Therapist says I have to act like an adult

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If a therapist told me to act like an adult, I'd walk out their office and never come back. I've always had issues with age and gender.

At least your therapist actually gives you advice. My therapist just tells me I already have a good life therefor I shouldn't be depressed. What kind of therapy is that?

It's not therapy. It's invalidation. Invalidating therapists are dangerous. Please consider finding another one.

I probably should. I'm supposed to see her tomorrow. My insurance has run out and I'm surprised how few therapists there are here who bulk bill. I guess they must think poor people are immune to psychological problems. I'll look into other therapists. This one listens for half an hour without saying anything and then implies that I'm a hyperchondriac.

Can't you find one who specializes in Asperger's/autism? Maybe you could ask your local Asperger's society for a referral.

Most therapists really don't know much about ASD's.

Most therapists think people should "get a life."

"Act like an adult" isn't very concrete, specific, or helpful. It may or may not be insulting, depending on context.

More concrete things, though-- Yes, you DO need to make sure you bathe, and brush, and change clothes. You DO need to make sure you pick up after yourself.

Picking up after yourself is hard, especially once it gets into a mess. Where do you start??? I tend to start with things that stink. Clean out the fridge, take out the trash, wash the dishes, scoop the cat pan, clean the toilet. Then do the laundry. Then do the things with expiration dates-- sort that pile of mail and pay bills. That's my hardest one-- paying bills and making phone calls. Then pick a room (maybe the one where you spend the most time) and make it neat. Three piles-- throw away, put away, and take to the room it belongs in. Throw away the throw aways and take out the trash again. When nothing stinks, nothing is overdue, and one room is neat, practice keeping it that way. When you can keep it that way, add another room. You make progress immediately, and within a couple of months you have a clean apartment.

Too bad it took me 10 years to learn to keep a house that way, and another 5 to really get rid of the clutter (all those useless things that I still remembered when they were good for something and enjoyed the memories). I still have more clutter than most people, but at least I can get all the rooms but my bedroom neat in a day.

Of course then you add in kids, tearing up as I clean...

And so I still end up doing the "Get one room decent, and start on the next room tomorrow" thing. Things very very seldom get to stinking nowadays, but I always have a backlog of phone calls. I tell myself, "Act like an adult." It doesn't help. What I need to do needs to be specific and concrete.

Another way is to have someone help you make a list. Monday, shower, brush your hair, and wash the dishes. Tuesday, do all that and take out the trash. Wednesday, shower, brush, wash, and clean the kitchen. Thursday, shower, brush, wash, neaten up the kitchen (it gets messy every day), and clean half of the living room (or straighten up the books, or sort out the papers, or whatever). Friday, maintain everything you've done and add something else. Saturday and Sunday, just maintain. Start over with making more progress on Monday.

No job has to be perfect to be done. "Clean the kitchen" doesn't have to mean scrubbing the stove top and polishing the sink. Just doing the dishes and getting a countertop clear enough to prepare a meal on and maybe mopping the floor. I think most of us get hung up in details like that-- I know I do. The kitchen will be gleaming while the living room has gone to pot because all I did was clean the kitchen.

Therapists tend to work according to which theory of human behaviour in psychology they chose to practice. So some are "behaviourists" who focus on punishment and rewards to modify behaviour, and are not interested in any internal thoughts, feelings or processes.

Their opposite number are the humanist therapists, of whom there are many subdivisions. They essentially believe that the dignity, wellness and wholeness of a person relies on having essential human needs met - needs for attention (we all need attention, that's not a character flaw), acceptance, affection, appreciation, validation, support. They practice by trying to identify where and how these needs are not being met and how the client can modify life circumstances in order to maximise the fulfilment of these basic emotional needs.

And there are others of course, some weirdos who have really bizarre ideas that clients shouldn't be given any answers or guidance at all, but just continually challenged to confront their defects...

The therapeutic maze...