Nobody likes what I like, so I just don't talk anymore.

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BioLife
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12 Mar 2016, 5:05 pm

League_Girl wrote:

I guess that is a good strategy to have so you won't ramble on about them or talk about them all the time.

I have enough self-awareness and have worked on social skills enough that this is not even remotely a problem.

BioLife
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12 Mar 2016, 5:11 pm

SocOfAutism wrote:

redrobin62 wrote:

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Oh man, you could put together some fantastic dinner party conversations! All of that is interesting!

I'm a big believer in Dale Carnegie for regular every day social skills. He advocated simply letting the other person run on about whatever they were into and letting them be the expert even if they weren't. Everyone likes to think they're smart.

I'm the same way and have basically perfected this strategy, but it's more of a way to get on with people, not be fulfilled personally. It does make me appreciate the few people in my life I can have unrestrained conversation with, but it gets pretty tiring and even bothersome to feel like you have to go through the motions and waste so much time sitting there letting people ramble all the time. Most people have no desire to have an actual dialogue. They just want to talk about themselves for hours on end without any real input. Generally I'd rather just not engage such people at all.

AspieUtah
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12 Mar 2016, 5:20 pm

I agree BioLife. I remind myself when some individuals are using the conversation to score points, or debate, or potificate about their ideas instead of sharing dialogue, that "I can become really stupid, really quick." They ask a self-serving question, I reply with "Hm, I dunno. What's your opinion?" Of course, using a convincing tone of voice is important to carry it off; and, my masking can seem convincing. But, I don't like being used only as a conversational foil ... a wall of which the other speaker wants to try out his or her monologue.

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BioLife
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12 Mar 2016, 5:26 pm

DevilKisses wrote:

BioLife wrote:

I have developed a wealth of knowledge over the years as my special interests typically only last weeks to a few years at most, and I'm also often juggling several at once. As I've gotten older (I'm 27 now), my interests have gotten more broad and varied. I think many of my interests are quite normal! However, I've found that a) 90% of people really only engage in conversation so that THEY can speak, b) people don't actually care about learning anything ever, and c) few people seem to be interested in any of the things I'm interested in. Because of this, I've adopted the "strategy" of just not talking any more. Any time I try to have a conversation with people they either interrupt me before I've said 4 consecutive sentences, have no idea wtf I'm talking about, or show they have zero interest in anything I say even when it's on topic, so I just don't talk. I find it pretty hypocritical of people actually, because I've spent significant time with many people who will talk AT me for literally an hour straight with virtually no input from me at all but then more or less tell me to shut up if I try to talk for even 5 minutes allowing for input from them. It's both frustrating and disappointing.

That sucks. Are the people who are interrupting you the same people who talk at you for an hour? What topics do they talk at you about? Most NTs barely talk in complete sentences, so it makes sense they'll interrupt you when you're talking for more than one sentence. What I try to do is say one short and somewhat on topic sentence about something I'm interested in. If the other person seems interested I continue talking, if they don't I let them change the subject. Unfortunately I often don't have enough energy to do that, so I end up torturing people with my obsessions or avoiding them.

The problem is not that I don't know how to converse with people. The problem is that it is not enjoyable for me to even bother trying since so few people are capable of shutting up long enough to let the other person articulate a thought.

BioLife
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12 Mar 2016, 5:28 pm

naturalplastic wrote:

The OP is upset that folks wont allow him to go "four consecutive sentences" with out them interrupting him. Most people (NT or otherwise) are lucky if others will allow them to go four words without interrupting them!

And here's the thing: would YOU allow someone else (who is not your teacher, or professor) go for four sentences without you interrupting THEM? Thats a lot talking for one person to do with out the other speaking.

No it's not. Many people like me specifically because I'm "easy to talk to" because I say so little and just let them talk and get their thoughts out.

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12 Mar 2016, 5:43 pm

BioLife wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

I guess that is a good strategy to have so you won't ramble on about them or talk about them all the time.

I have enough self-awareness and have worked on social skills enough that this is not even remotely a problem.

I don't.

Misery
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12 Mar 2016, 7:07 pm

SocOfAutism wrote:

I've heard of this sort of thing before.

Never understood it. It's not even a conversation if the other person rambles endlessly while I'm not actually paying much attention. In that case, why bother? I usually just leave when that starts happening. Or more likely, just avoid social situations in the first place.

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13 Mar 2016, 12:01 am

It's getting to that point for me at work. The thing that makes it even harder is that my job coach expects me to make small talk. I was given some heat from my boss for talking to a once trusted co-worker about Germany and England. That shut me up very quickly. Now, I just bring my art to work and do bits and pieces of it during my breaks now. I also have such a position on the clock that I'm in the lunch room a half an hour before anybody else thinks about taking their breaks, so I don't have to worry about making that same mistake. That happened 8 weeks ago and I will never forget.

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QuillAlba
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13 Mar 2016, 12:03 am

CockneyRebel wrote:

Don't mention the war.

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13 Mar 2016, 12:20 am

QuillAlba wrote:

CockneyRebel wrote:

Don't mention the war.

That's very good advice. Thank you.

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greenylynx
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13 Mar 2016, 12:23 am

I recently started allowing myself to not try and force small talk to happen. It's actually really helped with my anxiety and concentration. It also feels nice to be left alone most of the time as well.

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13 Mar 2016, 12:40 am

Perhaps I should stop trying to force small talk. It only makes me feel uneasy.

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13 Mar 2016, 12:48 am

Camrey wrote:

I can pretty much relate. I'm autistic and deaf, so yeah, communication, not my thing. Then, when I do gain a bit of confidence, someone just stares blankly at me until I stop talking/signing and then goes to talk/sign to someone else..I don't really do well in the hearing or deaf world. *Retreats back into the online world*

welcome to our club

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13 Mar 2016, 12:51 am

auntblabby wrote:

Camrey wrote:

welcome to our club

I also have a warm welcome.

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Skurvey
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14 Mar 2016, 3:09 am

I relate to this one too - over the years I have found that more often than not people are bored with my conversation or I am a conversation stopper - whatever it is - I have learnt to just be silent most of the time - to the point where now I find it hard to get vocal and get my words mixed up and stutter

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28 Mar 2021, 3:49 pm

A few years ago, I decided Its best I keep a lid on stuff I'm interested in and in some situations my own personal life. I have no problem talking about my interests online, like on YouTube, Facebook groups, or places like that. With family I keep it very limited. At work, anymore I hardly even talk period.

This might sound strange, but I feel if I talk about my interests, in some ways I'm opening myself up to hearing "that's stupid" " A waste of time" or you should be doing X. I feel if I keep them to myself, then they won't be belittled or made fun of.

What gets me is, some can ramble on and on about sports, that's ok but things I'm interested in are not ok.

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