Do aspie males have a harder time than aspie females ?

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hale_bopp
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11 May 2005, 11:09 pm

most of the people on hot or not I didn't rate over a 6.

Anyway, Guy's want sex, they don't care if the girl is a weirdo.

But It's not usually the same the other way around. . So in romantic terms, yes, I greee makes have it harder. But in other terms, I think females do. (see my previous post).



violet_yoshi
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12 May 2005, 1:09 am

chamoisee wrote:
Females are less likely to be diagnosed and there are more expectations on us to be fluffy headed, social, and nurturing. I think girls have to fly in the face of convention more when they have AS. If you're a guy, and you're really well informed on a subject, it's great. Try doing the same as a girl..... it isn't the same.

Girls are also somewhat more likely to be molested or raped, and this IS an issue for Aspies because we are less likely to realize we are in danger from the person (especially if it's an aquaintance or family member) until it is too late.

I think that it has been documented that aspie males have more problems with aggression and rages (but I have seen aspie girls with this problem too!).


I agree with you 100%! Especially about the molested/rape issue. I'm very paranoid about getting involved with someone, because I think something might lead to something, and before you know it's led to that kind of something. :?

As far as being well informed on a subject as a female, it can be bad or good. It depends on the situation, who you hang out with. I grew up as a tomboy, and hanging around guys more, as well as having more "guy" type interests. I never really acted girly, until puberty, then I started thinking babies were cute, and liking pink.

Basically, think of a guy going through puberty but having female kind of thoughts. It's like that, except without all the problems of being a guy, but thinking your female. Like I've heard of that actually happening, something like too much of the wrong hormone in the brain.

I do agree with you that we're expected to act dumb. I have gotten very good at mocking other girls, who talk like valley girls. You know the whole "OMG like totally Becky!" stuff. If they get mad at me I'm just like, "Well that's how you come across". Maybe I just don't get it cuz I'm Aspie, and it's more of a social thing. Dunno.

I think for me the main issue, is just kind of not fitting in anywhere. Or being overly-resentful against society in general, about stereotypes I'm supposed to live up to. Like being underweight, and fluffy-headed.



Malcolm_Scipo
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12 May 2005, 1:14 am

Apparently women, later on. are interested in individuality, so then I will probably have more girlfriends. Meanwhile, I am now just lonely.


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ghotistix
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12 May 2005, 4:29 am

It all depends on the symptoms. Before I came here, I believed it would be much easier to have AS as a girl because my own collection of symptoms would be much less evident in a female than in myself. But now that I know real people who have it and I can see the wide range of symptoms that AS holds, I think that overall, it's equally hard on each gender.


Mutate wrote:
I think that on every aspie forum I have ever been on, the men are all mostly sad and lonely

They're certainly more vocal about it...



danlo
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12 May 2005, 7:21 am

I think you're all too closely attached to the stereotype that people with autism(AS or classic), have no empathy. If anything, we have too much of it, but are unable to process it very well. There's a fair amount of gay/bi oriented autistics. Personally, I think its because the expected role of a female fits more closely to aspies than the role of a male.

Expected attributes of men: Aggression, competition, sportiness, physicality, etc.
Expected attributes of women: Passive, responsive/reactive, emotional, etc.

It is easier to take the role which fits, than to try and conform to the role expected of one by their gender.



Malcolm_Scipo
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12 May 2005, 11:01 am

I personally believe that I may fit into the expected role of men, but the problem is that although I am probably the most masculine person in my year, no one recognises me as such due to AS. I could kick the asses of all the other boys and I have quite a deep voice, but the problem is that the wimpy idiots in my year are too scared to recognise me as a man.

Sorry, I am on a random topic.


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chamoisee
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12 May 2005, 12:58 pm

Quote:
whearas the females, while having the same problems, always have had no problems finding partners.


I disagree. I had no boyfriends in school. None. I was too weird and dorky.

Most of the partners I have had were not interested in me as a person, they just wanted a place to stick it. So, you say, that's better than nothing! Is it? Would you want a girl who was mainly interested in your genitals and didn't really care to know much about your personality? Especially if you got almost NO satisfaction out of the interchange, whereas they always did?

I don't think I have ever had a guy my own age interested in me. The youngest was 8 years older, oldest was at least 25 years older. They are less picky about details when they are happy to get something young. :? Almost without excepion, I was lonelier *with* those guys than I was without them.

I am blissfully, euphorically happy with Tim (Aspergian Mutant) but to be honest, I think that at least a part of our hapiness is because we truly appreciate what we have found, having waited so long and gone through so much BS to find each other.



Prometheus
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12 May 2005, 1:24 pm

Quote:
disagree. I had no boyfriends in school. None. I was too weird and dorky.


my intuition tells me that the girls are pretty much invisable on anyone's radar. I think the world (unfortantly) is still a very paroarchial world where men basically set most of the standards. women who do not meet up to them are essentailly forgotten and men who do not fit the status quo are "beat" or "punished" into conformity. Either option is probably not good for the AS, in my view.

Quote:
I personally believe that I may fit into the expected role of men, but the problem is that although I am probably the most masculine person in my year, no one recognises me as such due to AS. I could kick the asses of all the other boys and I have quite a deep voice, but the problem is that the wimpy idiots in my year are too scared to recognise me as a man.
Code:

I agree scipto!  if you look and act manish to a degree, they will leave us alone to a point


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12 May 2005, 2:59 pm

This is a summation I did on a brief Tony Attwood article. Tell what you think.

Hypotheses as to Why Females with Asperger’s Syndrome May Be Less Likely to Receive a Diagnosis

The diagnosis rate of males to females for Asperger’s Syndrome is 10:1. However, epidemiological research for Autistic Spectrum Disorders suggests the rate is more close to 4:1. Some reasons this diagnosis rate may be like this are:

1. It is thought that females may present a subtler or less obvious presentation of symptoms

2. Girls in general are more able to verbalize their emotions instead of acting them out, which is one of the main reasons boys are often sent in for testing due to aggressive behavior.

3. Females tend to fall into the “passive” category of social interaction, and thus their social deficits may be less obvious.

4. Girls are more likely to be taken under the wings of other girls in school settings, evoking more of a “mothering” behavior in them. As opposed to males who often evoke a more “predatory” reaction in other males and are more frequently bullied.

5. AS Females are suspected to learn social skills faster and more easily than males with Asperger’s Syndrome, and are more apt to improve more quickly on these social skills deficits.

6. Females are more likely to use imitation or modeling of someone they know who possesses excellent social skills, and replicate these in social situations. This, however, can backfire and make them appear as a “social chameleon” and be quite obvious as to whom they are imitating.

7. Girls may more often fall back on creating an imaginary friend, sometimes visualizing this friend in a toy, which can appear to be imaginary play, (“Imaginary Play” being one of the Triad of Impairments in Autism as suggested by Dr. Lorna Wing—though with AS and HFA there is still much dispute in the professional community to this particular point in the Triad.)


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Sophist
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12 May 2005, 3:06 pm

I am female, gay, fairly butch, and have never had a girlfriend. I had one boyfriend once upon a time. But I have a hard time with enjoying the touch of skin (which, needless to say, makes sex not so pleasant).

So, I am female, lonely, and most likely have to remain content in being so due to hypersensitivity to human skin (even my own sometimes).

:cry:

As I have more male characteristics than most females, my interactions and interests (and monologues) often tend to look more male Aspie-ish I should think. Though I do retain some feminine qualities in my clumsy communications. Again, I am butch, but not the most butch lesbian I have seen.


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13 May 2005, 12:41 am

MishLuvsHer2Boys wrote:
I think for me my main issue with dating when I was in my teens wasn't that I had a hard time getting 'found' by a guy. I had a body when I was younger that seemed to attract guys whether I liked it or not at times. For me the biggest thing is I either have a hard time keeping interest in the relationship/dating or if I do, it never really last long term before the other person is annoyed and tired of me. I felt like cursing my body when I was younger as I couldn't stand the type of attention it got me. Once the person got to know me better after a few dates or so, even my physical appearance couldn't keep their interest enough.


grass is always greener on another side :roll:


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Malcolm_Scipo
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13 May 2005, 1:31 am

The only possibility for a girlfriend for me is someone I meet at a party.


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THOUGHT IT WAS THE 4TH OF JULY.
I WOKE UP AND THEN I REALISED,
I WAS NOT WHAT I HAD ALWAYS TRIED TO EMULATE.
INSTEAD A SHADOW OF FORMER GLORY.
AND THEN I CRIED.


chamoisee
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13 May 2005, 10:07 am

Hi Sophist,

I also am fairly butch. I don't think I'm gay though, I've only been strongly attracted to women a few times, mainly it's been men. Sometimes I have felt like I have a male mind in a female body. I certainly don't feel female!

I have had touch aversion issues too, as did my mate. For some reason we don't with each other. Maybe it it's because we're both aspie. His touch does not feel invasive, whereas with others I would reach a point where I simply could not stand to be touched at all. So there might be hope, if you meet someone who feels OK.



MishLuvsHer2Boys
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13 May 2005, 11:20 am

Captain_Brain wrote:
MishLuvsHer2Boys wrote:
I think for me my main issue with dating when I was in my teens wasn't that I had a hard time getting 'found' by a guy. I had a body when I was younger that seemed to attract guys whether I liked it or not at times. For me the biggest thing is I either have a hard time keeping interest in the relationship/dating or if I do, it never really last long term before the other person is annoyed and tired of me. I felt like cursing my body when I was younger as I couldn't stand the type of attention it got me. Once the person got to know me better after a few dates or so, even my physical appearance couldn't keep their interest enough.


grass is always greener on another side :roll:


Whatever you say. I hated the attention I got. In some ways I'm glad I didn't keep up physical appearances that much. The ones that ended up attracted to me were the same that sexually, physically, emotionally and verbally abused me so if that is your idea of grass is greener on the other sider, perhaps you need to think on the real meaning of what you say.



Sophist
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13 May 2005, 12:41 pm

Sometimes I also have trouble sharing myself. I am terribly egocentric and am selfish with my possessions and time. I do not think I would make a good mate. And could certainly never live with anyone. I drive people crazy who live with me. My partner would no doubt be ready to shoot me by the end of the second week.


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ManureMental
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13 May 2005, 3:35 pm

Apparently males are supposed to have it slightly harder than females, so this is probably the only thing thing we aspies have in common with the NT's of the world - because NT males usually have it harder than NT females so conclusion is i suppose,"it must be a guy thing"?! !