Unbearable bickering of autistic and non-autistic siblings

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Siblings always fight. My mom tried to sue her brother once and he broke into her house.

My two kids are much younger than yours I think. I've got a six year old boy with ASD and a two year old NT girl.
We're working to try and encourage him to be a nice big brother to her, because his instinct is to dominate, hurt, snatch everything from her and shout in her face when he is upset by her,Which is a lot of the time.
What we do is to catch a moment when they are playing nice together and praise praise praise. I also made a photographic social story of them playing together. I know he has serious sensitivities to sound and having people in his space, and I try and explain this to my daughter, and she is infact very caring of him already.
Our ABA guy works with them as a pair, and whoops them up every time they are cool together and points out all the cool stuff each of them is doing.

It's really hard, but I just feel I've got to get them to live harmoniously. And it's good practise for tolerating being around others when they're older.

I don't know if that's at all helpful....I do understand your concerns.

Do your kids have a time to decompress from the school day after coming home, separate from one another?

Your son is coming home with his nerves frayed and needs some time for them to get put back together, at least a little bit. Going to his room (can you let him eat his snack in there?) and doing whatever soothes/calms him for a while might help. Instead of being sent to him being a punishment, it can be a method of self-care.

Both kids also need to learn proper outlets of frustration. When my son was around 11-13, he was starting to have problems with getting extremely angry. I said, "You can be angry, and I understand why you are, but you cannot express it that way." I told him to go to his room and punch the pillow.

My kids have a lot of conflict, but it has gotten better. Most of the time, it is each of them bothering the other in some way and we end up saying to one, "Don't do this" and to the other, "Don't do that." In private, both my kids have expressed to me things that other is doing that particularly bother them repeatedly, and in private we have talked to the offender in question.

What about physical activity to blow off steam or frustration? Do your kids get enough free play time outside? What about seeing friends?

Another thing that is *VERY* helpful is requiring them to do a project together. For example, my kids many times have to move the wood to the woodshed and stack it. Or cleaning the car. Or some other "big" project, doable by kids, but needing two sets of hands. Sometimes, they help with something the whole family is doing (like raking leaves or weeding the garden.) Joint projects require them to be on the SAME TEAM, which boosts morale and good feelings toward each other. We always offer some kind of incentive for doing the work, too. Usually it is something simple, like getting a slushy at the local convenience store. If it is a very urgent, very big project, we give them money.

It is also important that each of them be doing something that makes them shine and get heaps of encouragement and praise. My son has always been very demanding, and he's the oldest. We have to work hard to ensure that our daughter gets the attention and spotlight that she needs. Part of the way we have done this is to help her find what she is good at and give her ample opportunity to do those things. Even though our son is so demanding, we have to make sure that his demands do not interfere/overshadow her success. Sometimes it is easier than at other times. It is something we have to remain vigilant about.

I've read so many stories on my teen forums from kids dealing with sibling rivalry. Don't think one having autism is that much of a factor. I share a room with my NT cousin (male 14) and when we fight or whatever, it rarely has much or anything to do with me having autism.

I always thought siblings fighting is normal. Kids who are close in age and not fight is odd. Other people gave lots of good suggestions already so I don't have much to add. It just jumped out to me that you guys don't treat the kids the same way? I really don't think kids on the spectrum should get special rights over NT kids. How can they learn to treat others equally and with respect? You son need to be sensitive to his sister's feelings and needs as well.

Of course I might be reading this wrong. If that's not the case ignore the above comments. It's just my own dad got away with so much "special rights" and neglected my mom most of the time, because he's sickly and "special" and she's strong and giving . Their relationship has always been full of arguments and fights because of this.

I disagree that siblings fighting should be accepted as inevitable. There is bickering, arguing, but fighting can be outright aggression and dangerously violent. I don't think we should just expect siblings not to get along. I think there is a lot we can do to help, teaching kids about compassion and gentleness and modelling positive interactions.
For us, my kids Dad comes from a culture where meanness and being unkind to others is never OK. But he's Tibetan, and they do kind of set the global standard for kindness.