For those of you that are self diagnosed: how do you know?

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I'm diagnosed now, but I once was self-diagnosed.

This is precisely my case. I originally came across Aspergers' on a Social Anxiety Disorder support message board and thought it sounded just like me. However, at the time, I had a lot of things going on and my family weren't shy about making it known they didn't believe I had any issues of any sort. So, I pushed the idea aside, assuming this was just another case of me being hypochondriac. As time went on, more and more of my issues were being diagnosed and it became apparent I wasn't a hypochondriac at all; I had an unsupportive family. Also the treatment for my Social Anxiety, after several years, was not working. The medication made me feel a little better, but my life wasn't improving and all the social advice I was getting from my doctors (such as participating more in class and being more open to having conversations with people) was getting me into trouble.

At some point, I retook stock on my life and revisited Aspergers. Everything I was reading, from articles to threads here on WP, was hitting way too close to home to be a coincidence. Shortly afterwards I got evaluated, did roughly 10 hours worth of testing, and the results came back as me being on the spectrum.



People tell you.

Like I said before, I would get into "social trouble". Like unwittingly saying something rude or inappropriate, take things too literally, misreading the situation, or missing social cues that would lead people to become annoyed and/or frustrated. Mostly people would stifle their reaction, roll their eyes, and move on (usually ignoring me there on), but sometimes people will make a, usually rude, comment about it. After unintentionally pissing off some many different people, it becomes obvious that something isn't right.

I acknowledge that it might not be so clear for everyone. And I wouldn't presume to amateur diagnose anyone else.

Lol, yes I do need and would love to have support or at least some facsimile of an explanation for my co-workers. But $$$$$ is lacking....

I noticed that I had no friends and had missed most major milestones for someone my age. I looked up conditions. I stumbled upon Aspergers Syndrome. I identified with roughly 2/3 of the symptoms. Saw a specialist, had a highly detailed interview, he said yeah I was.

So I self diagnosed myself and then got conformation from a specialist basically. We can be "unaware" of things, but eventually you learn through trial and error that something is amiss and that things you thought were normalish are not.

My psychologist confirmed my own analysis and did the basic screening, but the official legal paperwork costs A LOT of time and money. She works on ASD issues and coping skills with me and writes the DSM-5 code for ASD on my paperwork, and for my own life situation I'm getting the support I need. But I think I should have had the full legal documentation when I was still in school as I never got the support I needed. As an adult, though, I'm able to work my life around my issues much more than I could as a child.

I had issues my whole life & after joining this forum & doing alot of reading & posting & analyzing; Aspergers is the one thing that can account for alot of my issues.

I do think this is a very valid question. The first thing I will say is that many experts don't ask enough questions for quite some time, therefore, it may take them much longer to diagnose. With that said, here is where I am at.

When my son was diagnosed at age 5, as the developmental psychologist told us about the diagnosis and the reasons why, my husband laughed and said to him "well, whatever he has, my wife has, give her whatever you are going to give him because you just described my wife". I laughed it off, but within a very short time found Tony Attwood and read about adults and AS. I felt like I was reading about my life, my husband thought so too. But no, at that moment I didn't just stop and assume I was on the spectrum, it's been 9 years of reading and reading and thinking back where I am pretty convinced I am on the spectrum. Here are some things about my life:

I was considered a problem child, one who wouldn't listen, one who would get extremely angry...that was my parent's view.
Here are some reasons for that...

Most days I would complain, pull at my clothes, shoes, socks, etc. because most clothing bothered me. My sister was dressed exactly the same and never complained.

Most pictures of me when I was little, I was sad or teary eyed, as most of the time a battle ensued with my mom previously because I would complain and mess with my clothes or because she would tell me to look at the camera and smile and although I though I was smiling, she didn't think I really was.

Ever since I can remember my mom would give me a pill called Donatal (no idea the English name), because she said I had a nervous stomach...i.e. I had major anxiety many days which caused me lots of stomach issues.

In kindergarten I was constantly in trouble for biting a kid because it would get on my nerves that they were always trying to touch me or be too close.

Playing with neighborhood girls, we always ended up fighting when attemtping any pretend play such as Barbies or playing school because I never knew what to say. Unless they asked me a question, then I answered, but I had no idea how to keep a pretend conversation going.

I was a night owl ever since I can remember and my mind would not stop thinking...most nights I would get in trouble because I would stay awake as my mind would not stop.

I was always very advanced in math, although I hated school.

At age 7, my grandfather would practice certain words with me constantly because I had some speech issues. He was also constantly teaching me to tie my shoes because I just couldn't do it.

All through school I had horrendous handwriting.

In 4th grade I was put in special ed for a few weeks or so, I can't remember, but I remember wondering what I was doing there. I still remember the kid that would sit next to me in the cafeteria...he was non-verbal, very cute and rocked back and forth the entire time we ate lunch. I was later pulled out of that class and put in some advanced/individualized classes for some subjects and regular classes for others.

I remember how hard it was for me to study for a test as I remembered everything, every detail and could not ever get a main idea or figure out what was most important to study, highlight, etc. To me, everything was important.

I mostly had boy friends, but I had a very rough time having girl friends...I didn't really understand them.

This was pretty much the same throughout school.

Then I got a job. I had no college degree but worked my way up to be a systems analyst and was doing extremely well. Everyone was in awe of me, although I always felt that I wasn't that great, that what I did was just normal stuff.

My work reviews? Great attention to detail, needs to work on communication skills. Excellent analytical ability, is able to analyze things and come up with creative ideas quickly, needs to work on communication skills. Quick learner, is able to work on her own very well, great work ethic, needs to work on teamwork and communication skills...and on and on and on for almost 20 years. Of course, after some meetings it was my boss saying "X said that while he was talking, you weren't looking at him and not paying attention, why?" "Y said that while at the meeting, you were very angry and serious, why?" "Z is angry because while he talked you were smiling"...Yes, you are right, I could never win.

In love? lol I had numerous guy friends over the years, to me they were my friends, nothing more. I had plenty of good friends who would say to me from high school up until my 30s, "wow, for such a smart girl, you can never tell when a guy likes you...such and such is there almost begging you to go out and you have no clue, even a gay guy said he'd almost date you if he wasn't gay and you didn't get it..." Story of my love life. Many missed opportunities with great guys whom I considered amazing guys because I had NO CLUE they liked me, even when we would go out, because they never came out and told me "I love you or similar", I had no clue they liked me, I thought they just liked me as a friend.

Jokes? lol Way too many people from school up until now make fun of me because I am usually the last one to get the joke or I don't get it at all.

Naive? Yes. Quite a few people have told me "wow, you really don't see the bad in people, you think everyone is just good...such and such friend of yours is only your friend to get ahead, she uses you and you can't see it..." Yes, I had many people say this to me over the years over more than one girlfriend and I really could not see it at all.

Then there are the special interests and many other things. Sensory stuff is, especially smell and hearing are getting really bad. Touching? I could never understand girls who would practically make out with guys just about anywhere or where constantly touching their boyfriend, etc. and now I see that I am the one who is strange. I don't mind being touched sometimes, but not most of the time. I try really hard, but it makes me uncomfortable most times. I had no clue there was anything wrong with that.

And then there is much more, that's just off the top of my head stuff.

By the way, I have a huge list of things that I have been writing over the years as I think back on my life and things which to me were "normal", I have been finding out where not that normal after all .

I always sensed that I didn't quite fit in with the other kids at school. I felt uncomfortable and anxious around them and never knew why. In elementary school, I thought it was because I was dumb, in middle and high school when my grades started to rapidly improve, I thought it was because I was smarter than the other kids, and just not into that "peer pressure stuff", not realising that my abnormal behaviour went beyond just not trying to fit in. It wasn't until I was seventeen that my mother finally answered my question, "why am I so different?" with "I think you probably have Asperger's." Several months of denial later, I finally started looking into it, and found that my life suddenly made a lot more sense. I was subsequently diagnosed about four years after my initial introduction to the term autism.

Yes I have, Yes it is and no, not really.

When I was at school there was no assessment for, or diagnosis of AS. Once you are an adult you are basically on your own and I still struggle with everyday stuff, there is no support available and I would not want someone poking around in my life at 45.

I'm still not sure whether or not a professional would diagnose me on the spectrum. The first time I have even heard of AS was when my ex-girlfriend told me that she thinks I may be 'it'. This happened after she watched the movie Adam. I didn't give it that much attention at that point because of the huge disparity in Adam's behaviour and mine. I was always aware that I am a bit odd, but I always thought that people come in all shapes and sizes (mentally). After reading up on the forums and researching the articles regarding the process of diagnosing, I started noticing an increasing number of symptoms that I really do exhibit, but I just never thought of them as such. My ears and eyes are pretty sensitive and as a result I have tinnitus and rarely go anywhere without my sunglasses. So yeah, I'm pretty high-functioning (probably due to a high IQ), but at the same time I am really socially awkward, show a severe lack of empathy and I do tend to fall into a bit of a rut with my eating habits (and am VERY selective of what I eat and when).

On top of that I had passed all of the standard screening tests with flying colours.

I have suspected being a sociopath/psychopath, but I just have an innate feeling of wanting to help everyone with everything, so I guess that one is far less likely than AS.

It is very likely that I would visit a professional, but there really are no experts for diagnosing AS in adults around here. The diagnosis itself would be of no practical use to me, other than satisfying my curiosity. It would not make or break my life, it's just that I find that knowing is always better than guessing.

My "self-diagnosis" had been a long time coming. When I was in college as an undergrad, I was an education major. I came across a few articles in my professional journals about autism. I saw myself in about half of the characteristics, which I thought was odd. But I did not think I had autism, partly because I mistakenly thoughts someone had to show ALL the characteristics on the list.

Fast forward several years, and I had a son. He was a very odd child, and I kept wondering if I needed to get him tested for Autism, but he kept improving little by little and never had a speech delay, so I never did get him tested. A couple of years later, when he was 4 or 5, someone suggested he might have Aspergers. I blew it off. My son is incredibly intelligent, and I thought he was just "gifted." Again, based on all the articles I read in professional journals. (It turns out that about half of the characteristics of "gifted" also are on the list of "autistic." Hmmmm...where does one end, and one begin?)

Fast forward a few more years to when I am 35. I still can't keep my house clean. I still can't remember appointments. I am so frustrated with myself that no matter what I do to try and improve some of my organizational skills, I am failing. One day, I said to myself "I am really smart. If this was a matter of being able to learn something, I should have mastered this long ago. Something else must be going on."

I started researching online and learned about executive functioning problems. From there, I came across more lists of ASD characteristics. *THIS* time, I found lists that pertained to females and the pieces fell into place.

Looking back, here's how I know I am right.

My mother complained to me for as long as I can remember that I would not snuggle as an infant.
Intense interests
Odd collections
Few friends despite wanting them.
I would go through long stretches without any, and when I had friends it would be just 1 or 2.
No long-lasting friendships
Not understanding humor
Talking incessantly about my interests
Being called weird
Being excluded from group activities
Making friends mostly with other "outcasts"
In general being "not with the program" and in my own world
Stimming - sucking my thumb until I was 6 and scared out of it by an orthodontist. Spinning. Bouncing my knee
Hyperensitivity to touch, light, noise
Hyposensitivity to pain
Not knowing how loud I talk, not knowing my own strength
Constantly asked "You are so smart, why can't you get this?"
Constantly asked "Why do you have to be so serious?"
Turning in A papers that were crumpled from being at the bottom of my chaotic backpack
Executive functioning problems.
Forgetting *everything*. I am extremely absent-minded.
Forgot my lunch, my books, my instruments.
Locked myself out of my car and out of the house
Easily overwhelmed and have a hard time starting projects (not from procrastination)
Problems using the phone
Meltdowns from stress that other people seem to handle OK.
"Savant" ability when it comes to certain aspects of music
Ability to hyperfocus
Can't recognize faces - can't even keep track of actors in a movie
Etc.

When I look at the complete package which is me, AS/HFA is the only thing that explains everything.

At this point in time, I am not going to seek a diagnosis. I don't have the money to go after something when I don't really need outside support. I *do* have support. My husband. He is a great guy and puts up with all my quirks. We have set up a life for ourselves that works for us. My EF problems are probably the worst thing I have to deal with right now, and he covers my failings A LOT. If I didn't have him, I'd need some outside help. But for now, I'm getting along fine.

Socially, I've gotten a lot better. I still don't have many friends because it seems I have to meet 200 people to find one person who *might* be a good match and then it takes time for that to develop. But, I can talk with people and socialize OK. I am generally liked now, which is much better than it used to be.

Wow, I see myself in the replies. I am lucky. My parents gave me a good education and a head start in life. Being good with mathematics, computers, finance and data provided me with a career. About ten years ago, there was a story on CNBC about Asperger's. A light went on in my head. This could explain things.

Relationships never went anywhere. Friends came and went. There was never any real emotional connection with other people. Social situations scared me half to death. Activities were fine, but hanging out, no. Small social mistakes seemed to escalate out of control. Leaving me alone, isolated and unhappy.

Then there is the sensory overload. Always, too much, causing me to shutdown. I needed space, quiet and a routine. My face got me into endless trouble. Expressing emotions that were not there. And sometimes, expressing too much.

Multitasking, switching tasks, being interrupted drives me nuts. Would getting a diagnosis help at my age? I really do not know. Twenty years ago, yes, I think it would have helped.

I first heard the term about 4 years ago when I saw an article that mentioned how many high IQ Engineers have it. As my brother is one of those, I curiously started reading all about it thinking it was something he had. Previously, I spent my whole life wondering why I was "off" and while I had traits of ADHD, OCD and Depression nothing really resonated with me. ALL my school reports (from two different provinces) said that I was an excellent student but I needed to pay attention and teachers used to try to 'catch' me all the time even though I always knew the answer, sometimes even lecturing the teacher if it was Geography or Astronomy.

After reading the article, I was utterly speechless! It was like someone wrote my autobiography and described my whole life in detail, right down to how I refused to eat foods that touched each other! I literally have all the symptoms: utterly obsessive interests, being called weird, taking everything literally, bullied and teased from Kindergarten on, socially naive, no friends despite being a friendly likable person, ridiculously good memory, difficulty recognizing faces at first, hypersensitivity (especially visual in a family of blind bats), struggling starting chores/projects, called arrogant/cocky and having no idea why, eating the same bland foods over and over, HORRIBLE handwriting, honour roll student despite hating school, terrible (zero) luck with women until recently etc, etc, etc

I had to learn more so I booked an appointment with my Doctor. He is an arrogant know it all who is usually dismissive of everything but he actually recommended further action. One thing led to another and I eventually found a counselor who told me that it was 'highly likely' I would meet the criteria. It will cost way too much money to tell me something I already know at this point but I am obsessed with knowing for sure.

I did once privately ask a coworker who once specialized in treating children with disabilities. Her response? She laughed and said 'you are probably the last person here to figure THAT out!' I also did the online screening test and scored off the charts with it. Even being 'self diagnosed' how much more proof do I need?

Oh, and did I mention that I was right about what my mother had (extremely rare genetic abnormality) when 10 different specialists all missed it and misdiagnosed her? It's not like I just spent five minutes on YouTube and suddenly call myself an expert.

In terms of romantic cues, I know because
* I was 28 before I had my first date, 30 before my first (crazy) girlfriend
* I am 6'6", athletic and married women have repeatedly told me I am quite attractive
* As a soon to be married man myself, I have learned a lot about women and their subtleties. I now see women showing interest in me almost every day. I am kicking myself know for being so blind!
* At 19, a woman invited me to her hotel room and I was so nervous I thought she wanted to rob me. Never even crossed my mind she was into me.
* At 21, my own naive, clueless father told me "what's wrong with you? She is BEGGING you to ask her out!" I never did and never caught on despite the fact we talked for hours. I assumed she wasn't into me when she probably gave up hope.

That, ladies and gentlemen is what a clueless Aspie looks like!!

Last edited by GiantHockeyFan on 08 Dec 2015, 8:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

My mom has told me I have aspergers, but I wasn't really sure. So this school year, I noticed some of the traits. Poor eye contact and iniciating conversations, talking to my self (not really if that's a trait or not), and hypersensitivity to hearing.

Well, when I first self-dxed (around 13-14 years old), I didn't think a diagnosis was worth the bother because I was being homeschooled and we were already using AS strategies to help me do well.

When I went to high school for grade 10, I got the official diagnosis because I was struggling. I was getting assessed through the school but it was taking ages, and then we sought out a counselor for my PTSD (which had been diagnosed since I was 6 years old) and during the intake assessment they diagnosed me with PDD NOS.

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/dont- ... -accident/
Surprisingly useful page on photography--ton of info on one page!

I think that investing in better camera equipment to take your dating site photo would be a much better choice than getting a diagnosis for many older Aspies. If you are old you don't want direct flash to make you look older!