Parents called out police two days in a row

Post Reply New Topic

If anyone could use a joint/spliff, it's you. Seriously you've got to just calm down because even though there is a lot of build up letting it out will only make it even worse. I remember when I couldn't wait to escape, what a relief.

Sorry for a slightly late reply, folks. Not that there's anything new to report - still at home, but not speaking to my parents and vice versa.

@nick007 - Sorry about your experiences as well. I dunno why parents think threatening/terrorising their children into good behaviour ever works. It may put a lid on things in the short term, but in the long term - it just doesn't work. Anyway, nah, I've not tried antipsychotics or beta blockers. Don't know much about the latter, but the former terrify me. I don't even really like taking antidepressants, but at least I know they won't make me gain weight (weight I really don't need to gain), give me tics, or whatever. My anger outburts are relatively infrequent - but obviously very, very bad when they do happen.

@animalcrackers - Thanks, I appreciated the reassurance. As for my housing officer, he definitely knows everything. From the beginning, I found him easier to talk to than most other professionals (including psychologists/psychiatrists). And yesterday, by my standards, I had a positive heart-to-heart with him - even went back into childhood.

I think I've missed the boat for appealing the council's decision to put me in a band D. According to my housing officer, some people don't make it onto the housing register at all, not even at the lowest banding. I was pretty honest when I first applied. My GP also wrote a supporting letter, which he worded strongly (or so I thought). Maybe the two back-to-back police visits might change their minds - or maybe it just might make them think I'll be a problem tenant =/

@Lukecash12 - The problem is, I don't actually know anyone to buy it from... :-/

In the States, parents call the police start a paper trail to force insurance to pay for long term residential treatment. Spouses do that to force treatment.

My husband had a melt down, and I did call the police. He was doing something was endangering himself and others. Frankly, at that moment, I didn't call about him, I called because I wanted no one else getting hurt.

The officer asked if I wanted him arrested for domestic violence. I said no, and he went to the hospital for an psychiatric evaluation. He was not diagnosed ASD at the time.

So, yes, you can get charged with an offense during a melt down, depending how violent. I could have had my husband charged with domestic violence and had a PPO taken out. I did neither. Having "anger issues" is really not an excuse that judges buy into.

My husband's melt down was not triggered by me. I was leaving the house when the things went to total hell, and a neighbor vid recorded the whole on his phone.

The police though he was on meth. Sigh...

If you live in the states, things can be much different.

I hope you are feeling better, and find another place to live.

(hugs)

If I were you I would buy a punching bag or something to beat the s**t out of when you get angry

also judging by your post your parents seem to think that trying to lock you in the house seems like a good idea when you get angry, which is probably not a good idea as I find that when I get angry a long walk or working out can really help me calm down

However in defence of your parents, I would be pretty pissed of if i was them due to all the likely property damage and I would also have prob called the police if i was them

I think what you're talking about is being charged for assault or threats of harm to others.

If you don't assault or threaten harm to other people during your meltdowns, you cannot be charged for assault or threatening people.



I'm glad your housing worker is easy to talk to.

Sucks about the housing register....if you ever want to check about appealing, here is a website: https://www.gov.uk/appeal-council-housing-decision -- I guess it varies by county?

Having been on the other end of some meltdowns from my husband - which actually aren't that bad compared to some people on here and I would guess the OP. They are very, very, very scary. The behaviour is abusive. Doesn't matter what the intent is -it's received as abuse, it looks like abuse and it is abuse. It causes the same reaction.

Minimising the impact of these experiences does no one any favours.

Okay, I'm getting a lot of implied criticism now.

First off, I wasn't wrecking the house. I wasn't kicking down doors, smashing up chairs, or whatever - I created an unholy mess in the kitchen, and broke a few bowls and things, but nothing which permanently damaged the property.

Second, I wasn't aiming anything at my parents, but well away from them. I didn't hit them or threaten to hit them.

Thirdly, none of you have no idea of my background. No idea. You don't know how long I've lived in fear of my dad for. So STFU, thank you.

Appreciate where you're coming from. Still don't understand why the police were needed to be called in. Is this a common thing in the US? In Australia I don't think the police would have accepted the call. From what you say, it comes across that you have a fear of your dad and that your meltdowns are related to actions by your father. If that's the case and the issues can't be resolved by social workers, then I think you really need to get out of the house for a while.

Hello

I have a past I am not proud of. I used to destroy everything, hurt people and myself. At 26, I am nearly free of these problems. One big improvement was moving into my own flat with support workers coming in. My Mum refused to call the police because she knew that it would send me down the criminal justice route when what I needed was therapy for my anger management (My Dad was violent to me as a teen and I mirrored the behaviour). She did call the police after I tried to top myself and threatened everyone with a screwdriver. I can't remember much about that night apart from seriously wanting to end it. Anyway, some police turned up with an ambulance crew and I was carted off to A&E, left there for the night with all the drunks then taken to the mental hospital the next day. I was in there for three weeks on a 'volunteer' basis. Well technically they were quoting the mental capacity act, but they later found out they couldn't use that on me. Mum refused to take me back home (as advised by professionals) and I was put in a care home a week before my 21st birthday. I have been in care ever since. My violence continued for most of the years until a new staff arrived and tried positive reinforcement with me. So instead of getting mad every time I did something bad, she ignored me. Every time I did something good I was praised. I got moved again though and the staff at the new place disagreed with the positive reinforcement... Needless to say things went back to how they were and I ended up getting arrested, shoved in a cell, then the mental health ward again. Then I moved to the flat I live in now. The staff who does the positive reinforcement is back in control (She's my PA and has trained my other support) and within weeks I was calm again. I have only had three meltdowns since moving here in July and they were only small.

Long story short, things CAN get better x

I'm not sure if this post is partly directed at me or not, but if it is, I'm really sorry for my wording. "You" didn't mean "NiceCupOfTea", it meant "any given person". I know that you didn't hit them (you already said so) and I hadn't thought you threatened them.



I'm not minimizing the impact of abusive behaviors and I'm not trying to minimize the experience of people who witness meltdowns, either. I don't think anyone actually was.

I don't know from your post what kinds of meltdown behaviors you think are abusive, but violent behavior directed at objects or at self is not automatically abusive. If the behavior is intented to scare people, or is intended as a form of expression for other people to see (i.e. it would not happen without the intended audience), then it could be abusive. If it's an adult having meltdowns that hurt their children or other vulnerable dependents, even though there is no physical or emotional violence directed towards the children/vulnerable dependents and no intent to scare, manipulate, or communicate anything to them, then it could be abuse (or some form of neglect -- failing to protect your children/dependents from harm caused by your meltdowns). Beyond that, I can't think of any other situation where it could be abuse.

Interpreting a behavior as directed at you doesn't make it so. (I'm not saying meltdown behaviors are never directed towards other people -- sometimes they are, and it can be blatantly obvious that they are -- but I'm still talking about meltdown behaviors that aren't directed at other people in any way.) And while I can understand full well that if someone witnesses a meltdown it might be terrifying, the fact that it's terrifying doesn't make it abuse.

It might be terrifying to hear a person talk about feeling suicidal or planning to kill themselves, but that doesn't automatically mean that the person stating their feelings and thoughts about suicide is being abusive. There are scenarios where it could be abusive -- for example: It could be abuse if a parent regularly tells their child all about wanting and planning to commit suicide (for no purpose except needing someone to talk to...basically unloads on their kid -- even if the parent doesn't understand that it hurts the child); Or if a person of any age uses talk of committing suicide to hurt or scare people. But there are many situations where telling others about suicidal thoughts and feelings is not abusive at all -- the fact that statements of suicidal intention are sometimes abusive, and that whether abusive or not they look the same (the words could be the same, spoken the same way, the fear of the person who is told could be exactly the same), doesn't mean all statements of suicidal intention are abuse.

It could also be terrifying to witness a person in a psychotic state screaming and throwing things at hallucinated assailants, but that doesn't mean that the person in a psychotic state is being abusive. Even if the person watching mistakenly thinks that the individual experiencing psychosis is screaming at them, mistakenly thinks that things are being thrown across the room (not at them, not even in their direction) as some kind of scary message of anger directed at them, it doesn't make the behavior abuse. The person witnessing the behavior receives it as abuse, and it looks exactly the same as behaviors that can be abusive, but it's not abuse.

When it comes to behavior that could be scary but is not actually directed at another person, intent and context do matter in terms of whether or not something is abusive. Something can be scary and horrible and traumatizing, and not be abuse.

(And just to be perfectly clear, I am not saying that your husband's meltdowns do not involve abusive behavior -- I'm not saying anything at all about your husband's meltdowns.)

Last edited by animalcrackers on 01 Nov 2014, 8:15 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Abuse implies intent to harm. No one chooses to have a meltdown, blaming someone for an involuntary response is wrong.

Sorry for snapping, folks. Pretty much at rock bottom and wondering if my life is going to carry on getting shittier and shittier or actually do what it's never done before i.e. take a turn for the better.

@progaspie - I'm from the UK. I don't really know how the police work in different countries, but here it seems like they'd rather do anything - anything at all - except find actual criminals. Or deal with noisy neighbour complaints. (Not that I've ever had reason to complain about my neighbours, but have read horror stories from other people.)

@Jellybean - I didn't realise you could be in a care home past the age of 18... Anyway, that staff member sounds worth her weight in gold. I hope she sticks around.

@animal crackers - Sorry :-/ No, I appreciated your posts; nothing I said was aimed at you. I got touchy at some of the other posts though, because they seemed to imply I was no different from their abusive husbands. My parents would probably describe what I did as abusive; in fact I am certain they would. I don't feel it was (well, apart from verbally...), but I know if my parents spoke about what happened to any of the family, they'd get all the sympathy and I'd get all the opprobation. Incidentally, I don't have children, but I'm careful to not have meltdowns in front of my nephews. I did once and regretted it; the older boy started sobbing and I never see him cry... :/ That was about 3 years ago now and I've not had one since in their presence.

Anyway, couldn't agree more with the whole of your post. Plenty of people are scared of words on a screen, let alone angry words face to face: I'm thinking of a certain Depression forum where the moderators censor any posts talking about self-harm or suicidal thoughts. In fact they censor the posts of anyone they don't like; namely, anyone who isn't utterly bland and "positive" like themselves. In fact I could actually apply Olympiadis' hive mind theory to them, but I digress.... ¬_¬

@ViolentYoshi - Agreed. Most abusers get a kick of what they're doing. People who have meltdowns don't enjoy the experience.

The police said, all I had to tell them is I feared for my and my child's safety, and my husband would go to jail. Looking at the police report, there was debate whether to ignore my request of him NOT going to jail. Because my husband was screaming and trashing the place (put a king size holes in the wall), it is domestic violence in my state. Domestic violence IS different from pounding some guy in a bar.

Believe me, 5 squad cars showed up with guns drawn. The police saw the holes in the wall and dents in the car. The neighbor showed the vid of him running out of the house screaming he hated everyone, and other assorted stuff. No direct threats, though.

Another man in my husband's Aspie support group did wind up over night in jail for domestic violence when he was raging during a melt down. A neighbor called the police, not the wife.

It may vary from state to state, but where I live, you can get charged, irregardless of no verbal threats or actual punches/kicks being thrown.

I was told it was considered a hostile living environment. Because we have a minor child, we just BARELY fended off a full blown CPS inquiry.

I've lived this hot mess. Please don't say I don't know.

There is a bit of difference between the OP situation and mine.

My Aspie husband had not been diagnosed, but the doctor who did diagnosed him said the Autism diagnosis would not shield him in that situation.

Over 10 phone calls were called into 911, besides me, and that included a road work construction crew. A regular domestic violence called gets at least two squad cars in my area. I don't know why 10 police officers showed up. Maybe the amount of calls called in?

My husband just dodged being tasered. The police kept screaming to get on the ground (my husband hates dirt/earth/ground). He spun around and fell, so that counted as getting down on the ground. I guess.

I think the OP'S parents are trying to push him/her up in the acuity housing rating. I guess, if you call the police enough, someone will notice, and move there collective butts to do something.

Sorry, but abusive behaviour is measured by its impact, not its intent. You can't ever get inside someone else's head. Throwing stuff around, breaking dishes is violent, scary behaviour. Screaming at people, saying ugly things is abuse.

Typical neurotypical response from someone who doesn't understand what going on in the head of someone suffering from a mental disorder. That's why we need psychologists and social workers to sort out what's going on in people's heads, so we can sort people out to prevent the scary behaviour you describe.