Ever hear this phrase, " Autistics never lie or engage

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League_Girl
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28 Sep 2014, 10:32 pm

This always bothers me when I read it. I have seen ASD people lie. Frankie was a pathological liar because he always made up stories about his life and would play the victim saying how "mean" my brothers were to him leaving out what he was doing to them.

I will lie if I have to to protect myself or someone and if I am embarrassed about something.


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29 Sep 2014, 2:31 am

Everything can be learned, including lies. They might not come naturally but I'm sure everyone older than 4 or 5 is capable of small white lies at least. :) People who never need to lie either come from incredibly nice and tolerant families, or make social blunders left and right. "Your new dress reminds me of a mossy boulder. Do you still have the receipt?" generate way too much trouble compared to "Oh it's lovely!"

I think lying skillfully is worth spending time and energy to practice on.


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seaturtleisland
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29 Sep 2014, 4:09 am

I've said this phrase which proves the first part of it false because it isn't true. Also it isn't true that I've actually said this phrase.



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29 Sep 2014, 4:13 am

starkid wrote:
calstar2 wrote:
The intent wasn't usually to deceive, but it's lying nonetheless.


What do you mean? Intention to deceive is practically the definition of lying. How could you have been lying if you had no intention to deceive?


Ok, yeah if you're getting into the technicalities.What should I call it instead? A fabrication, an untruth, a fib? At the end of the day, if you habitually say things that are not true, it's irrelevant as to what your intentions were. I tended to get caught up in fantasy worlds and it leaked into real life often. What were stories for me ended up presented as truths to other because of their realistic nature. Still lying imho, because it's not like i would go back and take it back after I'd realize it.

Most compulsive liars don't even realize that they're lying as they have themselves fooled as well. If you are fooling yourself into believing your own lies, doesn't that technically mean that you're not intending to mislead others? Would their lies not be lies either?



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29 Sep 2014, 11:47 am

I did lie as a child. I was a very cheeky little girl, even when I was as young as 4. I remember when I was 4 we all had to draw windows and a door on to a sheet of coloured paper, and make it look like the front of our own house. I forgot myself, and drew the outline of my house, then started to draw little squares for the windows. Then the teacher assistant saw and said ''no, you wasn't supposed to draw the house, the whole paper is supposed to be the house and you've just got to draw the windows and the door.'' I liked what I done, and I didn't want to start all over again, so I quickly said ''no, this is actually my front door, it has two windows.'' And I quickly drew a door handle. The assistant believed me and let me carry on. I did start to feel worried afterwards in case the assistant came past my house and saw that my front door didn't really have two windows and then scold me for lying. :lol:

So yes I wasn't as innocent as you would think I was. All children are innocent to a degree, and I was too, but I think I was just average. Please don't ask how they diagnosed me with Asperger's when I was as young as 8 when I wasn't even like a typical Aspie kid, but that's just another mystery what will live with me forever.


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29 Sep 2014, 6:31 pm

I always liked playing make-believe games as a child, I have always been a huge daydreamer, and I'm very much into fiction like movies/series, books, comics and manga, and video games. (That's another stereotype; aspies don't like fiction)

As for lying, I told my first lie when I was 4. Why? To avoid getting in trouble with my father.
I have since lied to protect someone, to avoid trouble, to spare someone's feelings, to fit in, to avoid doing something I didn't wish to do (mostly go to school), to get someone to stop nagging about something.
I think I lie less than NTs, but I still do lie.

I don't think there is a human alive that always tells the truth, to say nothing of the entire truth, or so-called lying by omission (which I honestly don't see as lying).

B19 wrote:
Yes OP, I certainly have heard and read this countless times. My two cents worth: it is dehumanising, patronising and isolating.

I agree.

Another member here used to say something very good about it, it went along the line of:

"Can aspies do [insert activity]?
Can humans do [insert activity]?
If yes, aspies can [insert activity]."


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29 Sep 2014, 6:50 pm

Thanks I love that :)



CockneyRebel
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29 Sep 2014, 8:25 pm

I've lied to my parents all through high school in order to keep myself from getting into trouble, just for being an autistic person who had no interests in popular culture, my generation or the NT world.


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30 Sep 2014, 6:50 am

Quote:
...to protect someone, to avoid trouble, to spare someone's feelings, to fit in, to avoid doing something I didn't wish to do (mostly go to school), to get someone to stop nagging about something.


Most people use these sorts of lies. You get some NTs that lie more than others, but I believe these is the average stuff people lie about. I try to be an honest person, but I do use these lies often, and I know when to lie and so on. That's never been a social cue I have struggled with, not even as a child. I know some honest NTs that I can trust, but they still use these lies when they want or need to. Sometimes a situation comes along where you have to make up a story in a way that convinces people, and I can do that too, usually. But I don't often run into those situations. Like my (NT) uncle always says: ''you tell a lie, then you might have to cover that up with another lie, which then might have to be covered up by another lie until you end up in a right mess of yourself and you lose respect from people.'' That is true. It's OK to use lies in moderation, but for telling lies to become a compulsory, it's not always that good.


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30 Sep 2014, 11:04 am

mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
I lie sometimes, and I used to engage in make-believe all the time when I was a kid, yet it's pretty clear-cut I'm somewhere on the spectrum. How else do you explain sensory sensitivities, an early-childhood speech delay, a predisposition to literal thinking, and special interests?


^^^ Yup - sounds like me too!

:D


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30 Sep 2014, 11:10 am

I can lie when I feel that it's necessary, but I have great trouble with the daily, expected white lies and untrue programmed responses: "How are you?" is the classic conundrum. I usually don't do them, because they make me uncomfortable. On the "How are you?", I might possibly ask it, if I _do_ care, and know that the person I'm greeting has been having problems. As an answer, instead of saying "Fine", which I'm usually not, my stock answer is "Puttin' one foot in front t'other--you?" (The "you" isn't too hard to add, because it could be like asking for a joke back). It got me into a little trouble the other day, though, that script that usually satisfies me. It happened that the Greeter in WalMart was a legless man in a wheel chair, and _he_ used "How are you" with a smile on me. I didn't think about saying that "Puttin' one foot in front t'other" to a legless man until after it was already out! I didn't apologize, seemed like that could only make it worse, and hoped that he wouldn't notice, or just take it as a figure of speech, like saying "I see" to a blind man. I was on the way past him even while he was greeting me, so I just kept going and didn't look back.

I remember learning to make eye contact so that I could believably tell some of those necessary lies to my mother, who believed that I couldn't be lying when looking her in the eye, and I knew that. She was quite proud of my (usual) truth-telling, too.

George Washington must have been Autistic or Aspergic. Remember the cherry tree story? "I cannot tell a lie: I cut it with my little hatchet."


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