Am I just lazy?

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UnknownEntity - this is happening to me at the moment. I have pretty much always responded to "how are you" with "tired", at least for the last 25 years. Recently I've given up being honest and go with the customary "ok" or "not too bad".

I know the exhaustion I'm feeling isn't typical. This week I've actually slept each morning. I've got work as a contractor at home that I can do when I like, so I'm not forced to go somewhere to work so I can get away with this at the moment.

I think I've always been burned out, and I've got ill when trying to stick to a "normal" routine of 9-5 work.

Like you having non work time is essential for me, and it's even more difficult as a single father with kids. I was making a choice between having something left for my children and getting in 7.5 hours of work. Working half time means that things can get more balanced for me.

I suppose the rambling has diverted me from making the main point - I definitely understand what you're talking about.

You also aren't lazy because the lack of capacity is bothering you. It's certainly not the only thing I have to work to avoid beating myself up about when comparing with NTs, which is pretty inevitable when you're surrounded by them.

Someone who is lazy doesn't care, or it doesn't occur to them that they are.

I usually wake up naturally around 7:30 each day.
If I had to wake up an hour or even half an hour earlier, it would be a problem.
It doesn't seem like a lot, but it would screw me up.
I usually go to sleep around 12:30 or 1 am.

Here I am, it's 5:05 am and I'm supposed to be up in 2 hours for work, yet I've not slept a wink. I've been in bed since 12 but it's not happening. My sleep schedule has pushed round too much too fast, going from getting up at 8 am to getting up at 6pm in the space of 2-3 days.

It sounds like there is a hurricane outside. I'm not going to get any sleep. I'm probably going to just not go in and silently leave my job. I don't expect them to understand, don't think they would believe my excuses, and can't deal with the anxiety associated with any of this. I'm just going to make my life 2x harder financially just so I can be nocturnal and not give a s**t. Why am I so f*cked? Not feeling great right now

Does your job have an option for different shifts? Could you find an evening or night shift? Sounds like that might help you out. I don't know what you do or your situation. But I would at least call and let them know you are not feeling well--something. A no-call, no-show does no one any good, especially you. Where i live, they are legally not allowed to ask details when you call in sick. (However, after 3 days you need a dr's excuse for most jobs. And obviously, if you call in sick too much, it will be detrimental. But a sick day is better than a no-call no-show.)

I'm sorry for you. We have been there done that at our house. Hope tomorrow is better.

on the night before i have to get up early, i take 6mg of melatonin and 1/2 tsp powdered ginger in warm sweetened milk. then i can fall asleep earlier than my normal time. no prescription needed, but you should clue your family doc in because both tend to be anticoagulants. also not recommended for everyday long-term use. but can help you adjust to a new schedule.