Ugh! Can't "Get" Sheet Music

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I think that when you are playing from sheet music, you aren't determining whether or not it is a A, B, C, or whatever. Rather, you learn to associate the position of the note on the page with a particular fingering of your instrument.

The idea is ot to think note names as you paly - please. That is just practice.
Connecting notes to fingerboard/keyboard is more reading the instrument. You depend on that instrument afterwards.

I hadn't actually thought of it this way. You see, I think that's where I actually lose the plot - that it is (or has been for me, anyway) THREE things: The fingering...the letter for the note...and the position on the staff.

I'm actually having some trouble grasping what you said above so I'm going to think about it a bit more and see if it comes clear. I'm having trouble deciphering how to not think about the note but still be seeing it...?

Going to give this a bit more thought.

I think if I knew what sound to try to reach for each note, things would be easier. I don't have any one of the above three things I mentioned clear and I can't relate them to anything in my experience, nor to one another. I can't, for instance, sing the note "C" right now if you asked me to, even though I have quite a good singing voice.

Going to think about this when I can get my head clearer because right now it's all kind of jumbled together.

I appreciate all the help and thoughts.

I've never been able to read sheet music either. It always seems easier to learn the notes by heart, and if I happen to know what to play, I stop looking at the paper.

I can decypher a piece of sheet music, but not in real time if it's much more than a slow series of single notes. It looks pretty much impossible to read chords at normal speed. But I think it must be a matter of practising diligently and becoming so familiar with the positions of the notes on the staves that there's no longer any need to look at each note individually, I guess the patterns become instantly recognisable. I'm not motivated enough to put in the long hours of practice, it would be nice to acquire the skill, but there always seems to be something more interesting or important to spend time on.

I´m like you, Diamond and I was trained for years. It didn´t come easy, despite it being logical, because I allways go by the ear, - but it can be learned.

Nowhere Woman.You don´t have to have absolute pitch. You can take any tone and name it C, because reading music is about knowing the relationship between the notes/tones = Tonal tension.

An example: Major and minor third. If you sing the three first steps of a scale, the third step from the bottom decides whether you are in major or minor = The tension between the first and the third step.
It´s allways good, as a practise, to sing on numbers, so you learn to hear, where step one is. Very important.

To illustrate: First phrase of "Itsy bitsy spider": major scale steps: 1112333,22231.
Now lower step 3 - and you are in minor - a sad little spider.

Does it make sense?

And all this with a "C natural" key signature is just the tip of the iceberg, without even getting into whole notes, half notes, quarters, eighths etc. I don't believe I've ever seen a raga transcribed for sitar or swaramandal into Western notation

Jensen is correct; absolute pitch is not a necessity, though relative pitch will help unlock the 'colors' in each tone. There has been a guy advertising in guitar magazines for literally decades selling an ear training program that is supposed to teach relative pitch.

Fingering is probably as important a skill as a 'good ear'. The only trick is to make a note sound good against another one. Fretted instruments are more my forte; what woke my brain up to learn chords was sheets of paper with a tracing of the 'neck' hand with a block diagram of the chord next to it. I could probably play a non-fretted instrument though it would take me maybe a few weeks of hunting for the notes not played on open strings. I wonder if there is something similar to the hand drawing for string players to learn positions

Yes...that really does make sense. This is all so helpful and has also given me that "oomph" to keep going with this. I really want to do this.

I think if you can play without needing sheet music, you are fortunate. I have never been able to memorize a piece of music, other than maybe the simplest fight songs I played in band. Without sheet music, I am totally lost. I can hear the music in my mind from memory, but I can't remember how to play it unless I can see it.

I am a music teacher but also a pretty poor sight reader.
I can work it out slowly and then kind of internalise it and play it back by ear. I am essentially an improviser, Jazz and Blues.
(the best musicians can do both, look at the classic videos of Yehudi Menhuin and Stephane Grappelli jamming. the genius violinist Yehudi really struggled... and admitted as much)

Firstly I would say lots of good advice so far, but as far as reading music goes. Working out the music is different from sight reading.

my advice to my students when working a piece out is always. Work it out in bite size pieces, Repeat and repeat, always play very slowly to begin, then speed up in small increments when you continually get it right

Get a metronome app (loads of freebies around) for your phone and computer and play to that, start very slowly and go up in small notches.

Learn 1-2 bars at a time REALLY slowly until you can play in time. ONLY THEN speed up (A TINY BIT) play another 10-20 times until you teach your fingers. (muscle memory). Then learn the next section the same way.

You do not have to look at the music every single time you play it, this is a separate skill =sight reading.

Sight reading is purely a matter of practice. Start off clapping very simple rhythms (No pitches yet) while looking at the music.
Counting like this.... actually say the numbers out loud until you get it.
crotchets = 1,2,3,4
quavers = 1 and, two and, three and, four and
semiquavers = 1-ee and a, two-ee and a, three-ee and a, four-ee and a.
Minims 1-2,3-4
semibreves 1,2,3,4

Then start some simple scales Yes use FACE in the SPACE, (spaces on Treble clef) and EVERY GOOD BOY DESERVES FOOTBALL (lines on treble clef)
learn the names of the open strings and say 2 obvious notes on the fret board of each string, (eg C and G ??) this will give you a visual anchor. play these repeatedly (say the notes as you play??), then test yourself by mixing up the order

Now, here is the mystery......... there is no mystery! it is just repetition, keep doing it and after a while when you see a note on say the middle line your mind will automatically say "B" to you and your finger will fret there.

Persevere. to begin it will be very methodical slow and a bit boring counting/spell the letters of FACE etc is fine,
but YOU WILL get faster and faster and eventually have no need to count the lines and spaces you will just see them!
(you learned to read and translate the much more complicated symbols on this page after all!)

Artur Rubenstein quote "Don`t tell me how talented you are tell me how hard you work"

This guy is pretty good at explaining things too... http://oneminutemusiclesson.com/

Also there are grade books for sight reading which start of very simple and increase in a nice incremental way not too fast, these are good to have handy, test yourself , you will soon get through the first books
(NB.Top professional level sight reading is a different matter and will take a few years to master.... )

Ask yourself do you need to sight read or just `work it out` like I use scores for?

Growth Mindset is where its at for me (Carol Dweck) as is the approach to learning that we teach children at my school, you have made a great start.
Perseverance, resilience and `can do` approach is the way forward.
Use the word `YET`in your internal monologue to create a growth mindset..
" I can`t find a note on the treble clef quickly..... YET"

Repeat repeat repeat, your brain is amazing and WILL learn. (a sad fact is your daughter will learn faster than you due to her extra neural plasticity!! ! .... oh to be young again, but you have wisdom and perseverance, she has not yet gained).

I am re learning guitar at 53... it is hard work and slow and frustrating BUT, I honestly am beginning to get better. Stick at it it will be well worth it and will give you something to be really proud of, not only the end product but your drive and resilience will enrich your whole life.

Anyway, enough prevarication (watch this enemy to practice!!.... ) i must pick my own guitar up ... NOW!

p.s. Don`t overthink it.

Struggle and mistakes are the gateway to success, (don`t worry about mistakes... they are actually good)
just get your fingers on the instrument get on with it......and repeat.

I'm an A-Level Music Tech student, and it takes me a long time to process sheet music. Where the notes are doesn't automatically register in my head, so I have to carefully study the score and count slowly up the spaces. It makes my brain ache.

I have absolute pitch, so I prefer to play music by ear. I can process audial pitches much quicker than I can process a load of notes on a bunch of lines.

oh yeh.
another trick is to get the score of a simple piece of music that you already know how its sounds. This will help.

This is a great oversimplification. Many instruments can have the same pitch played in different locations on the instrument (stringed instruments), as well as with different fingerings.

On the piano, for example, ANY of the 88 keys can be played by ANY of the fingers on either hand.

I have been reading music and playing the piano since the age of 3.
I do have to say that when I read music, I read the letter names of the notes. I just happen to do it extremely fast because I've been doing it so long, and I have a particular gift for it.
But, I do not just associate a note with a fingering. The fingering I use depends on the piece of music and whatever shifting I might have to do.
The same is true for stringed instruments. Even advanced players have to "map out" how they are going to move from one note to the next in difficult passages, deciding which fingering on which string is going to work best.
This is why I don't teach my beginning piano students "positions." Positions are useful for *maybe* the first year or two of playing, and then are useless.

It is important to know the letter names, not just the fingering. Even at a beginner level in violin (in 1st position), one must learn that D below the staff can be played either as an open string or on the G string, or that 2nd-space A can be played as an open string or on the D string, etc.

Learning the note names needs to be kept separate from learning the geography of the instrument. A lot of people here have made good recommendations. I have not checked out the links to the theory websites, but I do know there are many good ones online, some of which have fun games. Flashcards are also available, if you prefer something you can touch.

I could never learn music, sure I can read notes but I have a problem executing it. Looking at the sheet and then finding the note to play, same with the piano. Others make it look so easy. I wonder if I were to practice practice practice, I would eventually do it. It's like how people can look at the computer screen without looking at the keyboard as they type. I just started doing this but this was years and years of using the computer for typing since elementary school and I didn't start typing without looking at the keyboard until I was about 29 and I still do goof ups so I have to look down at the keys to look when I keep hitting the wrong button. But my point is I could never learn sheet music quick enough to be in a band.

Repetition! Now that I can do!

And I'm taking advantage of my tendency to obsess by having this be my latest obsession (or one of them). Or rather, it became its own new obsession - IOW, I'm not forcing myself to be obsessed about it...which actually I don't think would be possible.

I think I just found my first instance ever of obsessions coming in handy!

Thank you for all the answers. I'm going back to re-read as I just skimmed after reading that so that replying about it wouldn't go right back out of my head once I got distracted by what was said afterward.

Oh, and those of you who can improv? Major major BIG kudos to you. I admire you. I wonder if I'll be able to do that some day. Time will tell. But I have a lot of respect for musicians who can do that. I think it's amazing and creative. And it always sounds like it's telling a story, at least to me.

I appreciate so much the input from music teachers and the confirmation that this isn't just a piece of cake for everyone!