, I get meltdowns, start dragging my feet, run into things, get very frustrated, forget things, get disoriented, have periods where I appear catatonic, and my pain increases. Usually my mother can see when I get really bad. It is mentally and physically exhausting for me.

I'm awkward all the time. Doesn't matter the context.

Online? Yep.
With family? Yep.

This may be why I never really considered dating. When I did end up asking a girl out it took less than a day to realize I bit off more than I could chew. Even if, and it's a big if, I could be comfortable with her and make her happy... being a bf in public? Around her family and my family? Eventually having kids and taking them to school, play dates, etc.?

My head wants to explode just thinking about it. So no matter how wonderful of an idea it sounds in theory it's too much. Heck having friendships proved too much. I'm just not good with people. They want more than I know how to give them. All I give them is awkward.