Husband upset over empathy problem

Post Reply New Topic

He agrees that I have social skills and empathy problems, but he fails to understand how special interests are disordered. Anyway I told him to point out social problems so that could correct them.

I stopped going to the hospital with him because I would have severe meltdowns. But I sometimes accuse him of faking sick to get attention. I'm diagnosed borderline and have some of those qualities too.

Curious....

Why do you accuse him of being sick to get attention? (or does he have other psych issues too..)

My Aspie husband said his Aspie mother pulled that all the time on them as kids.

When you are vomiting and running a 101F, it isnt exactly faking. I think that was her more lashing out with 3 kids who all had the flu at one. She just couldn't deal.

Early on my husband said the same thing about me too. Somehow, in his mine, 25 year old women don't get sick. The doctors never told me or him "I was doing it for attention", and I do have a valid medical illness. It is having his day up ended that gets him snippy.

I didn't know you also have BPD, and that contributes a whole other lay of issues on top of the Autism.

Wow, Tawaki, your husband seems to have very... complex issues. Anybody would have a very hard time dealing by themselves with what you describe

My wife had an accident a while ago and I think I drove the doctors and nurses nuts , I was worried out of my mind and terrified at the thought of losing her.

When someone points out social problems to me, they also have to give me a clear solution. I memorize said solution and use it the next time i have the situation arise--hopefully it is still applicable. Do you have the same problem? and can he give you a solution of how he would want you to handle a given situation?

I am comfortable in hospitals because i have worked in them and also been a patient so often off/on over the last 18 years. But that comfort level often goes out the window if someone i love is the patient. I try to plan ahead unless it is a dire emergency. I take a book, blanket, etc.--something/anything to distract me. I don't know what makes you have meltdowns in hospitals; but if he wants you to be there for him, is there anything you could take along with you to prevent the meltdown? Earplugs, music, book, blanket, etc.?

On accusing him of faking it--I have never faked sick to get attention. Never faked sick period. Why i would want to is beyond me. But to listen to my husband when he was irritated with me being sick, you would think all my ailments were made up. Or at the very least highly overdramatized. Which they were not, from my perspective as the sick person. Did i never voice discomfort? No. But there were a lot of times when i hid how bad things were and kept going because if i didn't, someone else would have had to step in and take care of all the things i normally handled.

I hated being sick all the time...why would i fake it or use it as manipulation? He tends to attribute more complex motives to me than what i have...probably more than what i am even capable of. So unless you are truly sure your husband is faking sick for attention, i do not know why you would question him on this.

From the perspective of someone who has had a lot of health problems, it is a horrendous insult to be accused of overdramatizing or faking illness. Unless you have a disorder that causes you to do this kind of stuff just for attention maybe?? But for anyone else, there is nothing gratifying about illness or surgeries. It is painful, debilitating, humiliating at times...just absolutely no fun. Being poked and prodded and endless questions about very personal stuff. I have had no surgeries or major illnesses for 3 years now and it has been wonderful.