Why do you choose to pass?

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There's no such thing.

Same for me.

Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last thirty three years for me.

Can you expand on that, I'm not sure what you mean?

Because I want stuff, and they have it, and that means they get to set the terms.

I want friends. I don't want a lot of friends, but I want a few. I want to share coffee with someone and talk, chat, BS, get another point of view. I want to help people, be part of something, and most of the people around me are NT (or at least non-autistic).

I want my kids to have friends. I want them to grow up hanging out at other kids' houses, and having other kids over (at least, if that's something they want, and it is). I want them to participate in activities, and that means I have to participate enough to facilitate. And that means I have to pass.

I want to stay married.

I want to raise my kids in peace, without stints in foster care and social workers dropping by unannounced for "wellness checks." That means I need to pass.

I don't want to be targeted. That means I need to pass.

I want to be able to hold a job someday, whether I need to or just want an income of my own. That means I need to pass.

I don't want to scare people, upset people, bother people. And everyone has their own pathologies, and then there's a**holes like Autism Speaks that make that issue even worse. If I want to live, I need to pass.

I choose to pass because I honestly don't see how I have any other option, given the environment(s) I'm in. Everyone sees me (or wants to see me) as a capable, mature, mentally and emotionally healthy young adult woman in her last year of college who is considering graduate school, and I need to do my best to give them that. It's either that or experience the complete withdrawal of love, acceptance and affection from those I care about the most. Whatever I want or need in order to cope and feel comfortable is totally irrelevant, as far as all the NTs in my life are concerned.

Also, I think BuyerBeware's post really hits the nail on the head - that is, sums it up really well.

I cannot pass. My dad said I am "obviously autistic" when people observe me. I guess my autism affects me to a degree that I cannot pass. I need a support worker just to go to the bank, and when I get there, I start stuttering and stimming big time (and I cannot do eye contact at all with anyone) while trying to talk to the assistant at the bank, then my support worker has to step in and talk for me. At uni I get selective mutism and have been given a full time autism support worker there by the NAS.

I find people are even less likely to bother me when I look anything but 'normal'...except people who want to bum or buy a cigarette or to borrow a lighter to light one, dress like that and you'll probably get more of that...lol, of course even some of them will be afraid to approach you....or rather afraid of being seen associating with such an individual. Those people can go away...anyways.

I try to pass as much as I can when my survival is at stake. Work, medical care for me and my cats, landlords, bank and little else.

Truth is that I passed for as long as I could, until all the pressures in my personal life, combined with a drastically changing work environment, came to bear. After suffering in silence as long as I could, taking the changes at work the best way I knew how, I finally had a full blown meltdown at work shortly after arriving one morning. I had enough, and just cracked.
Since then, I pretty much don't care what the world sees in me. I never had children, am currently unmarried, and am totally exhausted by it all. Time to just be me for awhile. And I'm learning that I'm not really that bad a person, though there is still a lot to learn in light of my recent diagnoses.

Honestly- I don't have the energy to deal with all the crap that comes with NOT passing. I try to pass at church and with extended family, that's about it.

I simply can't handle trying to find words to explain autism, being autistic and *gasp* female, how the spectrum really works, how we all aren't strong in the same areas, no Autism Speaks sucks and I won't be your poster child, I CAN make eye contact it just wears me the frigg out, this is woof- he's my stuffed animal friend, I already eat X diet, yes I've heard about vaccine BS, hand flapping means I'm happy, this is my tablet for AAC, please observe patience and standard manners while I try to type out a reply to you in this crowded hallway.

This for people that don't REALLY care? Why would I *not* want to pass? If you ask them, oh they say they care- but if they really did care they would do more to understand. Curiosity is not the same thing as caring.

My family wants me to show up, shut up and eat their food; then they want me to go away until the next appointed time. They don't really care about me, my point of view, my feelings or my life experience. They care about telling me what my life is like, what I enjoy doing/watching and that's it.

The people at church are very nice and kind- but I don't have the energy to explain myself fifty times to people I see twice a week. SOME of those people, sure I'll take the time- but all of them? They don't really CARE, they're just interested or trying to make conversation.

I don't recall ever actively trying to pass and I don't think I would ever waste my time trying. If I didn't tell anyone about being an aspie, I doubt they would ever know. I have been bullied and/or labeled weird, talented, lazy, @$$hole, etc. Such things arise from a lack of knowledge, education, and understanding.

I will always be who I am so instead of trying to be something I'm not, I prefer to strive towards being the best "me" that I can be.

I try. I can't do it well enough to keep jobs or friends, but I can manage (I think) with brief social interactions. It saves me from some of the condescending/hurtful treatment I'd otherwise get. I don't necessarily come off as autistic, but people will eventually decide I'm "crazy", "stupid", or just a bad person.

I've heard that "passing", when you're part of a marginalized group, is morally questionable, but frankly, I don't have the luxury of worrying about that - I'm just trying to get through my days without encountering the kind of cruelty that will throw me back into depression. I don't feel like those aspies who can "pass" well enough to keep a job are traitors or something, I say, more power to 'em, just don't forget where you came from. Those of us who can succeed can, perhaps, do something to help the rest.

I used to choose to pass via intuitive coping mechanisms before I even knew what my diagnosis was.. because it's just better to fit in.

Now I don't really have to choose to pass; I just.. pass. Much more naturally than ever. This is due to how I've managed to treat my symptoms. I prefer it for work/life/social success purposes by far. I've been able to work harder and better than ever all year, have earned more money, have had more fun, have made more friends.. and will continue to improve myself, my health, my future financial situation etc. I wouldn't be able to do any of these things w/o having first rid myself of the life hindering and debilitating symptoms I had. Also, more importantly than career/business/finances, I prefer my passable self for the purpose of eventually finding love - a partner in crime.. I know that if my symptoms still presented as strongly as they have in the past I wouldn't even consider dating anyone for I wouldn't want to burden them. But, now that I'm a happier healthier wealthier better version of myself, I feel much more confident about meeting a special someone sometime and eventually moving forward with a relationship.

I pass for neurotypical to survive in an society where there's so much ableism sometimes, when I have to hide my odd habits like fidgeting with my hair when really I was fixing my hair or when I pretend to be normal so I won't be seen as strange. I had no choice but to take on a guise as someone normal inside me. I have to act nonchalant when I'm around crowds or other place.

I wish it was okay to hair fidget in public. It totally distracts me.
I looked up ableism and wikipedia suggests that it is when people see divergence from the most able condition as undesirable and to be marginalized. That seems unforgiving as not being able in one area doesn't necessitate the same in another. If it's true that autistic people have more neuralreceptors (or whatever) maybe we are capable of seeing and understanding things that so called able are not. Perhaps if it's the case that we have skills to offer others may be more accepting of our natural behaviour and passing will become less important.