Eye Contact

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10 Feb 2016, 1:58 am

when i was younger, about 13 (before my diagnoses) my dad pulled me aside and told me that if i want to make friends I must make eye contact, i didn't understand, i thought i was making eye contact and he said "no, you barely even face a person when they talk". i really didn't get it, i thought about it for a while and finally figured it out.

When i look at a person in the face while talking; i cant understand a word they're saying. When having a conversation with a person i just "turn off my eyes" i call it, i just focus on imagining what they're saying and painting a picture in my head. This is part of my low verbal I.Q i guess and my inability to multi-task, i hear of a lot of people on the spectrum having this problem.

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InsomniaGrl
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10 Feb 2016, 6:19 am

Thats an interesting description, i can see how eye contact would be so distracting. Maybe its not so much to do with low verbal IQ? I just feel the IQ thing can be a little unfair when categorising people. As someone who is dyslexic, i have always avoided thinking too much about IQ results.

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10 Feb 2016, 6:22 am

Unfortunate_Aspie_ wrote:

I thought NTs cared about eye contact so much because they needed it or something. I found out later this is a bit culturally determined. Many people in other cultures don't make eye contact as much as westerners do because it is considered intimidating.

Intimidation. A sign of defiance. Confrontation. Or asserting of dominance. Some are even consider it intimate (Not love-struck intimate, more like catcalling or being a sign of a sexual predator as an equivalence). That so far as I could tell in some.

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10 Feb 2016, 6:30 am

ZombieBrideXD wrote:

I have this same problem. But I have a very high verbal IQ. I was told I could have an auditory processing disorder. I told my therapist I have to focus only on the conversation, or I only hear about 50 percent (at most). Same if I'm the one doing the talking. I lose my train of thought.

Eyes are very intense for me to look at, and trying to process the intensity, along with thinking about their facial expressions, takes up too much of my attention, and I just don't understand what they're saying.

I can usually make very brief eye contact, and do ok, but not with a complicated conversation.

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10 Feb 2016, 7:49 am

I don't make eye contact naturally (just don't think to do it), in fact for the longest time I didn't even know I didn't make "eye contact" because I didn't know what that meant. Now if I make eye contact, I have to concentrate on it by continually reminding myself to keep doing it, and doing that takes away from my concentration on the conversation. I still can't talk and make eye contact simultaneously, although I can sort-of listen and make eye contact (or at least _appear_ to be listening) after a lot of practise. It is kind of uncomfortable for me too, but mostly just really hard to do...

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10 Feb 2016, 8:57 am

Kinda got the eye contact thing drummed into me by my stepfather when young. What happened is that I developed a very uncomfortable 'stare'. And, if something catches my eye on another person, I have been 'caught' staring.

It's just uncomfortable. No pain or anything. But if I look elsewhere in conversation, it is easier for me. That is all I can say.

I had a lot of 'social conventions' pounded into me at varying levels of success when I was young.

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AsahiPto17
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10 Feb 2016, 6:04 pm

I usually have a hard time with eye contact with random people, I try to avoid looking at people's eyes a lot, unless they are talking to me. If I'm talking to someone I look at their eyes sometimes, but still tend to avoid it. I do not really have a problem with eye contact with people I'm comfortable with though.

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10 Feb 2016, 8:07 pm

I don't have much problem in this area unless I'm looking at a cute guy. :mrgreen:

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10 Feb 2016, 9:07 pm

zkydz wrote:

Yep I do this a lot lol. I get "caught" staring quite often... :lol:

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10 Feb 2016, 9:10 pm

Edna3362 wrote:

Unfortunate_Aspie_ wrote:

Ohh! I remember when I first learned that idea of a stare being intimate! That weirded me out! I was like- what?! Since when?? WHY??

I was so baffled by that idea. I understand it now though.

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10 Feb 2016, 9:13 pm

Unfortunate_Aspie_ wrote:

Edna3362 wrote:

Unfortunate_Aspie_ wrote:

Ohh! I remember when I first learned that idea of a stare being intimate! That weirded me out! I was like- what?! Since when?? WHY??

I was so baffled by that idea. I understand it now though.

Ummm...a stare is intimate? Never felt that way and it was never taken that way.......I don't get that.

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10 Feb 2016, 11:40 pm

zkydz wrote:

Unfortunate_Aspie_ wrote:

Edna3362 wrote:

Unfortunate_Aspie_ wrote:

Ohh! I remember when I first learned that idea of a stare being intimate! That weirded me out! I was like- what?! Since when?? WHY??

I was so baffled by that idea. I understand it now though.

Ummm...a stare is intimate? Never felt that way and it was never taken that way.......I don't get that.

Because the meaning or context of eye contact or staring in your culture (either your own, or the society's, or others) is different hence not taken that way.

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10 Feb 2016, 11:46 pm

Edna3362 wrote:

zkydz wrote:

Unfortunate_Aspie_ wrote:

Edna3362 wrote:

Unfortunate_Aspie_ wrote:

Ohh! I remember when I first learned that idea of a stare being intimate! That weirded me out! I was like- what?! Since when?? WHY??

I was so baffled by that idea. I understand it now though.

Ummm...a stare is intimate? Never felt that way and it was never taken that way.......I don't get that.

Because the meaning or context of eye contact or staring in your culture (either your own, or the society's, or others) is different hence not taken that way.

Hmmmmm, so you're saying that eye contact between men and women in Asian cultures is taken as intimate?

It was pounded into me that eye contact was a sign of trustworthiness. Hence the term 'shifty eyed bastard.'

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11 Feb 2016, 12:19 am

zkydz wrote:

Edna3362 wrote:

zkydz wrote:

Unfortunate_Aspie_ wrote:

Edna3362 wrote:

Unfortunate_Aspie_ wrote:

Ohh! I remember when I first learned that idea of a stare being intimate! That weirded me out! I was like- what?! Since when?? WHY??

I was so baffled by that idea. I understand it now though.

Ummm...a stare is intimate? Never felt that way and it was never taken that way.......I don't get that.

Because the meaning or context of eye contact or staring in your culture (either your own, or the society's, or others) is different hence not taken that way.

Not all Asian cultures, and not just in Asian cultures. Different contexts exists in different places.

I wasn't raised to be taught body languages for a funny reason, even if people were forcing me to socialize...

Any context of eye contact never crossed my mind other than a gesture of attention.

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11 Feb 2016, 12:35 am

The problem I have with eye contact is that when I try and make it, a little voice tells me: DONT LOOK THEM IN THE EYES! ITS A BIG NO-NO TO DO THAT. LOOK AWAY. I can't keep eye contact for more than a few seconds.

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11 Feb 2016, 3:17 am

Eye contact makes me uncomfortable & I don't see the point in forcing myself to.

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