My husband has the social skills of a 14 year old teen per the big deal Autism specialist, who diagnosed him at 50.
All I ever heard from my husband, is how badly high school sucked, how people sucked, how he had no friends. How everyone avoided him.
He really doesn't know what friendship is. He was in clubs at high school, he had friends (people to this day, who still consider him a friend), supposedly many, many girls hit on him in high scool and college. I heard this from numerous different sources. His actual year book has pictures of him clowning around with different friends. His brother and parents said their house was full of people wanted to play D&D with him, and did. Those are a level of friendship.
So my husband has a distorted idea of what friendship is. He thought his coworkers cared about him (no, why would they). He doesn't understand there are many levels of friendship. He thinks everyone he meets should be a BFF, and when they fall short (like expecting a casual friend to act like a blood brother), it crushes him like a beer can.
I hope your counselor specializes in ASD issues. If not (like the first idiot my husband saw), the will tell your son he is depressed and has anxiety, and the only way to make friends is to "put yourself out there". Clubs, volunteering, church...all the stuff they tell anxious/depressed NTs to do. And not address issues that are hampering him in making those close friendships.
Things my husband does which really pings people's weird-dar are
Minimal to no eye contact
Aspie Monologing. There was very little give or take in a conversation.
Does not understand body language (ie when people are getting bored)
Does not understand non verbal social cues. What is not said sometimes is more important than is said.
He slinks and looks uncomfortable in his own skin. (only when his anxiety is off the charts)
He'll talk about things that aren't in the appropriate setting. People are shooting the breeze about the Kardashians, and he starts up about the GDP of Uzbekistan. It's one thing to have a bull session with your college buddies on weighty matters, you don't pull out that topic at a kid's birthday party.
He has misophonia, and is extremely uncomfortable eating around people. He will dissect a sandwich with a knife and fork because he refuses to touch food with his hands. Eating around other is a huge nightmare for him, and he looks horribly uncomfortable.
I wasn't glossing over your son's issues, only pointing out what I thought was really positive stuff. It's not where he wants to be, but at least he can be around others, and he can hold down a job. That's huge. That's less ground he will have to cover in therapy.
The happiest day of my life was getting the hell out high school and never seeing those f***tards again. Believe me, I know what a snake pit high school can be
I've known my husband since I was 19, am I am 50 now. I wanted to divorce after 20 years of marriage, just before his diagnosis. He really does have a totally non NT view of life. It's not bad, just different. When he was getting his ASD diagnosis, he was asked, why did he marry. He told the doctor, "I need someone to take care of me." WTH? What grown man says that? That totally creeped me out.
We are still married, and working towards the middle of accepting our differences. The one thing my husband still does is put everything in the worse possible light, and ruminate it death. There is no grays for him, but life is nothing but a gradient of mushy grays. He's doing CBT to stop those not based in reality negative thoughts from steam rolling him into another depression.
Last edited by Adamantium on 07 Nov 2015, 9:48 am, edited 1 time in total.:
member complaint about swearing
06 Nov 2015, 2:05 am
for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.
