How to ask "What did I do wrong?"

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People talk about theory of mind, but I believe there also exists theory of language.

Conversation is a game that we play a back and forth until we reach satifaction. We desire to influence others and when we can't get satisfaction our mood sours. It may be that you're simply not collapsing under your parents arguments. Your parents simply can't accept you differing in ideas to them.

I try to be really reasonable with my family members but its hard because they sometimes misconstrue what I'm saying. I liked to think of myself as the reasonable one not impenetrable to logic but sometimes other people are wrong.

I think what you should do is record what kind of conversation causes this rift with you and your parents and really analyze it.

If you find your parent's too greedy for victory in this game, you might have to say well its time to grow up and be an adult.

Then he'd better pay for the therapy himself. If his parents pay, the therapist can't be expected to insult them by telling them they are the dysfunctional ones. The dysfunctional one is the one who can't make a living for himself and stays at his parents' home, giving them trouble to boot.

And, even if he does pay for the therapy, his parents still have every right to tell him to move out of their home and not come back if he thinks they're so dysfunctional.

The bottom line is that, in such a situation, you have to accept that you are the only dysfunctional one, by axiom. Evidence and logic don't matter, because considering them rationally is disrespectful, unappreciative and offensive.

Spiderpig, not all parents are like yours, even if on the surface their behavior is similar or identical. There are parents who are blatantly abusive towards their children who are able to change their behavior and thought patterns, and to manage the feelings, that underlie that behavior. (They are in the minority, but they exist.)



Plenty of people pay for therapy services and have the therapist tell them things they don't want to hear or find offensive.

Unless the therapist is incompetent or committing deliberate malpractice, they will provide an honest opinion about whether or not the parents' beahvior is dysfunctional (although they may not actually say "your behavior is dysfunctional") -- who pays the therapist should not be relevent.

It's a very common thing for therapists to tell parents about what they're doing that's dysfunctional, unhealthy, causing problems with communication, or harming their child, because dysfunctional/problematic/unhealthy behavior and communication problems are very common.

In conflicts, things can get so bad that one or both sides come to expect/believe that everything the other side says is somehow intended to offend/hurt/bully/disrespect them in some way; But people who are not part of the conflict can say the exact same things as the other side and it won't be interpreted as offensive at all. If OP's parents see the therapist as a neutral third-party, they might listen to the therapist and not be offended even if the therapist tells them things the OP has been trying to tell them for ages. Plus, people will often give more credibility to a therapist's perspective because of their professional training and expertise.



That may not be true at all. In many places, parents are legally obligated to care for their children until the age of 18 and to throw him out would be neglect or abandonment (depends on the laws).

OP hasn't even said anything about his parents threatening to kick him out, so I don't have any reason to think it's something he needs to worry about right now.

Maybe after the altercation you could write your thoughts down and send your parents a text message/email. This will give you time to think about what you want to say and you can get it across better.

They will maybe then understand where your coming from , and how important it is to you that you learn from your "mistakes".

Just an idea

^
Sounds like a good idea

Or they simply dismiss you as a troll.