An Autistics guide to going to a wedding

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First of all you must bring your good mood and gift for newlyweds
Be calm, don't be nervous and be happy for your cousin. I also advice you to visit web site with huge number of tips and more usefull sfuff.
I wish you to have fun on wedding!

I think that's a good compromise. Weddings as such are usually reasonably quiet and predictable, but the parties they have afterwards often aren't. I avoid parties completely (except ones I know will be small and quiet). The noise and overcrowding freaks me out, and I don't seem able to use whatever social skills are necessary to keep me from getting completely ignored, so I limit my social life to one-on-one or small groups. I think it's up to others to accept my preference in this matter or push off and leave me alone. The morality of following a wedding with something approaching a rave is rather questionable anyway, and I don't go around putting pressure on people to stop doing that, so I think the least they can do is to accept my decision.

Just be very quiet during the ceremony. You don't want to distract attention away from the bride & groom.

At the reception, it's just like any other party. Chat with relatives/friends, have something to eat/drink, avoid the dance floor lol.

Personally, I prefer to smoke a bit of weed before attending a large gathering. Makes the whole thing a lot more bearable. I also like to have a drink or two or three while there, too. If these things are part of your life & options to you, perhaps consider them.

I suppose there are other ways to keep yourself calm and not anxious, too. ie meditation - definitely beneficial to keeping a clear mind.

I don't find anything exciting about watching someone getting married. Uh-um, getting their sex license. The only thing I can say to anyone on the spectrum, going to a wedding, is to just sit in the back and not draw attention to yourself, and just be noticeable enough to let the person(s) that invited you to the event, know that you attended.

EAR PLUGS! The music will likely be louder than humanly imaginable.

Comfortable shoes to be worn at the reception.

A sweater for the reception. They keep the room cold because men have suits on, making all of the women in summer dresses uncomfortably cool.

A granola bar or similar, in case dinner is delayed. As well as your water bottle for the same reason.

Careful with the drinking alcohol, as you'll have to deal with relatives and/or friends the next day.

Be prepared to wait in line to greet the people getting married, and their immediate family. You're expected to say congratulations, let them know how beautiful you think the wedding is, and kiss them. You can wait in line as much as 30 minutes to do this ritual. Its weird, but its tradition.

I REALLY suggest dancing, even if you look like an idiot. It makes the difference between being miserable and having fun. I really do like the dancing at weddings. Its just family. You don't need to look cool around them. DANCE!

There are a few times when you are expected not to dance. You'll notice that the floor clears. Follow along.

An idea, if you are worried about being bored: You could bring some activity for the kids that you would enjoy doing with them. For example, you could bring fancy temporary tatoos. This will give you something to do while everyone is sitting around drinking and being bored.

Earplugs and sunglasses. Also have someone you know with you at all times for reassurance and comfort.

I personally refuse to go to weddings. Last time I was made to go, I turned up in messy very casual clothes on purpose - so I was be refused entry, which was my purpose.

Weddings can be overstimulating but some are very visually interesting (all the lights and fun hanging things to look at). As has been mentioned, dressing comfortably is important. Get a good night's sleep beforehand and otherwise do what you can to reduce your stress before the event so that you can be at your best. If you know out what kind of venue/formality (informal/outdoors/church etc.) it is you will have some idea of what is appropriate to wear. You can find lots of guides for this and so if you read up on etiquette you should find yourself well-prepared.

The married couple will be at the center of attention so if you need to slip away to give yourself a break it shouldn't be a problem. (Being the bride is much worse, you pretty much just get mauled by the guests during the reception--I sort of just disconnected and went emotionally numb until it was all over. Now I think I want a re-do wedding that is small more meaningful-- just my husband and I.)

I had to excuse myself from the reception part of a wedding because I had forgotten to take my anti-depressants and the withdrawal symptoms were making it hard to walk. If you are taking medication make sure that in the stress of the wedding you still remember to take it. You might also consider taking along a favorite stimmy toy in a handbag to de-stress with during breaks.

There are a lot of different kinds of weddings. You can see different customs mentioned just in this thread.

Anthropologically, weddings are very interesting - you can learn a lot about someone's social group and cultural attitudes at a wedding, and careful observers will note the attendees often have very different traditions. Like the person who comes to a conservative evangelical wedding and asks where the alcohol is.

Keep in mind that I think the OP is underage. I agree with skipping the reception or maybe only staying for an hour or so. I also agree with having someone with you, even if just to help you with putting names to faces. Hanging out outside the doors like with the smokers or something might be a nice way to spend the time too. I haven't been to a weeding since 2008 and have made it clear that I don't plan on going to anymore. I now generally try to avoid putting myself in positions to feel stupid and board.

-don't go

Think it's safe to say that the wedding has happened now :p but ofc this thread could be useful for other people, so keep the generalised advice coming.

Yup here's how it went http://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=279217&hilit=+My+cousins+wedding

And I agree.

The last wedding I went to, the DJ at one point was like "okay, all the couples onto the dance floor". I was literally the only single person there, aside from some family of the groom who were dancing together. I went and hid in my car. Not my finest moment.

Weddings are fine, it's the reception that is difficult. My goal is always just to avoid bringing everyone else down. I ended up hiding and playing on my phone for most of the reception at the last wedding because I didn't want to just sit there obviously not having a good time, and I didn't have it in me to pretend I was enjoying myself. I didn't want the bride and groom to have pictures of everyone on the dance floor, and me sitting there by myself in the background amidst a sea of empty tables.

If you can attend the ceremony but leave the reception early, that's ideal I think.

Yesterday I had to escape from my cousins wedding reception.

I was not feeling my best since the very morning.
I prepared clothes the day before but I still found them uncomfortable and changed a few times before leaving house - it made me eat my breakfast really fast, while thinking "Not enough time. Not enough time. I'm too slow. Parents will be angry with me for not preparing everything yesterday and not waking up early enough...". I honestly hate wedding shoes - they are not my style at all: the shapes, textures and colors were bothering me but I couldn't use any of my regular clothes because I usually wear jeans and red sweaters/tank tops.

I ended up changing a few times in the car too because it was too hot for what I ended up wearing, especially with the 1,5h ride to church in summer day. Not to mention uncomfortable shoes - none of my two comfortable pairs of shoes fit with wedding appreciate clothing so I had to wear uncomfortable ones.

Then I got cold in church and had to go out due to sensory overload (cold+loud sounds). I spent the whole mass outside church. The weather changed during that time so I was getting more and more cold and I had to fight the feeling by stimming with my stim toy I took with me.
After the mass I realized I am painfully hungry, in addition to being cold and overloaded. But I still had to wait for my parents to say the wishes to newlyweds. They tried to force me to go with them but I really didn't want to interact in my current state so I strongly refused.

Then 1,5h ride to the reception.

The main hall had white color all over the place (I hate white) and the anteroom smelled cigarettes. The music was way too loud. I had to cover my ears and I couldn't let go till I got to a table in the farthest corner from the amplifiers (which were right next to the room entrance - the only escape route).

I tried to put my earplugs in but I was already overloaded so the feeling of something in my ears was painful - I ended up taking them out as soon as I put them in. Fortunately the music stopped for dinner time so I didn't have to bother about the sounds so much for a while - I could stand conversations noise - yet.

I calmed down during the dinner time and even figured the wedding might not be that bad as long as I stay in my corner.

But then a loud voice said "Everyone go on the dancing floor and for a circle around newlyweds". I looked around. Some people were standing up, some were sitting. There was still a chance I won't have to go there. "Everyone go on the dancing floor and for a circle around newlyweds. C'mon, don't be lazy!" - the voice repeated and literally everyone in the hall stood up and went to the dancing floor. I didn't want to stand out in the white area all by myself so I ended up going with them. It was a mistake.

We formed a circle and the voice said to hold the hands of people next to us. I had a cousin on my left and dad on my right so while the touch was uncomfortable I could stand it.

Then the music started. LOUD. TOO LOUD. I wanted to hold my ears but I couldn't because my hands were stuck. I tried to force myself to survive. I was just a few meters from the corner where I was sitting in so the music wasn't that loud yet - but the human circle started moving... around the hall. I seen what is coming. I only had about a half of min till the point of circle I was in were to move next to the amplifiers and I was painfully aware I won't be able to stand it. I had to plan an escape route.

In the amplifiers area only my plan kept me sane: "Just 2 more steps and I run". As soon as I got near the room entrance I put my dad and cousin hands together and - hopefully discretely - run away to the anteroom. I sat on a sofa there, covering my ears but soon I realized my hands are not enough to cover the noise and the sofa itself is shaking from the music waves.

I had my noise canceling headphones in my bag but it was in the opposite corner of main hall. I tried to get there but as I realized a bunch of people dancing on the dancing floor and cameraman wandering around them I gave up on my plan of running to my corner with ears covered. I didn't want to be caught by a camera like this.

I hide in a restroom then - I could stand the noise there without ears covered although I had to cover them everytime someone was opening the door and I coudl feel the wall and floor shaking of the music. I tried to ask random people visiting the restroom if they can ask the band to turn the amplifiers down a bit but everyone was telling me they cannot do it because the sound is so loud because the hall is too small, not because the amplifiers are too loud.

BS if you ask me. I know nothing about amplifiers but they should have some regulation and their minimal loudness shouldn't be loud enough to make the whole building shake in rhythm of music!

I spent in the restroom all the dancing time and managed to go out and get my noise canceling headphones during the wedding cake time. But the noise level in the main hall was way worse than the one at the start of the party. I am not sure if it was because of my overload or all other people got deaf from the loud music but noone was talking anymore - they were yelling at each other! Even noise canceling headphones weren't helping much and I was afraid they might do even less job if the music starts again.

In the end I had to ask my parents for a ride and go home early (we live just 10 minutes ride from the dancing hall). They dropped me home and returned to the wedding by themselves. I couldn't focus on anything at home and fall asleep 4h earlier than my usual sleep time because I was so tired.

The cousin wedding was a total disaster to me.
I asked my parents today (they returned home in middle of night) if they had time and they said the music was a bit loud but they got used to it. So apparently noone did anything to the noise for the whole night. Good thing I left early.

Maybe my story lets someone prepare for wedding dangers beforehand. Pay attention to: comfortable clothes, not feeling too cold or too warm, making sure you have a clear route from and to the place your stuffs are and if you really don't want to do something (like going to the dancing floor to form a circle) don't do it just because everyone else does.

Oh, crikey! That anecdote should go up in lights somewhere as a warning to any ASDer who is wondering whether to go to a wedding reception. I know they're not all as bad as that, but how can anybody know in advance?

I suppose in hindsight, a possible solution might have been to quickly and discreetly leave the room, on the bogus pretext of an unexpected "call of nature."

Unless you are a family member, it isn't necessary to stay for the duration. The wedding itself is brief (about 20 minutes) and is usually limited to family and a few close friends. Your invitation should have a separate card which states that you are invite to the wedding ceremony about an hour before the reception. If you didn't receive this card, you aren't expected to attend. The reception is where most guests are invited. If you race through placing a gift at the gifts table, grabbing some snacks and eating them while watching everyone pose for photographs and listening to the music, or mingle with people you might know, you can be back in your car in under an hour. In fact, guests who are coworkers, or friends from college or high school, can usually bug out sooner than that.

In other words, most people just play it by ear and leave when they want to do so. Of course, if you are planning to see the wedding couple through the bouquet, toss some rice and leave in the limo, you might be there for the long haul -- about three hours. In that case, plan ahead as others have mentioned.