ToughDiamond wrote:
I think it's very difficult. I suppose I'd try to do the following:
1. Exchange "name, rank and serial number" first, if possible. Seems to put people at ease. Sometimes it's useful to talk about the weather next, or some other safe, non-profound matter, just to establish that the lines of communication are open.
2. Give reassurance that you're interested in them and like them. It seems quite irrational because you might not be particularly interested or like them, especially if they're new people, but I think sociable NTs find new people interesting just because they're people. Look at their faces when they're talking to you (but not for too long - I've heard that beyond 3 seconds or so they may interpret it as sexual or hostile), and also when you're talking to them (I've heard that it's normal to look at them when you begin talking, look away during the body of the sentence, and then look back at them as you end the sentence). Ask about their loved ones, their jobs, and whatever else they're most interested in, congratulate them on their successes and commiserate with them over their misfortunes. Seemingly trivial niceties such as "good to see you" seem to work wonders.
3. Try to maintain a bright, positive presentation, unless they're speaking of misfortunes, in which case empathise, but don't overdo it and drag them further into misery, remind them of the hope for something better or change the subject once you've "paid your respects" about the misfortune. It's OK to share your misfortunes with them too, but if you seem miserable or bored for long, you risk giving off unpleasant vibes. Speak clearly with normal intonation - monotone is rather hard to listen to. If you're not facing somebody, they might not be able to hear what you're saying.
4. Take part in their rituals and copy their behaviour, as far as you feel reasonably able to.
5. Try to keep conversation good and "reciprocal," i.e. take it in turns to say a little bit, avoid monologues. In a social setting you're not a solo act, it's a team effort, so play to the centre. Also reciprocate invitations to visit or hang out, greeting cards, etc.
6. Be assertive rather than aggressive or submissive. It seems odd to say don't be submissive after recommending all the above concessions, but they won't see those things as concessions. People tend to dislike submissive behaviour as much as aggression, so it's important not to come over as suspiciously generous or accommodating.
7. If it's a group of NTs, learn how to participate in group talking. I've no idea how that's done.
Well, I said it was difficult.
that does sound hard.. but thanks!
01 Jan 2015, 11:05 am
