Mind games

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I disagree. I'm with Misery on this one. I think your response to krafti was uncalled for. There are much more polite ways to respond to things you don't agree with. I don't see how what he said was invalidating, but I'm sure he didn't mean to be.

On the topic, I don't think it's always possible to see when people are playing mind games. They can be very subtle. No amount of willpower will help you if you can't even notice you're in a situation where mind games are being used on you. I disagree with whoever "someone" was. Also, even if you recognize someone is messing with you, you won't always know what to do about it.

.....you thought *I* was rude? I think you might want to analyze some of the stuff you already said in this very topic.

I only point stuff like that out because A: sometimes, people in this place very honestly dont realize when they're doing something, and pointing it out can be helpful (this happens to me in relation to a number of things IRL, pretty darn frequently, and it really IS helpful for people to just outright tell me rather than not, or I wont be able to fix it, whatever "it" is at the time), and B: I dont like seeing flamewars happen, or other users get insulted for any reason in this place. Or anything of that nature. This place normally doesnt have that sort of stuff.... and it doesnt need it.

I can understand if you're frustrated with something... I know I am often frustrated at basically everything... but that's no reason to snap at anyone in here, particularly if that person is just trying to encourage or help. Which, really, is all anyone here is trying to do.



And I'll agree with that one. If the person doing it is good at being manipulative, it can be very, very hard to really notice just what they're up to. Sometimes I think it's honestly best though to just stay away from the person, if you think or suspect they're up to no good. Though, I do think that autism in general can make this harder to realize in many situations.

I'm so glad to know that you feel you can speak for the intentions of anyone here, and also tell me when I have a reason to post or not. That's quite amazing.

Well, let's see...if something is not actually helpful or encouraging to the recipient, it doesn't make much sense to continue, does it? Unless there is some other motivation behind it.

Right, I probably can't always recognize it to begin with. I could kind of take it for granted in a corporate work environment, of course mind games will be played because that's just how it is. However, when it comes down to specifics I may not always catch on.

But even if I do recognize what is happening, I just can't think and sequence words together fast enough to respond to it. I think of things much later that I might have said, too late.

Maybe we need an outbreak of peace at this stage.

Dianthus, rightly or wrongly I am guessing you are in a state of despair just now, and don't need any more hassle. You probably felt that your statement of the problems you are facing, in your opening post, were minimised and discounted - I understand why - even though KK probably didn't do that with that kind of intention. You felt you were being told that you didn't really have a problem. Yet you knew that you did. KK you were trying to help, but it wasn't really helpful. Now in the thread people are talking past each other, and your problem has been buried in the conflict.

Take heart, Dianthus, I know you are a good person with good intentions and I respect you for that. How can we help?

I'm coming round to the view that it's OK to stay away from all the mind games and politics. You know, sometimes it works against you if you don't engage in poltics, but there are also a lot of NT people who increasingly don't play that way. As people on the autistic spectrum, I'd hazard a guess that most of us are pretty poor at doing the politics and mind games. I know I am. But all the more reason to set your stall out as someone with principles. I think a lot of people really respect that.

Exactly. And one way or another that's what I've been told most of my life, and yet I continue to struggle with things.



Thank you. That means a lot to me. I don't know if you can do anything to help.

I have been back to vocational rehab and finally got to talk to someone. I told the VR counselor about the psychiatrist I saw when I was 12, who thought I was autistic. The VR counselor said he could see some similarities between me and other autistic clients. They are willing to send me for an evaluation. It also sounds like they are going to push for me to take some kind of medication, no matter what. I don't think I need medication, I just need to be in a different job.

I totally agree and I'd rather avoid it. It's just gotten to the point where I can't avoid it anymore.

Oh, so that's how you read krafti's post. I was wondering and trying to figure out what on earth you were seeing that I wasn't.

I don't think he would intentionally do that. Doesn't strike me as someone intentionally mean. He just wanted to help. Just a misunderstanding.

The way I read it (not saying this is what happened, this is how I saw it) was he saw it as you doubting yourself and your abilities so he wanted to reassure you. I then saw you snap at him and him just trying to understand what it was he did wrong so he wouldn't do it again.

But now I see your way too. You were posting a problem you were having, and it looked like he was intentionally trying to invalidate you.

Weird how the same conversation can look completely different to different people.

I don't think you two should avoid each other over a misunderstanding. But that's just me. Random teenager and observer.

When we are feeling fragile or emotionally in pain, the pain of having that experience discounted tends to just compound our distress. I am fairly sure that every member here has experienced that at some time. It feels like telling someone you have a painful toe and they respond by stepping on it.. accidentally or not. And then you can feel that hopeless feeling "what's the point of even trying.."

This is, fundamentally, a support site. All of us fall short at some time in our lack of understanding and acceptance of others, me included. Yet there is always the possibility of sharing in healing -by acceptance of how someone feels, approval for their right to feel what their feelings, kindness whether accompanied by understanding or not of someone's particular pain, a spirit of goodwill..as people on the spectrum we are all in this together..

Too often the support gets lost in the conflict of people determined to prove "I am right, you are wrong" and that['s one reason I left for a while (and may again). There is always this huge potential on WP for support and healing to occur, but that potential seems to be undermined so casually on a daily basis, and some people do seem to get singled out as targets, when a spirit of goodwill is what builds the platform of trust that sets the stage for people to resolve issues and begin to heal and reclaim their personal power (in a constructive way).

There is so much destructive stuff that goes on here. I am so wearied by it. Sorry.

People worry about their "cognition" all the time. I worry about it sometimes.

When someone says they have some deficiency in their "cognition," it strikes a chord. One thing leads to another. A lack of confidence leads to a vicious cycle.

I don't lack confidence and I am not concerned about my cognition. Kraftie, please give Dianthus the space she asked for here. That's what she asked for, and I think she needs that from you.

He's explaining why he said it. It's interesting seeing the different viewpoints when a misunderstanding happens.

I'll leave---but I need a lollipop!

And that's what you did as well, when you snapped at him the first time. You spoke for HIS intentions and reason to post. Think about the potential things that the person you're talking to might actually mean, before jumping down their throat. That's all I"m saying, seriously. Nothing more than that. Just trying to defuse a potential explosion or whatever.

And I'm not saying it to be mean or unpleasant: I very honestly meant that as genuine advice, because you ACTUALLY could cause an unintended situation/arguement/fight with that. Or hurt someone that you didnt intend to, that didnt deserve it. I've done both in the past myself, and it doesnt end well at all; hell, I actually lost a friend entirely to it, once... I've regretted that for years. It hurts. And I cant undo it.

And I've seen you on here before, and I cant imagine that you're the sort of person that would WANT to hurt.... anyone at all. Or at least, that's the impression I get from what I've seen of your posts. Hell, I dont think I've seen anyone in this place that seems that way; aint much in the way of trolls here. Or that sort. If I HAD run into anyone like that, likely, I'd have been in conflict with them LOTS of times by now, because I tend to do that if I encounter one. Hasnt happened though, hopefully wont. This place, I swear, is the only bastion of pleasantness that I'm aware of in the sea of jackassery that is the Internet.

And now I reach the point where I've gotten lost in my own memories and cant remember the other thing I was going to say. Ugh. Provided there even WAS something else I was going to say.

Dianthus, I hope this provides some comfort just now:

http://doctorcj.com/2012/02/13/sick-and ... -attack-2/

When conflict breaks out on the site, people tend to adopt polarised positions as described in the theories of psychological triangulation - as persecutors, victims or rescuers. Sometimes everyone needs to step back, have a cup of tea, a lollipop, and strive to see the good (and the pain) in one another, rather than throw more fuel on the fire. All that does is cause more pain and defensiveness. Peace, my friends. We are all in this together.