I just wanna be normal

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@anthropic_principle reading your previous comments, you said you wanted sex and girlfriends... You don't really... more hassle than it's worth, can't let that s**t rule your life. On to your other comment, I hope you cope well dude. Life gets tough, just gotta keep on keeping on.

I want to at least find that out for myself.. I'm sure u must understand. I feel like I've missed out on a lot.
I can't see anything else putting meaning into my life.
I just find no solo activities interesting or fulfilling anymore.

Yeah I understand. I wish I had more advice but unfortunately I got nothing. Luckily you seem to be in the right place to vent frustrations etc.

I just don't like being associated with Autism. Even though I will receive a lot of annoying disapproval from a lot of WP posters by saying this, but I do like to consider myself ''normal''. It just makes me feel better, especially when I can think of all the ASD/ADHD traits I DON'T have.

I suppose I should think myself lucky I am high-functioning and able to pick up on non-verbal social cues typically. But I don't like the idea of being quirky and displaying odd behaviour. But I can't help it. If I stopped being quirky (which I can do if I put my mind to it), I would feel really dull and boring and my family, friends and partner will start thinking I am coming down with a flu or something worse. It's no good trying to be something you're not. I'll probably just mess up anyway, and make a fool of myself even more than I do just being my usual, quirky self.

But meeting new people and finding jobs is the thing that makes me most anxious and ashamed of how I am. I'd like to just walk into a job interview, not give off awkward vibes what might make the employers think I'm not who I seem, and be able to say and prove that I have good communication skills, and not be too limited to what jobs I can and can't do due to being socially awkward and too scared of the public. I also hate being in that trap where I have to lie and say ''no, I don't have any disabilities'' when they ask at the interview, because of knowing that I will be turned down for sure if I say ''yes, I have an ASD'', or even if I just say ''well, I do have a bit of social anxiety I'd like you to be aware of''. People seem to be insensitive to those with any mild disabilities, whether it's a brain disorder or something physical like back problems, and turn them down from jobs, even if the job doesn't affect their condition.

So, due to my high stress levels and my social anxiety, I have to stick with jobs that don't involve dealing with the public, or don't involve too much pressure and expectations. There are jobs out there that aren't too demanding, but it's looking for the right ones, and that can be harder than you think.

So yeah, I could do without all this. I suppose having an ASD would be OK for me if I was a millionaire and didn't have to find work and be forced to do things I don't want to do. But I'm not a millionaire. I'm a lower-class citizen, and in the government's point of view, I am NT and not illegible to claim any disability benefits, just because I have normal mobility, can make my own decisions and can talk.

People ask you that in job interviews? Isn't that illegal where you are?

I felt that way when I was a kid.

BTW were you able to succeed writing right handed? What was it like when you did it?

@Joe90 I now exactly what you mean, I feel the same. Finding a job is tough but meeting people and socialising is the real chore. Feel like a f*ckin' outcast because of how I am eg. I can make a joke that 5 other people have made and laughed at, and somehow people take offence or take it as insults. Kinda forced me into seclusion and I don't really like socialising with people that aren't my close friends. I'm also rather hostile because from my experience people, in general, are bastards.
@starkid asking about disabilities in interviews isn't illegal in the U.K. but you get a 'vibe' that they have a diffirent perception of you because of it.

There was a breif period when I was proud of being on the spectrum. That was a long time ago. All you optimists can say "there is nothing wrong with it" but in reality it is a hinderance. I mean there isn't a single aspect of life it doesn't affect.

I have seen that question "Do you have a disability" often asked on employment applications

Ugh I hate that question. If I lie and say no, then they wouldn't be obligated to accommodate me if I need it and the ADA may not apply, if I wrote yes, then they can just discriminate against me by tossing it in the trash or shredder.

But if the question is "Do you have a disability that may affect your work" and I can easily answer no because I am tough and I can do the work and not let anything stop me.

No matter how you look at it though, the whole thing is *extremely* situational. Alot of people tend to say "there's nothing wrong with it" because, to them, it's not causing so much trouble. For me, it.... doesnt really cause any problems aside from making it hard to find new friends if I should want to, and as I typically dont give a flying fart about this, well... yeah. I go with the "not a problem" idea. I dont really care about the rest of the effects. Well, I *could* do without the part that makes me all spacey all the time, but there's enough benefits to make up for it, so.... whatever.

And I of all people could *never* be called an "optimist" about... anything at all. It's never optimism speaking if I say things like that.

This.

In the US the Americans with Disability Act (ADA) prohibits questions about disability before a job offer is made, but I've been in numerous situations were they ask it anyways. It's your word against the potential employer's, if you do file a complaint, well, good luck landing said job. I've also been asked about relationship status, hospitalization, and religion-- all illegal, but again it's your word against theirs and your chances of landing the job plummet to 0 if you complain.

Employer: "Do you have any disabilities?"
Interviewee: "I'm a sociopath that enjoys using people and treating them like garbage. My ego is so immense it sucks the life out of any room I enter."
Employer: "Oh that's not a disability, that's actually what we're looking for. When can you start?"

This is why I think that it's a good idea to go into interviews with a concealed recorder on one's person.

That's illegal in about half the states. Most states require both parties consent to be recorded, the others make no such distinction. I live in a state where both parties have to agree to be recorded so I'm screwed on that front. There are cases of recorded police brutality that can't be admitted in court, only the court of public opinion, because the officer didn't consent to being recorded-- another reason I'm all for mandatory body cams.

Me too. I am "normal for me". Acceptance works better for me than wishing I was something or someone else; that's a form of envy, which is understandable, but we all have something to be envied for (yes we do) and it's a drain on energy to make negative comparisons that just beat yourself up for being who you are.

No way to win in that situation. If you say no I do not have a disability and a the situation changes to impossibly autistic unfriendly and you decide then to bring it up you have admitted to lying on your application, which is grounds for immediate dismissal no matter what the context.