do you ever feel that people think your a fraud?

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Joined: 9 Mar 2007
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22 Mar 2007, 6:17 pm

Yes, but not about AS. It's really a standard low self-esteem thing (yeah - even me, vain thing that I am). I'm always feeling like whatever praise that I get is entirely undeserved. And it makes sense. I come up with ideas, and sketch them out, and someone else thinks that I said something really clever - but it's not really what I meant. Always makes me feel stupid, when I try and explain what I did mean too.

SteveK
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22 Mar 2007, 6:28 pm

SeriousGirl wrote:

No, I feel like I am a fraud. I never explain things to people, just act as normal as possible. Explaining yourself should be reserved for a "best" friend or lover. After studying people for 30 plus years, I have concluded that most NTs don't want to know. When someone says, "How are you?" They expect you to say "Fine, and you?" It has as much meaning as two strange dogs sniffing arses.

You are certainly right there. One "social interaction teacher" told a class I was in that this was "CODE"! It meant NOTHING! HECK, Most don't even wait for an answer!

Don't feel like you are a fraud. You're just trying to make others feel more comfortable. I just wish I never started doing that.

SeriousGirl wrote:

You feel like you are not gaining acceptance because people don't understand you, but the reality is you are not conforming. It is hard to see this when you are young and wanting acceptance is common to all young people. But we are genetically programmed as the most basic level to identify with a group and adopt the group's behavior. If you try to circumvent the natural course of human interaction, you will inevitably get screwed. It has happened to me thousands of times in 50 years of life until I finally figured this out.

Yeah, it is a shame how this works.

SeriousGirl wrote:

It is a hard lesson for young apsies, but it is important to know. Even when you think you have "acceptance," what you are likely seeing is hypocrisy, lip service, condescension. When Jane Goodall studied chimpanzees, she witnessed a devastating polio epidemic that killed and maimed many members of the troupe. One of the most respected members survived polio leaving a pronounced limp and he tried to return to the society and they tried to kill him. Goodall stepped in and prevented that, but he was forever ostracized from his troupe because he was fundamentally different. We share 98.5% of our DNA with chimps. We have large cerebral cortexes and the greatest thinkers among us have tried to propagate acceptance and inclusion and to make that the group norm. But that xenophobic genetic programming remains that anyone who is not like us is the enemy. We try to explain wars for many different reasons, but it all boils down to a "them" and an "us."

Many people don't even understand the meaning of respect! Respect is affording something honor and acting accordingly because of the position, affection, or integrity. SOME view fear and respect as the same which is just WRONG!

If a weakling I respect falls in a hole, I may risk my life to save him/her. If someone I feared fell in the same hole, I may help to bury that person. (OK, not really, but you get my point) Maybe the respect for those chimps was fear.

SeriousGirl wrote:

I don't mean to sound harsh, but the world is harsh. And I have empathy for you. Really, I do. This is the only group that I've ever felt empathy for. It is SO amazing.

Now THAT kind of thing is GOOD, and leaves room for hope!

crazedchef
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22 Mar 2007, 6:43 pm

Noetic wrote:

Not really, but I felt like a fraud in school because I had so little comprehension of a lot of the material. I could repeat it and get decent grades most of the time, but I couldn't explain anything and didn't really understand any of it. Plus I had a hard time accessing anything I'd learned unless I constantly revised.

Is this an AS trait?

I have no problem learning as long as I keep going, but without constant repetition, things and ideas fade quickly, very quickly! I have been all of the way to Calculis three times in my life, but I cannot do simple Algebra problems now.

crazedchef

SteveK
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22 Mar 2007, 6:55 pm

crazedchef wrote:

Noetic wrote:

Some claim it is, but frankly I don't believe it. It doesn't describe me, or many here. As for needing repetition, there have been LOTS of studies done! Most recommend studying at LEAST until you can remember it for 10 minutes, studying at ten minutes, after a day, and after a week. That is for EVERYONE, not just Aspies. Some aspies can almost BLINK and learn.

Steve

Fraz_2006
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22 Mar 2007, 6:58 pm

I hate it when people say "I know how you feel"

I cant stand it, how do they know how i feel? They arent me.

Stupid things like that get me really annoyed.

crazedchef
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22 Mar 2007, 9:41 pm

:lol:

SteveK wrote:

crazedchef wrote:

Noetic wrote:

Thank you for your answer. I wish I could BLINK and know!

I have a very broad knowlege of a lot of things, but expertise in none.

Jack of all trades kinda.

I forgot what we were talking about :lol:

crazedchef

crazedchef
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22 Mar 2007, 9:42 pm

Fraz_2006 wrote:

I hate it when people say "I know how you feel"

I cant stand it, how do they know how i feel? They arent me.

Stupid things like that get me really annoyed.

I know what you mean! :lol:

RaoulDuke
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22 Mar 2007, 10:36 pm

I've conceded that absolutely no one will ever understand what it's like to be me, so I don't try to. I just put on the mask they expect me to and coast through life however I can. Not even my best friend (NT) can begin to understand what it's like to have AS, or to have to be in total control of your faculties at all times to avoid being a walking social fiasco. Whenever I try to explain, he goes into NT mode and says "Oh yeah? That sucks." I hate how NTs only deal with things on the surface no matter how close you get to them, and if you ever try to dig deeper, it only causes problems. People always wonder why I can't form relationships with NTs that well, and I can only think it's because NTs won't allow anyone to really dig into them, or to expose themselves to them. They only want sunshine and rainbows, and life isn't like that. Funny how they're always the first ones to tell me that.

Unfortunately, my rant is carrying the same "Us vs. Them" theme I detest about them. I can't tell if it's my human instinct or just anger at being batted aside whenever I tried to be something more than just a passing, deceiving face. To me, it's insane. All the pleasantries make me sick, as well. Whenever someone tells me to smile (I usually have a blank look on my face when I'm not feeling any emotion, which I assumed was normal), I say "I don't smile when I don't have a reason to," and they interpret that as me saying "I'm depressed" when really I mean "I'm not going to pose as happy when I'm really not feeling anything at all." It seems to really throw them for a loop.

Rant over.

Nightcry
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23 Mar 2007, 1:16 am

It's why I could only half tell my friend about it. I said one sentence and couldn't go from there.

She thinks I'm a freak of nature but she'd STILL never beleive when I told her. What is it with these people that they think it's like impossible for it to happen to someone THEY know...?

Nightcry
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23 Mar 2007, 1:25 am

crazedchef wrote:

:lol:

SteveK wrote:

crazedchef wrote:

Noetic wrote:

crazedchef

I'm one of the ones that bilnks and learns. And it never goes away. (Well... At least only after YEARs of not returning to anything close to the topic...)

Makes studying for tests unnecessary and gives you consistant, almost perfect scores on tests.

Noetic
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23 Mar 2007, 1:29 am

crazedchef wrote:

I'm not sure. I have heard it mentioned in connection with autism before (which might explain the need for repetition) for things learned in this kind of context (it's different for other types of memories). I've also read about it in the context of problems with communication between the two hemispheres of the brain, which affects the ability to consciously recall information.

I hardly remember anything I learned from school, and yet with other things I taught myself in early childhood, or books I read, while I can't recall it spontaneously as soon as something triggers it off I can recall lots of bits connected with say a picture book I had etc. But I can't even remember most of the plot of a film the next day, not without prompts anyway.

Noetic
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23 Mar 2007, 1:33 am

SteveK wrote:

Surely that depends on what something is? I also don't mean repetition as in revising a couple of times, more that I have to learn a subject from scratch many times over (the same goes for performing tasks and chores) before it stays in memory permanently. I can rote-learn very quickly but as soon as it's stowed away in the recesses of my memory I have trouble accessing the information unless prompted.

SamuraiSaxen
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23 Mar 2007, 1:58 am

My last english teacher told me I needed to grow up and it was only a phase.

He told me it was adolescence! And I was an adult!

SteveK
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23 Mar 2007, 7:03 am

Noetic wrote:

SteveK wrote:

EVERYONE is that way! You can almost learn in the blink of an eye.(Look) It takes more work for YOU to realize you know something.(One Rep) That could be a glance. It takes MORE to realize you might have learned. That takes some repeating or thought(3 reps)(even if subconcious). You may soon "forget" that, but a prompt will help to recover it. More thought will make it so YOU can prompt yourself(Usage after a day or so), and more makes it second nature!(500 uses!)

The numbers are from some other sources. You may get different milage, I do! But they were NOT directed towards autistics.

Steve

markaudette
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23 Mar 2007, 9:57 am

You know, I just don't even bother trying to tell people what I go through. The truth is, no one cares. The whole entire world only cares about what THEY'RE going through. Not what you're going through.

I have to admit that I'm a fraud. Straight up, a lying, decieving fraud. On the inside, I'm me. Trapped inside. But on the outside, hell, EVERYTHING'S perfect, I'm just fine and I'm running a million miles an hour just to keep up and appear normal to the rest of the world. But on the inside, I'm a tired old Aspie forever trying to fit into the NT world.

None of us are ever going to win a medal for the amount of effort we all here give in just trying to appear normal. But at least you know I appreciate your efforts. I know some of what you're going through...

SeriousGirl
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23 Mar 2007, 11:59 am

Fraz_2006 wrote:

I hate it when people say "I know how you feel"

I cant stand it, how do they know how i feel? They arent me.

Stupid things like that get me really annoyed.

More social blather that doesn't really mean what you think. Eventually, it just gets boring, like having to do a secret handshake every time you meet someone. "I know how you feel" means you're still acceptable. Just say something like, "Thanks for your support," or something along those lines. Give them a little smile and get past it. You can change the topic after you have made the acknowledgement of their "empathy." Since you weren't born with the decoder ring, you have to find a cheat sheet. Don't take it personally. It is just the way people are.

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