Artists attracted to scientists/geeks?

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I think we're referring to different types here. I believe I know what you're describing, and it's more like the type I see myself eventually settling down with, if and when I outgrow my current level of development. These kind of extroverted meditation types--I think of them as "earth-mothers"--tend to give off a very grounded and womanly vibe, whereas the type I was referring to in this thread gives off a much more "girlish" vibe. In fact, possibly the thing I like most about them is that, aside from their intellectual depth, they feel almost like 12-year olds or thereabouts. I know that probably sounds creepy to some, but given that I missed out on the whole adolescent social scene, this is a key thing I'm attracted to.

Also, at this point I don't have much patience for people into new-age stuff. If these quirky-artsy girls are into anything that could be considered "woo" , it's their tendency to smoke weed and occasionally use other psychedelics. Well, I guess also their obsession with alternative bands, but I don't think anyone would call that "woo". But they aren't the typical "party hard" drug users, and they wouldn't drink/smoke whatever just to act stupid--they're more like kids who got to college and realized "you mean I need to DO something with my life other than just be introspective??". It's not that they don't have passions, it's that they have trouble fitting in and need a "hobby" that resonates with their free-association kind of mind.

I think most adult women whether artsy or sciencey or other types want someone to connect with in an adult instead of teenage kind of way, which may be why you didn't find women you liked to be interested in you. A guy explaining how things work in a science way may be fun to listen to sometimes for a girl with intellectual curiosity, but I think it would be a relatively minor part of most relationships, which are more likely built on some personal rapport beyond the knowledge or understanding that the people have of various topics like art or science.

Yeah, I have to agree with this.

Oh sure, personal rapport is important. That's why I said, I think the thing I share with these artsy girls is a feeling of being an impostor in the adult world, of getting to a certain age and people no longer valuing us for our creativity or for just being us, but for what tangible stuff we can do with it. Also, a tendency to sit and think/be introspective. But we come at it from a different angle--me from the side of having a bazillion speculative scientific theories all of which I could never research and actually prove in my lifetime, and them having less organized thoughts and having to fit into a world that is in many ways superficial and "fake". We also bring different strengths to the table--me being able to make complex ideas come alive, and see patterns, and them being innocently starry-eyed and able to find fun in simple pleasures (but appreciate intellect at the same time).

And I don't mean just that I could "explain science" in the sense that I would to a student I'm tutoring in science, I mean "make it come alive" and connect my scientific ideas with her more freeform ideas to create a kind of "synthesis". Like my ability to distill their more nebulous ideas into something that could be programmed on a computer or whatever--there are definitely collaborations out there between coders/math types and artists, particularly in areas like computer graphics. And look at "seaweed"'s post earlier in the thread--there are plenty of other people who are attracted to someone who mentally complements them, as long of course as there is physical attraction there.

Maybe you just need to date someone really young and immature. Most people outgrow that kind of stuff past the early twenties.

I'm immature in my interests and tastes, sense of humor, naive, etc. But I have common sense. And the things you are describing seem to be mostly qualities that young people without common sense possess.

This another reason why I'm hesitant to date geeky types. I consider new age stuff and spirituality an important part of my life. I'm still not sure how important it is to a relationship at the moment. I have a very logical side to my personality, so I can hide the new-agey side of me from people when I need to.

There's an interest article on Scientific American about how the brain is more like a bunch of modules than an actual person. This explains why I'm very spiritual, but I don't have too many problems with math and science. I choose to show the logical side of me on WP because there are some people on this forum who love to debunk any remotely supernatural belief.

I'd rather have my beliefs left alone. I have no patience for people who try to change my beliefs. Maybe I should find ways to filter against people who love to change people's beliefs.

artists often have trouble making a living, so gravitate toward someone who is a good provider. i knew a male artist married to a female doctor and a female artist married to a male doctor.

Mental complement can be a part of a romantic relationship, but your descriptions don't really seem like mental complement to me. It seems like you want to be intellectual driving force, while girl is nebulous and starry-eyed. Some girls may like that, maybe 14-year-olds and some 14-year-olds grew out of that stage already. I know some couples where guy is scientist and girl is artist, but the girl isn't much like your ideal.

It's not the spirituality itself that bothers me, but one of the following two things:
1) Almost everyone I've met who's into what I will call "woo" finds hard to accept that I don't also believe in it.
2) Even much more importantly, they are not only disinterested in science, but think that human scientific and technological progress is inherently a BAD thing. For instance, they think that researching cancer cures is useless and beside the point because some traditional culture must know of an herb that works better than anything humans could ever make. As someone interested in biochemistry, this basically tells me "Your goals are useless". Now, our current pharmaceuticals leave a LOT to be desired, so I understand people not wanting to take them, but that's a reason to understand the science better, not to throw up our hands and say "Science is the problem, Mother Nature is the solution".

If neither of the above (particularly the 2nd one) applies to you, I would probably get along with you just fine.



I agree. This explains how I can be intellectually very advanced, and have an idea of what I want to do with my life, yet socially/emotionally feel like a teenager, and also how I can find the shapes of molecules intensely beautiful as the same time as I try to understand them rationally.



This is true too--I think some of the girls who haven't been attracted to me were attracted to more provider-types.



I agree, I guess I just see "mental" more broadly to include emotional intelligence, spontaneity of thinking, etc. I still see it as complementary if one person is more "leading with the head" and the other "leading with the imagination", as long as the ideas of the less "book-smart" person are still respected, and as long as the "younger-acting" partner still has enough mental maturity to ask "tough questions", not just say things like "wow those stars look cool" or something of that nature. I mean, a writer of fantasy stories isn't mentally vacuous just because he/she doesn't know calculus or quantum mechanics (and still might appreciate someone who can put the ideas of those subjects into a form he/she could understand).

But yes, I do agree that many women my age have outgrown the sort of relationship I'm looking for, and it's a major contributor to my current depression--the dread that I'll never get to experience that.

I agree with you. I really don't think feeling immature is something you can base a relationship on. I think with different people, different things complement or cause incompatibilities.

Since I'm artsy and geeky at the same time I'm not looking for someone who is artsy or geeky to complement me. I'm very introspective. I love to think about things and I often think too much. What would really complement me is someone who does a lot of stuff. Someone that will bring me out of my shell.

Geeky guys tend to be very introspective and stuck as well, so we're not a good match for a relationship. We can still be friends and have interesting conversations.

I pretty much want someone who is artsy and active. Unfortunately I have no idea how to make myself attractive to them.

I agree with you completely on that second sentence. In fact, it's kind of "duh" since this whole thread is about me thinking a certain kind of girl complements me while those same kinds of girls tend to find me incompatible.



Again, I think you're missing the forest for the trees here. I'm the same way--thinking too much and getting bogged down and stuck. But rather than someone who "does a lot of stuff", I'm drawn to people who free-associate more, because that helps me get unstuck. In exchange, I can fill in the details of stuff that they can only see in "fuzzy" terms.

So maybe you need someone who is "active" in the sense of sporty, or in the sense of extroverted, or maybe just who has a busy job. But for me, "active" is having a hyper but less focused mind, and things like what I mentioned about "being able to get out a brush and start painting without caring if it will turn out perfect". What could be better at getting me out of my shell than someone who teaches me to express myself more spontaneously?

1. I used to be like that. I really wished I could prove that woo is real to everyone. I really didn't like skeptic types. I don't hate people that are skeptical, but I still dislike debunkers. Debunkers don't contribute to science and they just debunk stuff for the sake of debunking. I still believe in woo, but I now accept you can't scientifically prove it.
2. I definitely don't want to halt medical research, but I'm still open to alternative medicine. I find that a lot of it reduced my autistic and ADHD traits. I know that's very hard to prove. I often use alternative medicine for stuff that mainstream medicine can't treat.


Are you implying that artsy girls are more immature than nerdy guys?

I know the feeling. I was very depressed during my teen years, so right now I'm trying to experience what I missed. That means I do stuff like dye my hair blue and wear coloful clothes. Unfortunately that's only my appearance. I wish I could actually have more experiences.

I free associate a lot. I still get extremely stuck. My brain can usually fill in the details just fine on its own.
I just don't fill the details in when I have no interest in the details. When that happens I can just talk to someone who is an expert on that topic. I still can't base a relationship on that.


I don't mean sporty or having an active job. I mean someone who is extroverted and has a more full life. At the moment my life is very empty.

I think the two of us are a lot more alike than you give credit for, but that also means that people like us are not compatible with each other (since both of us are looking for complementary people). What we're looking for in this complimentary partner is different for each of us though, in that I'm looking for an introverted but non-sciencey and spontaneous person with youthful traits (whom I can go out and have those teenage experiences with), while you look for an extroverted person with a full life, who is already having lots of experiences even without you. I don't know how much our difference in this regard has to do with our life experiences, and how much with our innate personalities, but it doesn't really matter.

I have noticed that nearly every artsy person who responded in this thread is also at the same time geeky--I was hoping that at least some artsy types "without a geeky bone in their body", so to speak, would chime in and say whether they find geeky/sciencey types romantically attractive because of the opposite thinking styles. I guess it's kind of a lost hope to find those kind of people on an aspie board like this though, even though I was under the impression that not all aspies are geeky by any means.

I am responding about the "woo" stuff, as well as the thing about whether artsy types are less mature, in a PM to you (a different one than the one I sent earlier) since that part is getting off-topic and I don't want to drag this thread any more off-topic to discuss that here. I prefer PMs for lengthy off-topic discussions.

You've FOUND ONE!!

I'm a new age hippy hipster artistic guy, not nerdy or geeky really at all, but am friends with those types and share their interests slightly (e.g. I'm not personally interested in anime but my friend is and I watch it with him, just like how I'm not much of a gamer but do play Halo with him).

I am male, but I am very much so attracted to nerdy, geeky type girls.

Not the trendy kind though that like young adult fiction books, superhero comics/movies, sci-fi, etc. but an actual NERD girl with obscure interests, interests in the sciences, etc.

I can be friends with geeky girls into all that popular stuff (anime, gaming, etc.) but not interested in dating them.

Honestly, this is an interesting debate I've ben thinking about myself for a long time even before this thread was opened.

I think nerds and artistic types, really, they go together quite well in many ways, but not always...

She was jealous! Go and blow new life into your interest!