What do People not Understand About You?

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zkydz
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24 Jan 2016, 9:46 pm

1) I wish people would understand that it is not a incongruity that I can do difficult things easily but struggle with the most simple things they take fro granted every day.<------Edit: Like, apparently not being able to spell......

2) That when I appear to be somewhere else, I am usually working on the problem at hand (When in a work situation)

3) When I'm in the middle of something, it's really disrupting to have to break that chain of thought. It takes forever to recover.

4) That when I tell someone that something makes me uncomfortable, don't minimize it.

5) When I am getting agitated it is usually the result of over-stimulation and I too am panicking.

6) Don't assume that I'm as together as you think I am. I'm not a spring waiting to sproing. I just have a great facade for some reason. I was told one week after attempting suicide that they couldn't believe I should be there because I seemed so 'together'. I will push myself to the brink and just collapse. Up until that point, I seem to be normal as it applies to me.

7) Had it pounded into me when I was young to look people in the eyes because that was 'honest'. Well, drives me bonkers because I flip from that conditioning to discomfort at an escalating rate and it too leads to becoming overwhelmed.

8 ) If I appear to be disconnected during our conversations, don't take it personally. It really isn't you.

Maybe more.......

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Diagnosed April 14, 2016
ASD Level 1 without intellectual impairments.

RAADS-R -- 213.3
FQ -- 18.7
EQ -- 13
Aspie Quiz -- 186 out of 200
AQ: 42
AQ-10: 8.8

Last edited by zkydz on 25 Jan 2016, 12:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

nerdygirl
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24 Jan 2016, 11:18 pm

zkydz wrote:

1) I wish people would understand that it is not a incongruity that I can do difficult things easily but struggle with the most simple things they take fro granted every day.

2) That when I appear to be somewhere else, I am usually working on the problem at hand (When in a work situation)

3) When I'm in the middle of something, it's really disrupting to have to break that chain of thought. It takes forever to recover.

4) That when I tell someone that something makes me uncomfortable, don't minimize it.

5) When I am getting agitated it is usually the result of over-stimulation and I too am panicking.

6) Don't assume that I'm as together as you think I am. I'm not a spring waiting to sproing. I just have a great facade for some reason. I was told one week after attempting suicide that they couldn't believe I should be there because I seemed so 'together'. I will push myself to the brink and just collapse. Up until that point, I seem to be normal as it applies to me.

7) Had it pounded into me when I was young to look people in the eyes because that was 'honest'. Well, drives me bonkers because I flip from that conditioning to discomfort at an escalating rate and it too leads to becoming overwhelmed.

8 ) If I appear to be disconnected during our conversations, don't take it personally. It really isn't you.

Maybe more.......

#4 and #6 are connected to something I have learned about myself and people don't understand (though my husband and kids do now that we have all learned this.)

By the time I mention that something is a problem, it is already at level 8 out of 10 on the urgency scale (10 being something that needs *immediate* attention!)

It takes a lot for me to speak up. It may look like I am tolerating everything OK, but it is not because I am not bothered. It's only that I either am unable to express myself or that I am unable to understand what I am feeling. But by the time my expression matches up to what is going on, it's already extreme. It looks like I just blow up or panic or get hurt, etc. out of nowhere. But that's not what's going on.

To go with this, I have also learned I have this same problem regarding being sick or in pain. For some reason, the mild stuff just doesn't register right, and by the time I am complaining about symptoms I am very sick or very much in pain.

zkydz
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25 Jan 2016, 12:13 am

continued.....

9) When I'm being calm and just doing the work when there is a crisis going on, I am just focused. I am not ignoring the severity of the problem. I am just trying to get it solved and when I get into that zone, I am really not paying attention around me.

Actually had a boss one time pull me into his office and harangue me for not being 'excited enough' when one of his biggest client's jobs was going haywire. Told me that I didn't show proper concern over the client's needs. I could not respond at all.

But, the client told me when I handed the job in to her twenty minutes early, that she was glad I took over. She said he made her nervous and afraid the job would not get done. Got a really nice tip too. Completely surprised me. I could not respond at all.

Which brings me to....
10) If I don't respond appropriately, I really don't mean anything by it. I just generally don't know how.

11) And when I try to respond, at least know that I am trying to not mess it up, even though I probably will....

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ASD Level 1 without intellectual impairments.

RAADS-R -- 213.3
FQ -- 18.7
EQ -- 13
Aspie Quiz -- 186 out of 200
AQ: 42
AQ-10: 8.8

Yigeren
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25 Jan 2016, 12:22 am

StarTrekker wrote:

(this post is meant to be attached to the text I quoted above, but Captcha is being a pain in the butt)

I relate to so many things on this list. I really hate it when people dismiss my explanations for my behaviour or when I ask them not to do something (such as touch me, or talk to me when I'm trying to de-stress). It feels very much like they don't see me as a real person, or that they just don't care that my needs are different from theirs, and that angers me a lot. My parents often think I put things off out of laziness, but they have no idea of the tremendous anxiety I feel over so many things, and when I try to explain it, they either think I'm exaggerating, or they blow right over it with at, "well that's really easy to fix, you just... [insert unhelpful, ineffective advice here]". I hate the instinctive dishonesty people seem to have developed as a means of preserving social niceties. My sister is always explaining my behaviour to her friends, or snapping at me to "stop being so stupid/weird" and yet when I ask her if she's embarrassed by me, she always says no. I just want her to tell me what she really feels for pity's sake because I can't tell otherwise because I have autism! It's what that means!

Many of my family members feel the same way about me as far as being lazy or weird. I'm older now and out of the house, but I know that I'm talked about, and not in a nice way.

The part about people not telling what they really think is another one that bothers me, also. It's like that in order to get an honest or direct answer out of someone, I have to practically drag it out of them. I don't think they realize that I actually don't understand, and think that maybe I'm pretending to be confused.

Lately since I found out I had autism, I've been trying to ask people I know what symptoms or oddities they notice and it's been incredibly difficult to get any real answers. I can't tell what I'm doing wrong, just that I know that I am doing something wrong, and without help I am not going to be able to figure it out.

C2V
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25 Jan 2016, 12:35 am

Quote:

9) When I'm being calm and just doing the work when there is a crisis going on, I am just focused. I am not ignoring the severity of the problem. I am just trying to get it solved and when I get into that zone, I am really not paying attention around me.

Actually had a boss one time pull me into his office and harangue me for not being 'excited enough' when one of his biggest client's jobs was going haywire. Told me that I didn't show proper concern over the client's needs. I could not respond at all.

But, the client told me when I handed the job in to her twenty minutes early, that she was glad I took over. She said he made her nervous and afraid the job would not get done. Got a really nice tip too. Completely surprised me. I could not respond at all.

Which brings me to....
10) If I don't respond appropriately, I really don't mean anything by it. I just generally don't know how.

11) And when I try to respond, at least know that I am trying to not mess it up, even though I probably will...

I get this at job interviews. Because I am calm and uniformly equitable, I get accused of being "disinterested" even though there is plenty of evidence to the contrary.
What people don't see to understand about me is that I am NOT an open book. Maybe I'm prejudice because I dislike the whole craze but with people posting everything in their lives on things like Facebook, they expect everyone else to be similarly open about everything. They don't understand that with me, this is not the case, and even seemingly everyday things can be no-go zones with me where it is completely inappropriate to be discussing this, the way it would be inappropriate discussing your colonoscopy over dinner. Most of the time I will make this known, and pushing me repeatedly on it will not make me "loosen up" or "come around," it will just make me uncomfortable and even more reserved than before. With the amount neurotypical people complain about autistics not knowing what is appropriate socially and what is not, I get an alarming number of people having zero sensitivity about personal privacy with me at all.
Edited - I hate autocorrect!! !

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zzaspergerzz
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25 Jan 2016, 12:41 am

People don't understand that my Autism sometimes doesn't look like Autism.

People have very stereotypical ideas of what Asperger's or Autism is supposed to "look like"...

The surface social skills that I've learned over the years have caused me more grief than if I'd never, ever picked up a book on body language.

So instead of people seeing me as someone that is very obviously "different" (like a severely autistic child), they now are put off but they don't know why.

It is a curse....

I can feel it, and it hurts!!

EzraS
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25 Jan 2016, 2:15 am

StarTrekker wrote:

Aspies have a lot of symptoms which can seem odd or confusing to NTs who don't know much about autism, or who know less than they think they do. My friend and family don't really understand the severity of my sensory problems; they assume I'm being overdramatic or trying to "milk my autism" when I react adversely. It drives me crazy because they have no idea what it's like inside my head, but they make me feel so invalidated and like maybe I really am crazy or overreacting. What about you? What do people not understand about your autism? Things you wish they could step into your shoes to experience first hand?

C2V
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25 Jan 2016, 6:00 am

Quote:

People don't understand that my Autism sometimes doesn't look like Autism.

People have very stereotypical ideas of what Asperger's or Autism is supposed to "look like"...

The surface social skills that I've learned over the years have caused me more grief than if I'd never, ever picked up a book on body language.

So instead of people seeing me as someone that is very obviously "different" (like a severely autistic child), they now are put off but they don't know why.

It is a curse....

I can feel it, and it hurts!!

Ugh, +1. You should check out the 'Silly Reasons People Doubted Your Autism' thread, lots of this there.

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GiantHockeyFan
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25 Jan 2016, 7:47 am

zzaspergerzz wrote:

That's the crack I fall into. Too "normal" to be weird and too "weird" to be normal. I know enough to pass as "normal" and I am relatively mild compared to the stereotype, so it's not like there is something obviously off about me.

zkydz
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25 Jan 2016, 7:58 am

C2V wrote:

This is a double edged situation here. Socially, I completely agree. They all think it's ok to do that (Post every little thing) and even strange if you don't go so far as to post pictures of every meal and comment every fart.

The other side of the edge is that in certain circumstances, we are too honest. People hide things all the time. "Everybody lies." is the term flouted by House. But it's true. Even the nicest person will tell white lies about themselves. So, when we are too honest and toss out all the information freely, they wonder what you're hiding in reserve.

At least that has happened to me. Sometimes, I just can't stop my mouth from disclosing too much.

C2V wrote:

They don't understand that with me, this is not the case, and even seemingly everyday things can be no-go zones with me where it is completely inappropriate to be discussing this, the way it would be inappropriate discussing your colonoscopy over dinner. Most of the time I will make this known, and pushing me repeatedly on it will not make me "loosen up" or "come around," it will just make me uncomfortable and even more reserved than before.

Yeah, I have a bit of a problem with this too....what is it with the "It's good for me, but not for thee" mentality these days? If I do not want to discuss the color of the sky, then I should be able to not discuss the color of the sky, without argument or pushback. Why is that a problem? And, when confronted with this I will either start the withdrawal process or just get really ticked off. And, not too pleasant about it. I think with me it's that at my age, I don't like some snot nosed kid telling me what is appropriate while not being able to see their hypocrisy.

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Diagnosed April 14, 2016
ASD Level 1 without intellectual impairments.

RAADS-R -- 213.3
FQ -- 18.7
EQ -- 13
Aspie Quiz -- 186 out of 200
AQ: 42
AQ-10: 8.8

Last edited by zkydz on 25 Jan 2016, 8:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

GGPViper
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25 Jan 2016, 8:15 am

- That social situations are mentally exhausting - and not mentally invigorating - for me.

- That I mean what I say and say what I mean.

- That I just want to be left alone.

dianthus
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25 Jan 2016, 9:07 am

C2V wrote:

What people don't see to understand about me is that I am NOT an open book. Maybe I'm prejudice because I dislike the whole craze but with people posting everything in their lives on things like Facebook, they expect everyone else to be similarly open about everything. They don't understand that with me, this is not the case, and even seemingly everyday things can be no-go zones with me where it is completely inappropriate to be discussing this, the way it would be inappropriate discussing your colonoscopy over dinner. Most of the time I will make this known, and pushing me repeatedly on it will not make me "loosen up" or "come around," it will just make me uncomfortable and even more reserved than before. With the amount neurotypical people complain about autistics not knowing what is appropriate socially and what is not, I get an alarming number of people having zero sensitivity about personal privacy with me at all.

Same for me. People ask way too many nosy questions and some seem to think if they keep prodding that I'll "open up" and just tell them everything about myself. And most annoying is when they judge it like it means there must be something wrong with me - actually, no, it's their own lack of respect that is the problem.

I've known people who would say that there's no reason to have boundaries about anything, that it's better to be open about everything at all times. I have learned to stay far away from people like that because they can act almost like it's their mission in life to tear down other people's boundaries.

kraftiekortie
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25 Jan 2016, 9:09 am

There are just some things that aren't anybody else's business.

zkydz
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25 Jan 2016, 9:14 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

There are just some things that aren't anybody else's business.

I agree. What I don't understand is why some people are offended when you don't want to give them what they want. I've had people try to turn it back on me by way of some twist of language. There are some things I will not discuss in public because I've seen what can happen. Religion and politics is two of them.

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ASD Level 1 without intellectual impairments.

RAADS-R -- 213.3
FQ -- 18.7
EQ -- 13
Aspie Quiz -- 186 out of 200
AQ: 42
AQ-10: 8.8

Knofskia
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25 Jan 2016, 9:18 am

Knofskia wrote:

Something that people do not understand about me (that has not been mentioned yet) is that things should really not be moved. My ability to scan my environment is horrible and laborious. I depend on my memory for where things are and where I am in the process of interacting with them. For example, I know where each of my dishes are, and that my bowl, spoon, and cup are drying and need to be put away. If I find out that this is not the case, it would take a lot of investigative work to find.

Something that people do not understand about me (that I have not mentioned yet) is that nothing is automatic for me. I have to put conscious effort into any and every task. Trying to complete my morning routine is not easy, because it is really not routine. It is as if I am trying to figure out complicated mathematical formulas first thing in the morning, every morning. By the time I am finished, I have no more mental energy left to do work or something else productive.

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25 Jan 2016, 9:26 am

People often don't understand about my sensory issues and that I'm not a social creature by nature. They also don't understand when I want to lecture for hours about mythology and spirituality and things that I like.
Me: *meandering on about chakras and reiki and spirits*
Them: *What are you talking about?* acts all skeptical and doubtful

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A memory is something that has to be consciously recalled, right? That's why sometimes it can be mistaken and a different thing. But it's different from a memory locked deep within your heart. Words aren't the only way to tell someone how you feel.” Tifa Lockheart, Final Fantasy VII

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