Aspies in bording school

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Did two years in a residential treatment facility, which is like a boarding school but with lots more psychologists and psychiatrists and therapists and they really half-a** the "school" part. Got out not quite 12 years ago. Still struggling with PTSD as a result.

Holly smoke, holly cow. this is AWEFUL! must think twice before sending your kid somewhere, anywhere. cant trust anyone. mind if i ask why you didnt tell your parents? my brother - who i think is an aspie too - was bullied in boarding school and said nothing for months. aspies often keep this to themselves. i kept my problems to myself too.

What you described is the school from hell, the wrost nightmare of every kid and parent, run by monsters, a horror stephen king movie/book.

I did tell my parents, but the teacher denied everything. Nowadays he would've been dragged off by the police right after it happened. I remember trying to walk away, but being dragged back by my hair and getting punched in the belly by that teacher. THEY were the bullies! But living in the Catholic south, (older) people still could not believe men-of-the-cloth were able to do such things.

That teacher died a few years ago. I didn't want to attend the funeral, but somehow ended up passing the school while going to Germany. I stopped and saw everybody leaving. I walked to a little graveyard behind the buildings. A little dragline was following me.
When I came to the gate, I saw a grave lying open. I went there and saw the coffin in the grave. I felt some anger, but more pity ... wanted to spit on his coffin, but got a grip on myself. I thought to myself that I was raised decently: not by him, but despite of him ... and walked away ...
I thought it was all over, but when the scandal of all the abuse became known, it brought back a lot of bad memories.

Even yesterday, when I was returning with a friend, she told me that her boyfriend came from a certain small village. I was a bit stunned by it: the classmate that died, was from a little village nearby. Later when I dropped her off, I talked to him about it and he did know them very well. He went to school with the older brother and his sister went to school with my classmate.

A local musician became sort of a spokesperson for the victims (being a victim himself). He has a website where people can tell their story ... anonymous. Even then I recognize several people ... and I'm stunned by what they tell. I never ever thought that one of the monks, who looked after us after school, was capable of doing such things.

The chapel of the school still exists and is used by some rogue Catholic order, who follow the teachings of Marcel Lefebvre. That's the kind of cult that kept hiding those old Nazis. Who needs Dan Brown when you got Opus Dei and this bunch?


By the way ... I did want to become a priest, but there wasn't a lower seminary. I had to finish high school first. But by that time I got rid of my religious believes, being subjected to so many worldy influences. I didn't want to bury myself ... A few years ago I definitely renounced religion ...
I still read about it ... a Dutch theologist, Harrie Kuitert, gets misquoted a lot of times because of a certain comment he made: ‘Alle spreken over boven komt van beneden, ook het spreken dat beweert van boven te komen.’ (all sayings about above come from below, even the sayings that claim to come from above). But even though I know what it was really all about, I do like the interpretation most people give to it. He meant it as a comment about something Karl Barth said, but most people see it as a statement that religion is made up by humanity ...

To get back on track with the topic: yes, I think boarding school or military can be hard. If you can't adjust, you're lost. But maybe there is also a way to deal with things: the comradery. Being in the same bad situation makes people connect.

But keep in mind that boarding school is a special place. The kids that get send there have different reasons to be there:
- Some parents see it as a way to get a decent education. The sheltered environment should give them an opportunity to focus.
- Some kids don't fit into the common system and are send off for some special attention.
- BUT there are also the anti-socials, who get send there because they're not yet ready to go to youth detention centre/borstal school.

And that's one of the main problems of being tossed together with scum. In some strange way you can actually connect, but you also have to watch your back all the time. You can have a moment where you both have to deal with the same trouble, but once you both get back to your own group, the animosity is back again.
In such a situation it isn't hard to get used to being around people all the time ... it means safety. And in an emotional way that can be confusing. What made it extra confusing to me was that my parents always threatened to put me in boarding school as a means of punishment if I didn't behave. But when I got send there, they claimed it be a matter of rescueing me, because I couldn't get along in the normal school system.
I did end up the best of my class, but at what cost? When I went to high school, it was a culture shock. Right in the middle of a town, between the rifraf. So the sheltered experience backfired ... getting bullied all the time by kids who were on their own turf.

In the military it was not that different. I got drafted, so I didn't have a choice. Getting thrown together with some guys who were given the choice: military or doing jail time. Because of the discipline, it didn't spiral out of hand, but you still had to watch your back. What really got me were the hours I had to work. We used a system where you had one day off, then an evening shift, next day an afternoon shift, then a morning shift and finish with a night shift. Sport and exercise inbetween, which I wasn't very good at. It was as if your week only had five days. Every five or six periods of time you were allowed one period off. But your biological clock didn't have a clue where you were ... I couldn't handle it anymore after 9 months. Told them I was suicidal and it wasn't a good thing to hand me a gun and ammo while the guard was doing his rounds. Because the military was very afraid of any lawsuits, they send me off to hospital. There they gave me a choice: get admitted or get out! I opted to get out ... I was somewhat enthousiast when I started, but it wore me out in no time. I was back on the streets, without any help whatsoever ... but I did manage to crawl back up again, even though it did take a few years.