looking in people's general direction

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eric76
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13 Jun 2015, 6:27 pm

lordfakename wrote:
I tend to look at mouths, noses, unibrows, make quick glances at eyes, hold eye contact then look away continuously for a few beats or look away entirely, depending on how I feel. I've noticed that none of these actually involve actually paying attention to eyes. I never notice eye movement, or colour. It's about making sure others can tell I'm paying attention. Looking like I'm looking, as it were.


If female, I sometimes look at their breasts instead. That is particularly true if they are wearing is more revealing.



ToughDiamond
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14 Jun 2015, 2:06 pm

Yes I often find myself looking towards people rather than into their eyes. I know I'm "supposed" to look at their eyes but I don't find it intuitively obvious that I should, it's just a learned expectation, and it's quite annoying because for me it tends to get in the way of communication.

I only do it when I happen to remember, and even then I don't really know when to do it or how long to do it for, and I'm aware that if I overdo it then I might give a false impression of aggression or sexual attraction, but if I underdo it then they might think I'm being dishonest or aloof.

Just to confound things even more, if somebody doesn't look at me when I'm trying to engage with them, I can pick up that they're not interested or zoned out, though as long as what they say is addressing what I've said to them, I'm often happy with that, and I wonder why there are so many people out there who would judge me harshly for not giving them eye contact, if indeed they would. Sometimes I can't believe they're that stupid and rigid. Maybe the judgemental mainstream NT is something of a myth?