How do I not volunteer information when asked?

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Tequila
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28 Feb 2015, 12:40 pm

Tell them to piss off and mind their own business?

Ah, yes, I remember now - you can't really do that.

But, yes, I would suggest having a word with your boss - they may be able to sort something out for you. Harassment is not fun.



Halfmadgenius
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28 Feb 2015, 1:32 pm

You could talk to your boss.
Change the subject.
Or tell them you don't give out your personal information.



ominous
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28 Feb 2015, 5:26 pm

traven wrote:
Haha, I had to go to a place where the man would, if he knew I was coming, put off his pants or let his brag open with his thing out, yach, so I always tried to change hours or take someone with me, but could not always avoid it completely. So, at one time, I said to myself: I'm a grown up woman who's not afraid of seeing a thingy, anyway I can run faster, just staying two armlenghts away will be ok. So there he was without pants, 'Look what I have here', 'Oh you forgot to put on your pants?', 'Gimme a kiss?', 'Next time when you have your pants on!'
And then he never did that again.


Oh dear. I'm glad I don't have your job. You're a brave soul. ;) :D



naturalplastic
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28 Feb 2015, 11:28 pm

One strategy to avoid answering personal questions is to answer those question WITH the question "why do you wanna know?".

But I think that it would not kill your boss if he swapped in someone else to deliver to that particular customer. Talk to the boss about it.



elkclan
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01 Mar 2015, 3:28 am

Explain the situation to your boss. Your employers owe you a duty of care and from what you've said I think this is a risky situation. You should not be delivering to her house.



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01 Mar 2015, 9:34 am

Arcnarenth wrote:
I have a problem with a customer at work and I'm hoping some of you here can see the situation from my perspective as I don't think my coworkers 'get it.'

I run deliveries part-time for a pharmacy and this customer is paranoid schizophrenic and dissociative... and seemingly obsessed with me. She has recently taken to having her deliveries delayed as much as a week to ensure that I am the one that delivers to her. What's worse is the questions she asks me.

On a number of occasions she has asked me if I'm single. She asked for my cell phone number and my personal address. She's figured out my work schedule and now wants to know more about my personal schedule. She even asked me the last time I saw her if she could call me to give her a ride to the store.

I mentioned a few of these things to a coworker who laughed and told me to tell her I'm engaged and even wear a fake ring.

I hate socializing for the most part, dislike dishonesty, and despise confrontation. Plus I'm supposed to act agreeable and friendly as a representative of a business, right?

That would be in relation to the business. It has nothing to do with personal information. Indeed there is probably plenty of business related information which you shouldn't disclose to customers either.
The "act agreeable and friendly as a representative of a business" only applies to things directly related to your job.

Quote:
[My dilemma is how to say "No" to her requests for personal information without betraying these things when what I want to do is either hide from her or tell her to f**k off.

What would you be "betraying" to tell her "no", "that isn't approriate" or "that wouldn't help me do my job".

Quote:
It's also difficult that I empathize with how she's practically agoraphobic with almost everyone else, but (obviously overly) comfortable with me.



michael517
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01 Mar 2015, 10:21 am

Um, maybe she is an Aspie, and when you give Aspie like answers you are turning her on?

I mean the above statement is way out in left field, but there is the possibility.

I like the idea of taking to your boss, and maybe requesting you don't want to deliver to her. But I am going to warn you, the first word out of his mouth, or at least in his brain, after you tell him the story is, and please I am just telling you my experience after 30 years of working with NTs, will be 'fag'. They will only think there is a quickie you are missing.

I dare say, you might want to come up with another story why you don't want to deliver to her other than the truth. Yes, you are going to have to lie, but just look at it from a horny NT's point of view.



ominous
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01 Mar 2015, 6:08 pm

michael517 wrote:
But I am going to warn you, the first word out of his mouth, or at least in his brain, after you tell him the story is, and please I am just telling you my experience after 30 years of working with NTs, will be 'fag'. They will only think there is a quickie you are missing.


That's ridiculous. I'm sorry you have had bad experiences with people who should behave professionally, but that is most certainly not what most professional males are going to think in this situation. :\



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01 Mar 2015, 7:13 pm

I believe what most male supervisors would think nowadays is of the potential liability involved, that the customer could get you in a compromising situation, then try to turn things around and say YOU were harassing HER. Especially if she is mentally ill.



Arcnarenth
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02 Mar 2015, 2:01 pm

Again, thanks to everyone for offering advice here. Thought I'd give a bit of an update on my situation:

I arrived to work on Friday and after clocking in and checking to see what other deliveries I had, two of my coworkers asked while grinning if I was looking forward to my day. I missed their intent, and replied with a hesitant "Not especially." After they asked me if I had my ring ready I got the 'joke.'

At this point I kinda dropped my guard and I think if the two hadn't backed down it would have been a full-on meltdown. I started yelling and listing off my grievances with this customer and how much her behavior creeped me out. One of the coworkers got quiet and said, "Oh, wow. That's not right. That's clearly harassment."

My boss was nearby and overheard the slight outburst and after some discussion decided that I could let another coworker handle the delivery which was fine by me.

After I finished my first round of deliveries I got back to the pharmacy and saw that her meds were still there, undelivered. When I asked about them, it turned out that she called, said she wouldn't be home, and needed them delivered on Saturday instead. I'm the only delivery driver that works Saturdays...

I got to work on Saturday after another sleepless, anxiety ridden night. I left her delivery as my last because if things went bad I didn't want my whole day f'ed up before I'd finished the rest of my work.

I wish I'd known or thought of the line "I'm not comfortable sharing that information" as I think it would have kept things from every progressing to where they are. I went with the intention of using this response if she asked any personal questions. If she presses the issue I would have said how the sharing of such information was not allowed by my job even going so far as telling her I had been reprimanded for telling some of the things I already had. The last bit is a bit of a lie, but not too far from the truth.

I must have dropped the mask I usually wear to each delivery as her first comment to me was a lecture on how I need to smile when I greet a customer :roll:. After I waited for her to scrounge up the money to pay for her meds she asked me if this was my last delivery. I thought the question was innocuous enough so I shared that it was. Her response was unexpected.

She was glad that it was my last delivery because that meant that I could return to her house after work to give her a ride to Walmart to return some things. She even showed me the sack of items she had to return. It was not a request by any means. It was an expectation.

I hadn't anticipated anything like this so I didn't have a mental script to rely on. I think I just said something like, "I can't do that," and gave some excuse about having to babysit my niece immediately after work (Not really a lie either as I was supposed to help my dad watch her).

"What about Sunday?"
"No, I'll still be watching my niece."
"Next week? Remember how I said you're easy to talk to (I'm thinking, "What?!") and a nice person? We both go to church and church people need to help each other out."

Okay, it's my Christian responsibility to give mentally unstable strangers rides in my personal vehicle. Yep, noted. :roll:

I gave some reply about not knowing what my schedule would be like that far into the future and how I couldn't guarantee anything. I'm sure I probably apologized a couple times in there too. My mind was reeling at this point trying to grasp at anything I could say to shut her up and allow me to leave. She finally let up after asking me to check her mailbox.

Back at the pharmacy I let my boss know all that had transpired and he agreed that a line had been crossed. He added a message that would pop up when the pharmacists went to fill any future medication for her that someone other than me was to handle the delivery. He told me something like, "She's several French fries short of a Happy Meal. I think she's harmless, but we're not going to take that chance."

I guess the outcome was positive. I won't have to deal with her any more at work and I at least tried to confront her and stand up for myself.

michael517 wrote:
Um, maybe she is an Aspie, and when you give Aspie like answers you are turning her on?

I literally laughed out loud when reading this, but the thought had occurred to me that she might be on the spectrum herself. She's obviously blind to social boundaries even more so than I am and other Aspies I know. Can't really comment on anything else though.



Raleigh
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02 Mar 2015, 2:33 pm

That whole situation must have been horrible for you. At least things have been resolved now. You can rest assured that if a similar situation ever happens in the future you'll be able to handle it. It's been a real learning curve. You should really thank that crazy woman (from a distance).


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dianthus
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02 Mar 2015, 7:12 pm

Arcnarenth wrote:
I'm the only delivery driver that works Saturdays...


She probably had that figured out!

Sheesh, the things people expect and assume of others. I have trouble going to certain places on my job because sometimes panhandlers are hanging around. And they're not homeless or destitute...they just want money to buy lottery tickets. :roll:

Quote:
I guess the outcome was positive. I won't have to deal with her any more at work and I at least tried to confront her and stand up for myself.


Yeah, good outcome, especially that your boss and co-workers now understand what you've been putting up with. I'm relieved on your behalf. lol I have been through similar situations.



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03 Mar 2015, 2:42 pm

Arcnarenth wrote:
I hadn't anticipated anything like this so I didn't have a mental script to rely on. I think I just said something like, "I can't do that," and gave some excuse about having to babysit my niece immediately after work (Not really a lie either as I was supposed to help my dad watch her).


I find this thread a bit painful to read because I have this problem, too. And it seems like some people can somehow detect it and seek to take advantage of it.

It bothers me to read that you had to make an "excuse" for exercising a right. It wouldn't bother me if I didn't understand exactly what that feels like.

I think having the stock phrases "That isn't an appropriate subject" for questions and "That would not be appropriate" for requests for action is helpful. Use one and disengage. Don't say anything else. If you feel like you are under huge pressure to say something else, let it be, "That's all I can say" and then get out of the situation physically.

I am glad it worked out and hoped it gets better and stays that way.



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03 Mar 2015, 6:43 pm

I am glad that this worked out for you. I also have a problem not answering questions. I feel really uncomfortable and "rude" even if it is the other person who is being rude and intrusive!

I am trying to think of what I would say in a similar situation. I might say something like, "It would not be professional for me to give out personal information to a customer," or something along those lines.

PS - I laughed out loud at the list of questions and answers someone else posted, especially the one about the person having to get their own phone number! :D



Prof_Pretorius
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03 Mar 2015, 8:04 pm

You never said if she's good looking. ???


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Arcnarenth
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04 Mar 2015, 2:46 pm

Prof_Pretorius wrote:
You never said if she's good looking. ???

Heh, I wouldn't describe her as such. Physical attractiveness is, of course, highly subjective, but I doubt she would be considered "good looking" by very many people.

Bad teeth with an awkward smile that seems to overly exaggerate that fact. I'm about 5'10" and somewhat overweight. She's quite a bit shorter with a comparable build. She has a bit of acne and doesn't seem to wear makeup to hide that. Anyway, that's a bit to help you make your own judgement. :?