Family Matters

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You did the right thing. You can be proud of how you acted. Most people would be afraid to say anything. If you have a mindset you just go by it and don't listen to anyone and that is something most people can't do. I salute you my man!

Thank you. I've been working on that for years and I know that I have years to go. I was raised rough and have made a conscious effort over the last twenty six years to do just that. It just doesn't come easily but I appreciate the reminder. Thank you very much.

Thank you. "The right thing" seems to always get me in trouble. I've come to the determination that neurotypical people live in a world of little white lies and self-deception and don't want to be made aware of anything that may change that. I don't know how to function in that type of social atmosphere.

This post really makes me think how the people who I have the hardest time with are actually the people everyone has trouble with. Just difficult, unpleasant people. I am wondering whether their usual manipulative tactics go a bit over my head after reading this post, and maybe then they get angry they aren't having the control and power they expect (because I did not get some social cue or understand what the expected, typical response would be).

Are your family generally liked, or could they be described as difficult or manipulative. Just thinking, maybe they could be a bit. They certainly aren't noticeably kind and respectful with you.

I do have the same issues with my family. Glad your wife and children are more enjoyable and positive!!

It's quite possible that you're right, waterfall. I have one sister who accepts me for who I am and one brother who tries but gets irritated with me when I'm right about something he doesn't want to hear. I love them all but they don't respect my words, especially when I voice my feelings, opinions or observations. I recently apologized to my mother if anything I said sounded offensive, she responded by accusing me of not thinking clearly. This is a repetitive pattern with her and my other three siblings. I don't have this problem with my friends. I've only ever had it with most of my bosses (except the two mentioned earlier) and with my mother and oldest brother. My other sister simply ignores me because she hates confrontation and doesn't want to look at herself in the mirror and see her own unhappiness. I believe she's clinically depressed, due to the dramatic and negative changes in her behavior. All three of them have serious relationship issues. My mom's been married and divorced 5 times, my sister is divorced and has one friend left and my brother is recently divorced, angry and acting exactly like he did when he was a teenager. I suppose that my mother and older brother are manipulative. Isn't accusing me of not thinking clearly when I express my concerns a way of trying to manipulate me into not expressing myself? What do you think?

I don't get your moms reaction at all. Really strange...

They sound like they have a lot of trouble with other people.

Last edited by Protector88 on 30 Jul 2014, 9:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I didn't mean to encourage you to worry about people being manipulative, that makes me crazy. I try to recognize when things are weird to stay away when possible. What I meant was that I tend to take people at face value, as meaning what they say. And that can be problematic when they are being dramatic or manipulative.

I was just suggesting maybe it's them, not you. I sometimes get caught up in thinking I am broken, and not understanding social cues, not communicating effectively, etc. but sometimes, when people don't take me seriously and I think it's me, and get all upset with them and myself, it's because I'm believing nonsense that comes out of their mouth. And the thing typical people do that is different seems to be not taking the nonsense as personally. That's not to minimize the harm negative people can do. Just saying learning to come back at someone who is negative, or become aloof rather than confronting, keeps me calmer than wondering why. Some people are difficult and you're giving examples of difficult behavior. I guess also, sometimes it helps to try to see patterns in others and not get too caught up in what has little to do with us. Someone tends not to listen to anyone I could take it personally because I'm not an efficient communicator, but the reality is that if the person rarely listens to anyone, who I am and how I communicate really don't matter because it's not about me at all.

I'm sorry, I don't know that my thoughts are very helpful. This is your family, after all....people who, ideally, love and accept you completely. That's the ideal, anyway.