can't get a gf to save my life help

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Maybe you could talk to some ladies right here on WrongPlanet!

Forgot to add I have very few friends because most NT's don't accept me due to my AS and I'm not good at anything really so I have to use basic distractions.

Getting to know a few girls, as friends, is probably a good idea. Right now you have them up on a pedestal and you are treating them like magical unicorns (I can tell from the way you are talking about them "get a girlfriend" like a girlfriend is an accessory or object, then you go onto call them shallow and then you turn into a lot of "them" and "me" termininology...) . They're people, just like you, just like anyone else. Your issues have more to do with how you percieve them, and how that causes you to interact with them, than anything else. You don't usually get a girlfriend by chatting a girl up in a bar or talking to her for 5 minutes in a book store. That is how you get a hook up. If you want a girlfriend, you will have to try elsewhere.

I might recommend trying to find an aspie girl. You might try online dating. If you are into any extra curriculars, you might try conventions (sci fi, anime if those are your thing), book clubs, pub trivia... anything that involves interacting AND something interesting IF you can handle that sort of thing... and if you can't then you really have got to try to work with that, around that, or on that.

Girls aren't a different seperate species. They're human beings. Once you start seeing them as part of your team rather than part of some other team, or worse, the opposing team, the pieces will fall into place.

I strongly agree, CWA.

I'll just add that the key is "a real RELATIONship" this means you have to relate to each other. This means that you communicate with each other to share in each other's perceptions, experiences and reactions to life.

Sometimes this is mutual appreciation of something, sometimes you disagree but understand the other perspective. Getting that perspective is what is impaired by autism. So you have to work hard on communication.

I have relied on one relationship for so long that I don't really know how it works in most cases for other people, but what helped to build a relationship with my girlfriend who became my wife was to share experiences of and reactions to music, books, plays and movies. I tended to monologue about the science I was interested, and she tolerated that as long as I would hear her out about her interest in drama and literature. We saw movies and watched TV together and talked about the plots, characters, editing and direction together.

We also talked about feelings a lot. I have come to understand that I am not good at recognizing the emotional states of others (or myself, quite often)--certainly not as good as I thought I was--but with enough communication that is a gap that can be bridged. A useful thing is to learn "active listening" but you must really, really want to understand the perspective of the other person.

When we were first getting together, my girlfriend and I would sometimes go out to see a play or listen to music, then go to a restaurant, then go home and talk for four or five hours straight, sharing everything. We used to see the sky brighten with the dawn often.

The strength of the relationship we formed in that process and keep renewing through deep, effortful communication has lasted thirty years.

Well a couple things, for one perhaps part of your issue is putting most of your focus on 'getting a girlfriend' like its something you have to do right now, perhaps you come off just a bit too intense, like maybe some females you've talked to or tried to express interest in felt you might want to jump in too quick, maybe they would prefer to get to know you and see how things go without there being the big obligatoin of you expecting that they are for sure going to end up being your girlfriend. I don't know if any of that is the case in your situation....but I know there is a such thing as trying 'too' hard and sometimes that can back fire a bit.

Also not all women are shallow, and there are aspie females and others that aren't neurotypical.....sometimes they might be more accepting having dealt with some of the issues associated with having something like AS....I don't think there would be anything wrong with someone without aspergers dating someone with it, but of course some people would reject someone for that. Either way real relationships take time.

There is something about loneliness and longing for a relationship / friendship that alot of people with AS dont get. I have been down that path aswell.. i thought having a relationship would fix everything. You see, when you build this image in your head over the years of how a friendship or relationship looks like, it is FAR from what the reality actually is. Most of the time you just think a real friendship or relationship has only the good stuff like in a fairy tale. That's what happens when you want it SO badly after so many years of waiting, right?

To tell you the truth, i've had relationships before trying to fill in the loneliness. After a few weeks you start to share private stuff because that's what you think a relationship is about right?

Well, this only backfired to me a few weeks later when they just dumped you for no reason and they would use all the personal information against you.

And no, having several relationships did not reduced my loneliness in ANY WAY. Yeah the sex and hugs were nice.. but my AS just makes me operate on a different frequency.

My opinion can be considered rather bleak on this matter - I don't have any problems finding women who are attracted to me, but I do find they stop me from being able to do the things I enjoy as well as disrupting my routine.

Personally I prefer short experiences.

I highly recommend you consider the following advice:

You have to have a good relationship with yourself before you can have a good relationship with other men.

You have to have a good relationship with other men before you can have a relationship with a woman.

Also, take it from some one who has dated beautiful women-as another WP member stated earlier, having a beautiful woman in you're life is not the solution to all you're problems.