Intelligence as the great equalizer

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starkid
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07 Jun 2015, 1:13 pm

screen_name wrote:

I *do* think it makes for better experiences to assume intelligence rather than assuming otherwise.

Maybe in some circumstances. I've tried many times to operate on the assumption that people are sharp in a certain way, only to end up disappointed, talking past them, and embroiled in ridiculous misunderstandings.

On the other hand, all of those experiences or mini-experiments were probably muddied by wildly different motivations. I tend to focus on the academic or intellectual component and I think that most people focus on the social component to the detriment of the former. While I'm looking at the interaction for signs of whether or not they understand some concept, they are looking for signs of whether I like/dislike them, am "judging" them, putting them down, being friendly, flirting, etc., and responding to whatever they infer or assume about those things rather than the literal content of what I am saying to them.

JenniferJones2015
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07 Jun 2015, 1:28 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

No hablo Espanol.... But are you from Spain? I know someone in Olot, Catanunya.

No, I am not from Spain. I just like the way words sound in various languages -- their rhythm, their lilt. I know just a bit of Spanish but I like using what I know because it is fun.

Hyperborean
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07 Jun 2015, 1:35 pm

JenniferJones2015 wrote:

I find intelligence to have been a burden for most of my life (I was finally diagnosed at 38 as a super-high-functioning Aspie) because I could not understand why people do not despair seeing the problems of the world in the way I did -- starvation, trafficking, violence. Until my diagnosis, I never understood why I had spent my life feeling split down the middle -- either too smart/bordering on genius (which I would never say because that is being arrogant for women in the culture I come from), or completely dumb. I do think many neuro-atypical people have sharper cognitive intelligence levels (if one accepts the way 'intelligence' is normed in the West -- I was not born in, and did not grow up in the West, though I do live and work in the West now). It has been a long, lonely, exhausting journey coming to terms with the diagnosis and learning about being an Aspie and realizing all the pain and suffering in my life has a rationale -- but the intelligence question is one that has always hounded me because I know I am smart -- probably smarter than most people I happen to know -- but I am also super kind, gentle, non-confrontative, and painfully shy, and in trying to fit in with the world, I have chosen to/had to play 'dumb' for most of my life. It. Just. Hurts. p.s. I am not sure this post makes any sense, and I apologize if it doesn't seem more than gobbledygook. This is my first post on this forum. I will learn to get better at this.

You make some really good points here, Jennifer, they make perfect sense. I particularly like the intuitive comparisons you draw between East and West and Aspies and NTs. It's very valuable to hear the views of someone who has experienced different cultures, because the culture of a particular part of the world has an enormous impact on how people with AS are regarded, treated and generally understood. And I can completely empathise with your feeling of being split down the middle, I often feel this.

I think you are going to make some excellent contributions to the discussions on WP.

btbnnyr
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07 Jun 2015, 1:44 pm

The Totally Intelligent part of AUTISTIC T-shirt is just meant to go against a common, prevalent stereotype that autistic people are unintelligent and incapable. It is not meant to suggest that autistic people are smarter than other people, or that intelligence equalizes anything or makes up for anything.

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JenniferJones2015
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07 Jun 2015, 1:50 pm

btbnnyr wrote:

But it is an inane phrase, correct? I mean, what does "Totally Intelligent" even mean? If the point is to fight the stereotype, it would make more sense to profess, "More Intelligent Than You, Dumbass". (No aggressiveness implied here; simply curious about the inanity of the situation as I see it...).

btbnnyr
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07 Jun 2015, 1:54 pm

JenniferJones2015 wrote:

btbnnyr wrote:

I don't understand why going against the stereotype would lead to proclamations of more intelligent than you, dumbass. That is the opposite of what I was saying, that there is no implication that autistic people are smarter than others. Saying totally intelligent might be like saying totally cool if I like something, it just means intelligent or cool. Totally is just there to use one of the letters T in AUTISTIC.

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JenniferJones2015
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07 Jun 2015, 1:59 pm

cookieman wrote:

Please don't despair Jennifer. I think we are very much alike, and when I was in my thirties, I was in a place similar to where you are. I was very lucky to find a woman, now my wife, who understands me as well as anyone could, and loves me for who I am. You sound like you have a lot going for you!

Thanks, cookieman. You are very lucky to have an understanding partner. My 15 year (and very love-filled) marriage ended (before the diagnosis) because I had no idea I am an Aspie, and neither did the partner, and the strain of sexual expectations became impossible to maintain. The marriage (and extroverted partner) had kept me protected from much of social demands/requirements that are so challenging to understand and negotiate. Now, I find myself on my own, grappling with the diagnosis, and trying to find ways to cope with despair that often overwhelms. But, every day is an opportunity to be on the journey and to learn to be grounded -- even though the center seems to be always shifting, lol. A lot of CBT, and a lot of no-guilt nap are my current oft-used tools.

JenniferJones2015
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07 Jun 2015, 2:05 pm

btbnnyr wrote:

JenniferJones2015 wrote:

btbnnyr wrote:

Wow -- sorry, dude. I was just asking a question. White flag.

btbnnyr
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07 Jun 2015, 2:09 pm

JenniferJones2015 wrote:

btbnnyr wrote:

JenniferJones2015 wrote:

btbnnyr wrote:

Wow -- sorry, dude. I was just asking a question. White flag.

Please take what I say literally, I am really literal.

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JenniferJones2015
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07 Jun 2015, 2:12 pm

btbnnyr wrote:

JenniferJones2015 wrote:

btbnnyr wrote:

JenniferJones2015 wrote:

btbnnyr wrote:

Wow -- sorry, dude. I was just asking a question. White flag.

Please take what I say literally, I am really literal.

-- So am I. It is all cool.

kraftiekortie
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07 Jun 2015, 3:49 pm

Hi Jennifer,

I'm glad you're such a great linguist.

Yep.....I think your great worldly experience, and objectivity, will add quality to our discussions.

I'm sorry your marriage didn't work out.

nomoretears
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07 Jun 2015, 3:59 pm

I cant say intelligence is always the equalizer.

ex. I love to read, and I read a lot in my younger years. Plus, I have had many different hobbies over the years. I worked an the office with several other women. Everytime someone asked a random question, id know the answer. Other times, I gave my opinions which I could back up what what id read when we were on whatever topic. Thats not good in most social situations. Thats called being a smart arse, show off, etc. I certainly didnt feel like being smart was an equalizer in that situation.

A lot of times people go for who is more likable as opposed to who is smarter.

starkid
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07 Jun 2015, 3:59 pm

JenniferJones2015 wrote:

Wow -- sorry, dude. I was just asking a question. White flag.

Did you think that btbnnyr was calling you a dumbass? I'm curious about what the miscommunication was.

starkid
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07 Jun 2015, 4:03 pm

nomoretears wrote:

I worked an the office with several other women. Everytime someone asked a random question, id know the answer. Other times, I gave my opinions which I could back up what what id read when we were on whatever topic. Thats not good in most social situations. Thats called being a smart arse, show off, etc. I certainly didnt feel like being smart was an equalizer in that situation.

Does "being smart" here refer to being able to back up your opinions and answer random questions?

HighLlama
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07 Jun 2015, 4:03 pm

nomoretears wrote:

Very true. I often think that "smartass" is what people say when they have no response. But, I'd rather be a smartass than a dumbass.

nomoretears
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07 Jun 2015, 4:17 pm

tarkid wrote:

nomoretears wrote:

Does "being smart" here refer to being able to back up your opinions and answer random questions?

Is this instance yes. However, I am above average iq (not bragging, im no genius or anything) which I believe makes me a bookaholic readaholic with a lot of interests that I would consider relevant as opposed to normal banter aka a smart arse aka unlikable know it all. I have a thirst for knowledge that most nts dont seem to have

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