Un-learning Asperger

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I was told that I was actually quite normal, even social, before I began kindergarten. I still don't know if my difficulties were actually due to Asperger's or starting school in a different language. I quickly learned English, reading at fifth grade level in first grade and attaining a 12th grade vocabulary in sixth grade. I went on to get a Master's degree, taught English for a year at the junior college level, worked as a proofreader for my local newspaper and currently work at my local public library. I don't think I was affected academically by my initial difficulties, but I think it did affect me socially. Most of the time, I feel normal, but then I do something incredibly stupid that defeats that viewpoint.

I believe I have unlearned many of the negative behaviors I had as a child: crying, blowing things out of proportion and talking about my favorite subjects endlessly. (Okay, I still talk about my favorite subjects on the internet.) Traits I have kept include love of animals, a love of reading and writing and a good memory. Those I wouldn't want to lose.

You cannot "unlearn" Asperger's, but you can unlearn or minimize some of the more socially unacceptable traits. It's called growing up.

That being said, I still have a way to go yet unlearning other traits, such as shyness and nervousness in crucial situations. I believe I could accomplish a lot more if I worked on these things.

To me, it's not a matter of "unlearning" Asperger's so much as it is learning NT norms. It doesn't automatically transform you into an NT... it just gives you another "mode" to operate in, if you wish to.

Baron Cohen is actually the Uk's leading authority on Autism and ASDs and runs a centre in Cambridge that currently has funding for free adult diagnosis. He is very well reputed, regardless of his name...

Is he any relation? Remember, Sacha is actually Jewish, so he's just poking fun at himself with Borat...

Oh my GAWD, you changed your avatar AGAIN That Hair!
And nope, don't think there is any relation between the two... Baron Cohen designed the SQ and AQ tests, of course.

Congrats on taking a position we don't see very often here. I respect the views of one and all, so please nobody take offense at an observation, but the tendency of posts here is - in my words - to run with, perhaps even celebrate autism and its characteristic manifestations.

Again, I have no grounds or will to pass judgment, but some common - and respectable - themes we have on this forum:

* Because AS brains are not conducive to extroversion and socialization, we are better off living socially cloistered lives in our carefully constructed worlds; which thanks to the Internet and forums like this, can be made bearable and even meaningful.
* As an extension of the latter point, some go so far as to say that the opposite approach - the one described in this thread - is a de facto recipe for failure, suffering, and futility.
* The problem lies not with AS victims, but with the outside world that dishes out judgment. Because we have little control over our unorthodox to outworldly behavior, NT's should have the courtesy to educate themselves, understand our position, and learn to accept us for who we are. Not often, but every now and then, these posts manifest themselves as either covert or overt hostility towards those differently-wired than us.
* AS is nothing but a gift disguised as an affliction, and we should learn to love and accept ourselves as who we are, as defined by our diagnosis. Yeah, of course we're all pros at math and memorization, that's cool without saying. But echolalia is actually entertaining, the minuscule details are in reality more fun than the big picture, and the World of Warcraft has more to offer than Planet Earth - hands down, any day of the week.

This will be the last and final disclaimer here: please accept these as observations and not judgments, both of which are inherently subjective and value-free. And in that very spirit, I - myself - have found these ideas interesting and thought-provoking, but not terribly helpful at the end of the day. Why? The more or less simple reason that in my experience, AS has been a more destructive than constructive force in my life. The most miserable years of my life were a direct outgrowth of my opposition and detachment from the world around me, and my happiest days came about when I reached out and tried to live in harmony with the NT world I am embedded within. The correlation is so close that I seek to claim that life as my own by unlearning or overcoming my most destructive AS traits, and after a brutal crash course in what did and did not work in this regard (Hint: Negative and self-punishing attitudes are the most counter-productive force imaginable in this regard), I have nothing but positive developments to reflect upon.

This by all means doesn't work well for everyone, perhaps even most people here. This is, however, working well for me, seems to be working well for the original author of this post, and I'd be curious to know if anyone else feels the same. I always learn best with the constructive feedback of others, and I would be very curious to see if anyone else wants to keep this discussion going, perhaps find a way to work more on the compelling thesis established by this thread's original author.

Ben

Everyone thanks for your posts!

Ben that's a great nickname, 'Exhausted Imposter' - that absolutely, absolutely resonates with me. So do your comments on the (unfashionable) reality of how AS systemising in our heads impacts our lives, in terms of difficulties in empathising and connecting with others.
But what I'm finding is that maybe you don't have to be an imposter; that if you stop 'trying' to be an NT, you take off the helmet you're wearing, that maybe you'll find you can empathise and connect. (Another model might be riding a bike; if you stop trying to work it out, stop concentrating on what each of the parts of your body is doing, that you may just find you have another semi-subconscious tool-kit for managing things like balance, and then you can bicycle). That's the journey I'm on, and it's good so far.

You'll have to forgive, a comment that was the product of a strange sense of humour and a very long day. I'm sure he's a jolly decent chap.

To use the cliche: I want to be the best me I can be. But I think some of the best of me comes from the AS angle. I do applaud the research you've done & links you've included on your site, though I haven't looked-into them thoroughly yet. I think we can adapt to varying extents, but I'm not so sure we can change the essential substance of what we are, if that's what you're talking about.

Trying to change too much may be playing with fire. Have any of you read Elizabeth Moon's sci-fi novel "The Speed of Dark" about autistics/AS spectrum people in a time where characteristics can be changed? It's highly thought-provoking (it was to me, anyway). Interestingly, the author is the mother of an autistic son.

To me, MMO's don't have more to offer, they are merely a different platform for observation. *shrugs*

Our lack of empathy is a myth. It often appears we don't have empathy because we have an incomplete ToM, but as Attwood says, the number of puzzle pieces increase as we age. When I grew up, it was customary to teach all children deportment and good manners and I apparently have suffered much less than others here because I was taught the correct thing to say at a very early age and understood that everyone behaved in the same way because it was simply good manners.

I'll look into it sounds like it's worthy of serious consideration.

I believe they are related. link

Last edited by 0_equals_true on 22 Apr 2007, 1:22 pm, edited 2 times in total.

They are cousins!

Unless you are absolutely brilliant in your field and incredibly good looking it's going to be hard to get along in life without some social skills.

If you want to learn NT skills, go to a psychologist and tell him you want social skills training or cognitive therapy. I'm seeing a shrink twice a month for cog therapy and it's really helping me change my behavior.

Good luck to you!