Are you "mean" by nature?

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I agree, saying everything that comes into my head the moment it does so has got me into a lot of trouble.

Sometimes it's things that need saying, like whistle-blowing when there's corruption, but institutions are often too well-defended, and may punish people who try to speak out against their dishonesty.

Socially, because it's so common to play down people's negatives and focus on their positives, most people's guard is down (in that respect) in social situations, and anybody being too objective is likely to hurt them and come over as hostile. People can be very touchy about criticism and about not receiving those little reassurances. It's unhealthy to be gagged, it's important to criticise, but it's only likely to work if the criticism is made at the right time in the right way, in terms of the emotional state of the other person. Otherwise, what seems like us to be simply freeing the truth will come over all wrong, so in a way it's not the truth. If I knew that somebody would hear the words "you did that wrong" as "I don't like you" rather than "I want to help," then I wouldn't see it as the truth (emotionally) to say "you did that wrong." It would still be the truth literally of course.

Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy! I hope everything goes well.

Secondly, it seems to me that you have been locking up a lot of frustration. Based on your history of miscarriage I would say this has not done you any good. I urge you, for the sake of your unborn child, to let loose! C'mon, repeat it: LET. LOOSE!! If you feel angry, yell. If you feel like screaming, scream! Don't lock it up inside or stuff it down with food or whatever, because that will only harm you. And then everyone around you will be harmed by you not realising your full potential because you're so stressed from trying hard not to bother them!

Being 'nice' made my life more miserable than anything else. I lost jobs by being nice while people trampled all over me. Ironically, letting loose actually led to my biggest breakthroughs; in one instance, when I totally lost it, the honesty led to someone creating a job for me.

We women are socially engineered to not get angry. Words like "harridan", "fish wife", "croan" etc have helped create a patriarchal society where women were heavily brain-washed to act a certain way. A bad-tempered woman is always called by another name (like 'b*tch') but a bad-tempered man is just that, a bad-tempered man. By contrast, a lot of Asian cultures don't have this sort of distinction between the sexes and aggressiveness is seen in a much more neutral light.

I am fed up with people's intolerance of what I see as righteous anger on the part of a person with a social disability who is honestly trying to navigate their way through a confusing world. As a consequence, I've given up apologising for my little tantrums when they arise, especially as I give fair warning and those people who persist in pushing my buttons are asking for it, as I certainly don't go around seeking trouble and like to keep to myself and mind my own business. It takes too much energy to keep playing a role and I'd rather spend that energy trying to make the world more Aspie-friendly.

With regard to losing your words when you're emotional, this happens to me too. I think your idea of removing yourself from the situation is a good one. You could also insist that if someone wants to communicate with you and they're not on good terms with you, you will only be contactable via text message, email or memo. It would give you the time you need to get your thoughts out more clearly.

On a side note, the area of verbal communication is one researchers are always making new discoveries in. They've found, for example, that sugar can negatively affect the verbal part of the brain, making it harder to express oneself in words. So a change in diet could be beneficial as well as lowering stress levels in general.

Me too.

When I'm upset with someone, I can be very snappy and kind of mean. I usually stop myself before I go too far. But it makes me feel bad, especially because I'm very sensitive to other people being upset with me and I don't want to be a hypocrite.

Lol "tact" and "diplomacy" are just two phrases invented by those in society that I described. Those who don't want to really face something so they "beat around the bush" in order to only hint at the meaning rather than outright say it.

I don't believe in sugar coating anything, to me, that's just another form of kissing @ss in a public way while posturing and going easy on people when they're in the wrong. It's that type of interaction that has degraded society to where it is now; a hole of people who are so afraid to offend someone that they either don't talk about what needs to be talked about, or they kiss @ss and pretend everything's fine.

If people can't handle what I say to them, that's not my problem, it's theirs, and they'll have to get over it instead of having the sensitivity of a 4 year old. It's not my job to hold peoples' hands and coddle them through life, if they want to be babied, they can go live with mommy and daddy, but if they want to live in the real world, where adults actually communicate, then they're going be told how it is, whether they like it or not, that's life.

Seriously, dude. I had a miscarriage, like 12 hours after writing that post, right on schedule. I am 37 and have had only miscarriages. So--no congratulations. They are triggers for me. (Please, no sympathy. Even worse of a trigger.) I just mentioned the pregnancy to explain why I wrote the post: I was bitchier than usual due to an unexpected hormonal swing.

I am positive you are a delightful, wonderful person, but I have health issues and I am not going to explain more details here. (No, they are not stress related.)

Good case study on perceived "meanness." Nothing bad was intended, and I understand it was just someone expressing what they think so I know there is no "meanness" here. I feel bad now, but that's on me really. If I didn't want to risk someone triggering me, I should not have said anything about the subject at all. (Not being passive aggressive, either. Just stating a fact.)