I am NT and I do not understand

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Aww Moondust, you did not sound harsh at all. I took what you said as kind and helpful

My friend at work suggested that I get some headphones and crank up the music while I'm at the gym. I've just been listening to whatever the gym plays on their sound system. My own music playing loud and directly in to my head may help drown everyone else out--including him. I'll let you know if it works or not.

Thanks again

Last edited by Amandar on 30 Jun 2015, 2:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Just goes to show, one shouldn't make assumptions.

If you don't want children and marriage, then just enjoy the time you have with him. Stick with him and curb your expectations. It's not too often one meets someone they get along with.

Moondust's Law of Couplehood: "When the man you're attracted to and the man that's good for you are the same man, then you're healed."

I have a slightly different take on this.

I hope you don't preclude the possibility of happiness in your life. I'm sensing that you're letting this one guy ruin it for you. I can understand the feeling, and encounter it all the time.

But I don't agree that you should preclude yourself from happiness in the future. I feel this with lots of my heart.

Do you really dislike kids? If you were to "fix" yourself, perhaps do a procedure which is reversible?

Otherwise, I agree with the previous advice pertaining to the gym and personal autonomy.

He is aware of the erratic nature of love and doesn't want to get burnt. If you don't like being in his friendzone, end the friendship and move on.

Oh sweetie!! !! !! I feel for you, because I've been there. I cried a lot of tears for that reason too -- the longing for good companionship as well as anything else.

If you really like other aspects of this man, you might be able to salvage a platonic friendship from things, but only if that's not going to be too hard on your heart. I've been there too and it's a bittersweet thing. I send you hugs and I hope you can find that time heals and this can morph into something less painful.

And I agree with Birdie's too.

I don't have anything against kids. I have one from a previous marriage. I don't feel the need to have a litter

Gotcha!

How old is he/she?

I have no kids--and I feel regret sometimes because of that fact.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 30 Jun 2015, 2:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Stay strong. It's best to cut him off first. Since he's still looking, it's inevitable that he'll do the same to you once he finds the next replacement. If it were me, I would even write down what he said so I can be reminded in case my feelings take over and make me forget why I broke off the relationship in the first place. Over time, I tend to forget what a person has done or said that hurt me - mistake, because I end up getting hurt all over again after finding out the other person hasn't changed.

Or maybe he is not a good guy.

I LOVE that. That is such great advice.

I too spent so many years of my younger life wasting time in what were -- for me -- dead-end relationships though I wanted something very different. And nobody told me either.

17, I got knocked up in high school. As far as regret, it works both ways. We always wonder what life would be like if [insert life event here] had or had not happened.

There was a thread posted on reddit about having children. I was not surprised at the number of people who said if they could go back, they wouldn't have children.

BirdInFlight, I always thought I'd never reach that state of congruence between my heart and my head. I was convinced it just wasn't possible for me. Then (after decades of self-growth work) one day it happened. Yay! This thread reminded me of a guy I dated a few times over a decade ago. I remember how I went into his computer room one day and saw on his screen a dating site, with tons of open windows (each a personal ad in the site, each with a photo of a different woman) and I felt revulsion and was immediately turned off him, forever. Aaah, the congruence is hard-earned but such a blessing! To be turned on by being treated well and by genuine interest in us as a person / companion is true healing.

That is certainly one of those eureka moments! I had something similar happen that shut me right down on wanting a certain guy in my life anymore.

This was back in 2002. I had been seeing this one guy on and off for almost two years -- I didn't even notice that time duration creeping up on me. The whole thing had been a struggle from not long after the start -- classic "not on the same page" stuff. He wanted a FWB situation, whereas I "thought" I was "in love" at the time and wanted a fully well-rounded relationship that might even have a future. I still hadn't learned that you can't change someone or get out of them what they're not interested in giving. He was never there for me, never a true boyfriend, hard to get hold of etc. But booty calls -- different matter.

Well one day my cat got sick and was at the vet for a few days before they informed me he wasn't going to make it, and I need to come in and have him put to sleep.

I had family cats growing up, but this was my very first cat I had ever owned while I was an adult, all by myself. And it was the first time in my life I had to deal with the decision to have a pet put to sleep; my first grownup experience of having to take care of a thing like that myself, not my dad.

I was grief stricken over my cat, and not unnaturally I wanted some emotional support from someone who cared. Well I don't have any family and I didn't have many friends at this time, but I had my boyfriend, right?

Wrong. I tried to call him, left many messages, he never called back. I was asking him if he could please come with me to the vet's clinic to help me through putting my cat to sleep. When I finally got a call through to him and got to talk to him, he said no. He point blank refused. He got angry with me for even asking. He made it plain that he wasn't interested in being there for me with this.

We had a MASSIVE fight over the phone. We both wound up literally yelling and screaming at each other. We both were mad as hell at the different expectations of the other. It was all coming out like a big zit full of pus.

I felt devastated that he was so cold he would not even do this simple act of just coming with me for something that I was falling apart over.

I never spoke to him again. It was stone-cold OVER. He also never tried to contact me either. We were both done. I was completely turned off him, as a person and for any other purposes too.

I went to the vet all alone and took care of the situation with my cat. I took his body away and buried him by myself. I had no one there to just hold me and help me grieve. A few years later I did such a favor for a dear friend of mine when her own cat had to be put to sleep. There is no way anyone with a heart beating in their body can refuse to be sweet like that when someone is devastated over the loss of a beloved pet.

I realized then, that someone who could be that much of a heartless louse was not good for me, and I stopped doing this kind of FWB casual thing, because I knew I needed someone who is a friend too, who is there for me and willing to care about anything I'm going through.

I'm crying just reading this. I'm so sorry you went through that and with no real friends or family. No one should experience death by themselves - especially a loved one or pet. I would have went with you.