Aspies have a harder time recovering from bad experiences?

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QFT.
Feel I have to go over unhappy experiences/perceptions bc. I don't feel like I understand them. If I went through something, I'd like to feel I've learned whatever it was supposed to teach me (other than life is depressing, or some such non-starter).
I know stuff, but am frustrated at inability to metaphysically integrate (as if through sheer force of will I could wrestle my brain into functioning), process, and "get beyond" level of accidentally triggered raw, stored, intense emotional pain/rage/fear.
Aware that it would be advantageous in practical terms to be able to cope better & have positive attitude/mental habits, but that's not my inherent temperment (sp?) or true personality.
Bad sensations, interpretations, events, emotional states-they go on & on in my head, after they've stopped occurring externally. It's like skipping a stone across the water-hits many places. Or like a thrown stone that ripples over the whole expanse of the water's surface or resonates (metaphorically) like a tuning fork. Sets up a repeating pattern in my mind which reacts as if the "offense" were happening over & over again.
It makes sense (as creatures) for negative experiences to be more compellingly memorable than positive ones, since avoidance of danger means survival & one only needs to mistakenly be incautious once to lose one's life. The "half-life", duration & intensity of pleasing/joyful experiences seems much briefer than that for disturbing/unhappy ones-for good reason, but the personal consequences are still depressing. Of course, lifeforms (individuals & species) also need sources of positive experiences to keep them striving to thrive-but that's another topic...

Another thing that makes me worry.... wonderful.

I don't feel like I've "got over" anything bad that's happened so far in my life. It's all still there ready to come out when I'm feeling down. It's probably my least favourite characteristic of myself. I'd love to be able to move on from everything whilst still learning from it.

I can still remember every major (and some minor) bad thing that happened to me going back about 35 years. When I have bad nights and can't get to sleep, they often come back to haunt me. I still worry about how people perceived me in those situations, despite the fact I guess they mostly can't even remember me.

Yes, I can relate to this as often I find it difficult to get over unpleasant realities to say the least so, it's something which is always a work in process.

ProfessorX

I actually worry about people who "get over" things too fast. They seldom remember anything they did or said. Carrying on forever, of course, is not good, either. I have noticed that when people say they don't remember something that is said the next day, it is usually due to a faulty memory rather than to a forgiving spirit.

This is supposedly true from what I've read. NTs are supposed to be able to edit and adjust their memories so they don't dwell on negative things. My memory is like video tape that can replay events over and over, pause them, back them up, ad infinitum.

I don't have emotions associated with them, but the cumulative effect of such reviewing is a general state of feeling bad about myself. My emotions pop out unexpectedly and often I'm unsure of why I'm feeling an emotion when there hasn't been any stimulus to account for it.

I have long ago forgiven the people who have done things to me, because they were usually the nasty people who were a general menace to society. I cannot forgive myself for some of the things I've done.

WOW, do you REALLY think they can just edit their memories? Mine works just like yours in this area. And I am almost CERTAIN to review it at least once. It is almost habit that while I am showering one day I remember the highlights from the previous day. This usually includes every meeting and every conversation.

BTW I remember things like this from like 40 years ago. Just a couple weeks ago, I was telling someone about something that happened, and someone else said "What are you talking about?". I described it for him, he thought a bit, and said THAT happened a LONG time ago. YEP, about 7 years ago. I STILL remember EVERY conversation regarding it, and I remember balling the guy out for it like a year later, when we were in a group going out to dinner. I EVEN remember being accused of trying to look tough because I wasn't wearing a jacket, and it was below 32F. I imagine NTs must be able to do that to some degree from all I have heard, even if they are often shocked when I do it.

Steve

I do believe that the old adage, "Once Bitten, Twice Shy" is especially true of aspies. I guess that's part of the reason work is so hard. (And why I started getting heart flutters in my early twenties!!)

This topic is interesting because although I tend to switch off once I have a bad experience with something or someone...what annoys me is I can describe it in great detail years later - hence it would appear that I've dwelled on it.

Yep I have a big difficulty getting over things. Though I don't think it is true NT can just edit their memory from experience of SAers. If anything NTs tend to irrationalise things more. There is something called resilience, they believe you either have it or not. I.e. it is not something you can learn you’re born with it. But it is quire rare for NT to be really resilient, if anything it is a personality disorder not to have anxiety. But on average NT are able to bounce back though a large number of them have anxiety disorders which makes it extremely difficult. So I don't think it is an AS trait I think for AS it is different.
My main problem is I blank things so much that when I need to get over something I’m no further forward.

There are sometimes I think I got over bad experiences or that I forgot about them, but suddenly they just come at night sometimes in dreams or in my head when I am awake making me trouble to sleep.

I still haven't recovered from things that happened several years ago. Whenever something traumatic happens I'll still be thinking about it weeks after and going over exactly what happened again and again.

I've always joked that I'd be a great method actor since if I wanted to convey sadness or anger all I'd have to do is focus one of the many things that have happened over the years that irked me and I still dwell on - rejections that happened years ago, getting in trouble for something I didn't do when I was 9 years old, etc. No matter how long ago, or how mundane even some of the are, I can still get worked up when my mind dwells on them, and it happens a lot.

I know that the main culprit behind me being extemely hesitant when it comes to making friends, having relationships, career-aspirations, etc is just how bad I know I'll take it when I fail, even if I "know" that I shouldn't be dwelling on it, or taking it too hard, I have, and I will, regardless.