Is Socializing hard for you?

Post Reply New Topic

Another thing that is hard for me is when people are talking about something that I am interested in and I can't keep up with the topic and it gets real frustrating.

Yeah. I don't know how to keep up with the conversation and fit in, and also I'm awkward because I'm worried someone will say something that upsets me.

One on one socializing is what I prefer, although I can tolerate a small group of people for a short time. Anything bigger than that, and I get overwhelmed. Socializing is fairly easy for me if it's with someone I'm friends with or know well enough. If a person comes up to me out of the blue to socialize, I'm usually so caught off guard that I don't know what to do. In addition, even if it's with a good friend, I can only socialize so much before I become tired and overwhelmed.

One on one, quiet environment, shared interests and I can do ok. No more than two. Three and it gets confusing. Made it very difficult when doing 'couples things.' I tend to start overloading soon after that. That's when the filter starts to falter and perceiving the surroundings gets wonky.

I had the most trouble in the middle of my life so far. Early on I wasn't very self-aware, so I wasn't nervous and it was easier. Then there was a long period where I was bad at it and knew, so that made it worse.

Very hard. First, i feel like I have nothing in common. I don't follow movie stars or watch sports. My own interests are not interesting to NT people. I can do OK socially if i am with like minded people. IE talking about caving at a caving event. Drinking helped loosen me up a bit and lower my anxiety. That's not an option anymore. having the AS diagnosis helps me be less self concious which is good. I can just revel in my zanyness. Still pretty much a loner.
Question... Is "lonerness" natural for me or did I learn it as a coping mechanism? Nature/nurture?

Oh yes. I get so worn out after socializing with someone for a long amount of time, and eventually I just want the conversation to be over so I can relax. There are so many things I have to focus on, like what to say next, what questions to ask to keep the conversation going, how to adapt to changed topics, etc. I'm all right when it's just one other person I'm talking to, but when I'm in a group of three, it sucks because I can't keep up with what they're talking about or have no interest in it, and I always end up feeling left out of the conversation.

Earlier today I was walking between classes when a girl came up to me and asked my name. As we were talking I got rather nervous and started instinctively keeping my distance and looking away until I forced myself to get a bit closer and look at her. She asked me a bit about myself and I answered mostly using memorized responses prapared for situations like this, and then remembered to ask something about her so I repeated one of the questions she asked me, and after she answered I was rather relieved to be at my class. Almost every time I get nervous in a conversation like that (which regularly happens when I try to talk to girls) my autistic traits start showing as I loose focus, and it doesn't help when I am taken off guard.

I don't understand "small talk." I don't like parties unless it's for a definite, structured activity such as watching a movie or playing games. I just joined a group of adult autistics and I went on an outing with them and it was so much fun talking with people who are just as clueless about socializing as I am.

Sometimes it's harder than others. I tend to get worn out in social situations but I can push through if I want to.

I havent had a social life since high
School. People at work used to invite me out but i turned them down . I wanted to go out with them but figured it wouldnt go well because of my asperger's and limited social skills. I would probably ait there feeling akward until it was time to leave.