Not Growing Up Properly

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Joined: 4 May 2010
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20 Oct 2014, 3:14 pm

I've always been immature & dependent for my age partly due to disabilities in addition to ASpergers.

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Rocket123
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28 Oct 2014, 9:31 am

BirdInFlight wrote:

I feel I'm the same as the OP -- I can pay bills, do my taxes, hold down a job (only just...) and be a grownup in the important ways you can't get out of, but I also feel I never really grew up and I'm still very much a kid.

Despite the fact that I am married with two children, I never considered myself to be an adult. I am quite OK being socially immature.

jbw wrote:

The dominant AS learning style is autodidactic (first hand experiments, conscious observation and analysis, critical analysis of the experiments and observations made by others, ?) rather than social (intuitive and mostly subconscious copying of the behaviour of others).

This fits for me.

Periwinkle88
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28 Oct 2014, 11:30 am

Always have acted young for my age.

eggheadjr
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28 Oct 2014, 12:42 pm

I'm a responsible adult, have a good job - and go home and play with LEGO and my trains.

According to my psychologist - all of that is A-OK.

My wife seems to have her head around it too.

Life's good.

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Diagnosed Asperger's

ZenDen
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29 Oct 2014, 8:02 am

[quote="Rocket123"][quote="BirdInFlight"]I feel I'm the same as the OP -- I can pay bills, do my taxes, hold down a job (only just...) and be a grownup in the important ways you can't get out of, but I also feel I never really grew up and I'm still very much a kid.[/quote]
Despite the fact that I am married with two children, I never considered myself to be an adult. I am quite OK being socially immature.

[quote="jbw"]The dominant AS learning style is autodidactic (first hand experiments, conscious observation and analysis, critical analysis of the experiments and observations made by others, ?) rather than social (intuitive and mostly subconscious copying of the behaviour of others).[/quote]
This fits for me.[/quote]

Me too.

The "unwritten law" that says you must drop childhood enjoyments as you age is trash and totally illogical considering enjoyment in this world is becoming more scarce as war and Ebola and starvation (etc. etc. etc.) force themselves into the public consciousness.

In fact, even though I'm officially an "old fart", I still receive pleasure from many things NTs would call childish; so what?

I avoided my special enjoyments while at work, knowing there wouldn't be many to "share" with while avoiding the "adult" passions (for example) of drinking and gambling, enjoyed by many coworkers. It suits me just fine.

In fact, at my demise, I'm heading for "the second star on the right and straight on 'til morning"; I hope I'm not the last one to the party.

jbw
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01 Nov 2014, 4:04 am

GibbieGal wrote:

jbw wrote:

Thanks for the article, it was fascinating.

Here is a pointer to some intriguing research on the dominant neurotypical learning style: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/20 ... 133358.htm

The research, published in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science, is novel in that it provides a direct comparison between apes and humans indicating that the tendency to abandon one's own preferences just in to fit in appears to be particularly pronounced in humans....

Haun and colleagues had found that both human children and chimpanzees rely on the majority opinion when they are trying to learn something new, which makes sense if the group has knowledge that the individual doesn't. But other research has shown that human adults sometimes follow the majority even when they already have the relevant knowledge, just so that they don't stand out from the group....

"We were surprised that children as young as 2 years of age would already change their behavior just to avoid the relative disadvantage of being different"

The implications for the evolution of human cultures, of having a spread of learning styles within a population, and a strong bias towards social learning, are profound. I have outlined my thoughts on this topic in an earlier post http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp6167036.html.

Adamantium
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01 Nov 2014, 5:40 am

BuyerBeware wrote:

I used to wonder when I was going to grow up.

Because I could wash dishes, and clean house, and not let a baby die, and make a budget, and pay bills, and hold a crappy job, and all the grownup things...

...but I still liked to play Dungeons and Dragons and skip through the woods and go on long drives for absolutely no reason and hang out with my friends.

I was, like, 25, and I thought I ought to be all serious and responsible by now.

Well, now I'm 36. I don't enjoy roleplaying anymore, I don't hang out with friends, can't remember the last time I was in the woods, and tend to b***h about having to drive more than 20 minutes to anywhere.

My idea of "fun" now consists of alcohol and finding someone more f****d-up than me to hate on.

I guess I'm all grown up now???

Enjoy childlike pursuits like throwing rocks, flicking cigarette butts, and playing games while it lasts. Especially if you can pay bills and hold a job, there's nothing wrong with it...

...and once it's gone, it won't come back.

That doesn't sound like maturing, that is a list if symptoms of depression.

I saw that there was an organized D&D game at a local hobby shop last year and I went. It was the first time I had played in about 3 decades but I yad a really good time.

It can come back, but not while you are depressed.

elfaoife
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01 Nov 2014, 6:00 am

Personally I don't feel immature, in fact I think I may be more mature than my average age group. It may have something to do with having had a troubled childhood. I do have a childlike fascination and am sometimes quite innocent/naive, but typically I am a very serious/boring person.

My boyfriend however, who is also an aspie, plays with Lego and sleeps with teddy bears. Which at first I found quite odd but later, after some thought, just accepted it as a quirk. Now I find it oddly charming.

We are both very mature in some aspects and as equally immature in others.

Rocket123
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01 Nov 2014, 3:18 pm

jbw wrote:

Fascinating. When I first entered the workforce (after graduating from college), I attended a class that presented the topic of groupthink. I remember thinking, how could people be susceptible to that. I wonder if groupthink is somehow related to this research.

VioletYoshi
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01 Nov 2014, 5:11 pm

If we didn't have immature adults there would be no one to create cartoons.

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