06 Feb 2016, 8:28 am
Redrobin, I am aware of the dangerously ironic nature of the subject line. 
06 Feb 2016, 11:25 am
Ardentmisanthrope23 wrote:
And that's perfectly reasonable. As a coping strategy, if you are under stress, I would say you have to protect yourself. It's really hard to explain that to non-autistics, sometimes. I am a good communicator technically, and they end up thinking I am just making excuses for being rude, when I feel the way you mentioned.
Yep. They seem to take a strong integration ethic for granted. They'll tolerate family members (even rather distant ones) and friends-of-friends who have appalling character flaws, as if shunning was an aggressive act. They consider a hermit a jerk for not breaking bread with them, yet they're not grateful to be rid of the jerk.
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Being high functioning can mean they don't really comprehend that you look at things differently.
Yes we resemble them closely in so many respects that it can be a real shock for them to find out that we don't share all of their core values.
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But in a written context I think, although we may still make some errors due to our condition, in this format we come across far more truly as ourselves, and personal attitudes that are not the autism, but just being, frankly, a jerk, do reveal themselves.
I agree that our social skills are generally stronger in the written context where we have time to choose our words carefully, and that it's fair to expect a better social performance. But even then I don't think it's easy to judge whether or not a piece of annoying behaviour was beyond a person's control.
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I know, I have been at times....I was immensely tactless a while back to someone on here I was trying to help. that wasn't aspergers, just f***ing stupid 
But you said it yourself, you were trying to help, and to be an Aspie is to be socially "stupid" in some ways.
10 Feb 2016, 3:02 am
BirdInFlight wrote:
Regarding things that can be called "being a jerk" -- I don't care if I'm being a jerk because the times I'm "being a jerk" to anyone on here is usually because they've been a jerk to me first, and I'm dishing back what I've been given.
There are jerks on here who start the jerkdom and I'm not going to just lay down and take it from those a-holes.
And I honestly don't give a flying F if people think I'm a jerk -- because I know that that's not the only thing I am.
Nobody is ever really one thing.
I'm also a really nice, good person. But I'm not afraid to dish out the jerkness if someone's been an a-hole to me.
There's nothing wrong with that and I don't care for pollyanna tippy-toe people who think you have to ALWAYS be nicey-nice.
I'm nice when there's a reason to be. But I'm not going to stand there and be nice anymore if there's not a reason.
As for actual judging of qualities, traits etc -- there are people here who harshly judge other for things like being "too high functioning." People here accuse other all the time of not being autistic, skeptical about their diagnosis etc.
Or judging others for not working or being able to work. None of that stuff is ANYONE's business and they don't know the true capabilities or inabilities of anyone here without knowing them well, and even then nobody knows what's going on inside someone.
There are jerks on here who start the jerkdom and I'm not going to just lay down and take it from those a-holes.
And I honestly don't give a flying F if people think I'm a jerk -- because I know that that's not the only thing I am.
Nobody is ever really one thing.
I'm also a really nice, good person. But I'm not afraid to dish out the jerkness if someone's been an a-hole to me.
There's nothing wrong with that and I don't care for pollyanna tippy-toe people who think you have to ALWAYS be nicey-nice.
I'm nice when there's a reason to be. But I'm not going to stand there and be nice anymore if there's not a reason.
As for actual judging of qualities, traits etc -- there are people here who harshly judge other for things like being "too high functioning." People here accuse other all the time of not being autistic, skeptical about their diagnosis etc.
Or judging others for not working or being able to work. None of that stuff is ANYONE's business and they don't know the true capabilities or inabilities of anyone here without knowing them well, and even then nobody knows what's going on inside someone.
This is the reason why (in some sort of nutshell) I'm working on counteracting negativity on the internet any way I can. If I just lived in datacenters & labs for all my days I'd immediately lose my mind. I work on what I love; the only priority ahead of that is people. I work to give everyone new ways of building technologies the ways I've learned to. Working long hours in computing can mean lots of strain, I just do what I can to continue my research & share what I learn with people I know. I think I certainly can judge people, it's just always an ongoing process though. Circumstantial judgment keeps my basic understanding of humanity intact.
_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos
10 Feb 2016, 3:19 am
10 Feb 2016, 3:35 am
That really makes me wonder about the relative comparison of just how much each of us know about our own minds. It's powerful to know myself in some ways and yet like anyone I'm subject to the dangerous allure of trial & error. Perhaps I should be quantifying my mind more scientifically, perhaps I should keep to my thought experiments & view myself as an experimental control. Any immediate course of action connotes a need to arrange others' terms of social demarcation in a way that shows respect for life, in as much as that same set of necessities involves confronting fear in any possible way before it causes real harm.
_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos
