The Curse of Being Apparently Normal

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It's heartening to see that you've had some good responses to your original post, and I hope they have helped through the tough time you're having at the moment. I can definitely relate to what you say, having recently been through diagnosis in the UK and currently waiting for the report. Although I am almost certainly BAP, (at the initial assessment they told me I wouldn't cross the DSM-V threshold for ASD), my neurodiverse score comes out more Aspie than NT, so in a not-dissimilar way to you I know how it feels to not fit in, to be regarded as weird and out of place, and yet function 'normally' (although not normally for me).

And I agree: being apparently normal can be a curse.

Hi Rooster1968,

I'm about the same age as you and I can relate to a lot of the things you say. I was diagnosed two years ago but for the rest of my life I was trying to act normal and not be myself. I'm also a big strong man and people have tried to push me into a role befitting that- I was always forced to play rugby and people have suggested (probably half jokingly) that I should become a rent collector or doorman. In fact I'm a big softy and would rather sit looking at pictures of kittens on the Internet than be down the pub singing drunkenly with "the lads". I experienced little physical bullying but a lot of name calling and ridicule. Probably as a result of this I have quite severe social anxiety. People find the idea of a big shy guy something to laugh about.

My social skills really aren't too bad if people meet me half way and I can be quite talkative in a small group. I'm hopeless in a situation like a party though and I get stuck if I'm with a group of men who will only talk about sport. Sadly the latter describes my current work environment so I sit all day in silence. Because I can "pass" in some situations I think people (including doctors) under-estimate how bad my problems are.

I have had to suppress my "aspieness" for most of my life and I've felt that it was just my own weakness at being distressed by loud noise, physical discomfort, demands to multi-task and so on. I guess that since my diagnosis I have admitted to these problems a bit more but no one has commented on this.

I can't offer any solutions but I can reassure that you're not alone.

The original post made me cry because I felt like I was reading about myself in much of it.

Glad to see you, SkiBum!

Thank you Kraftie. I am glad to see you too. I don't feel secure enough to come back though. Just really moved by the original post.

Whenever you're ready, we'll embrace you.

I know quite a few people miss you.

Thank you. Hugs. You are a good friend Kraftie.

Hi Skibum

Glad you are not feeling so alone to the OP.

Hi Waterfalls. Thank you. I miss you. I am glad to see you.

fantastic thread!

Gawd, you ppl are gr8!

Years ago, I had a boyfriend who broke up with me because I was too distant and that I was rather emotionally stunted. I get lonely from time to time now. I cant find a job for reasons unknown to me and my last actual job fired me because I didnt sugar coat évery sentence.

Having just had an unofficial diagnosis, I have got a number of "but you don't act like ...", "I would not have picked you for having aspergers", "but you seem to cope really well..." - even from people who are very familiar with autism and related conditions.
I also had a psychologist state outright that I did not have Aspergers after a very brief conversation - without asking about any of my previous history. At that stage I had not read anything about females with aspergers and had only suspected I had traits. Looking back now I can see how it has affected me throughout my school life (especially high school), my jobs (all ended with meltdowns - largely stress induced)
I was diagnosed with depression in my teens. The one problem with that is, when you have that sort of diagnosis, it is the automatic response when you present with vague symptoms. My aspergers wasn't diagnosed until this year, my sleep apnoea was not diagnosed until after I fell asleep/blacked out while driving forcing a diagnostic test. The symptoms for depression are rather vague and can not be diagnosed with a test, but tests for other conditions are not always considered by most doctors.