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Aspergers/Autism vs NT People

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Gematron
Snowy Owl
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05 Apr 2016, 7:28 pm

Kitty4670 wrote:
I wish I know someone who has Aspergers, it is easier to talk to people on WP than talking to my family, I email my cousin, she listen to me complaining about my sister & I can't talk to my grandmother very much, she won't understand. I been going to a coffee house, I'm talking to this one person, she is nice & I really like talking to her, she works there. But it can get pretty lonely & I feel soooo alone, I feel like it's me vs the world.


I feel your pain. I've been dying to meet another Aspie. It gets tiring being the only one different and not having someone to relate to. I definitely feel more alone when i'm with a group of people or even some of my NT friends and I just can't relate or figure out their conversations or what they mean. Plus I can't do small talk all the time. I just sometimes want someone to have a deep or interesting conversation with. So far it's all been wishful thinking



Unfortunate_Aspie_
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05 Apr 2016, 8:58 pm

zkydz wrote:
I just think that finding people who can be a good 'fit' in real life for us, no matter with whom, will always be difficult.

The time I spend here is not the same as in real life. It is a social interaction that does not require my complete attendance. I can float in and out. I can take time to respond. I can still get that royally messed up. I find like minded people here. Like minded as in understanding of issues that are strange to the population at large. Not like minded as in agreeing on things.

But, in real life? Would I be any better at picking up on social cues? Would we be more permittant with each other recognizing things are harder? Would we be just as cut off as from any other person?

Being ASD does not make me part of a club that allows instant repertoire between members. But it does, as mentioned, mean that somewhere (like here) I can finally, in all my life, say things that people can understand. But, would that translate into real life with all its attendant issues?

Well, I find the issue is a bit two-fold for me.
Like, if the person is witty and autistic then we just get along swimmingly. It helps if we have the same special interests.

I remember meeting one girl- she was describing what having a special interest is like- and before I realized I was autistic too- I was like- SO WHAT!?! How is THAT being autistic?? I do that ALL of the time and I'm not autistic. I'm just like that and I'm not autistic! No one ever called me autistic. Why does she get to do that and I'm a freak, but she gets called "autistic" <- I laugh now when I think about it! I was like- "You sound so normal too me! You remind me of me! :lol: "
I was like... how is that any different... from... GAHH! I just threw my hands up in defeat because I didn't understand how we were any different (why wasn't that a hint??!)

But anyway, I mean she had a different special interest, and I was REALLY REALLY! bored listening to her talk about what she wanted ...and she talked and talked AND TALKED on and on about these spy movies and military history ugh super boring stuff to me. :lol: But she got along really well with the other history people, the NT history fans loved her. But she was nice so... just boring (to me only I guess). So we could have gotten along, but didn't not really..

If they are NT and like that, we get along WELL, BUT there is just a lot more...... miscommunication. Mostly from the NT assuming I mean one thing instead of another. The miscommunication is usually really one-sided because I have lots of practice decoding NTs (by necessity) but I just confuse them for a long while.
I would say the difference is how hard I have to fight for the other person to understand me.
I guess I have just been fortunate in that the people that I met that are autistic as well have gotten along with me well.



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05 Apr 2016, 9:08 pm

Unfortunate_Aspie_ wrote:
Like, if the person is witty and autistic then we just get along swimmingly.


Yes, I think a lot of these things are more about personality type than aspie-ness per se. In personality type I'm an INTJ, and I generally get along with other N's (though perhaps not NFJs so much). And by contrast, I can "get along" cordially with SFs and SJs of various kinds, but it's likely to be a superficial interaction because they seem to miss half of what I'm talking about. (And I'm referring not to aspies, but to anyone of these types; and they probably find me weird, too.)


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tatals
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05 Apr 2016, 10:17 pm

TheAP wrote:
I don't think it would necessarily make a difference. Most of the autistic people I've met don't seem to understand me either.


Yes. This.

I did have an autistic friend in high school, but we didn't share the same interests. And I suspect my boss is autistic, but he is exceedingly religious, so we don't get along that well.