Aspies with good social skills

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That's very interesting. So she wasn't disabled as a child because everyone accommodated her and accepted her. Now what if it were the other way around? What if someone grew up with having problems as a child and had many of the autistic traits but then they reach adulthood and bam all their issues disappear?

Also I wonder if the girl was home schooled. That would explain why everyone accommodated her.

I have good social skills but bear in mind my diagnosis was later in life and in the mean time I swam with the sharks.
I was always seen as slightly odd by people but had plenty of time to accept their social norms and learn to live by them. People with early diagnosis and protective guardians tend not to have this experience and this can hinder their development in the outside world.

I'll just quote from here.

So yeah, what Unfortunate_Aspie_ said is pretty much the kind of person I was referring to. For that kind of person, I was specifically thinking of my friend's dad. My friend is either BAP or barely on the spectrum, and his kid has a solid autism diagnosis. My friend and I both think his dad is also on the spectrum, but his dad is always saying negative things about autism and we have both had to correct him from saying politically incorrect things. It's a shame that my friend's dad doesn't know that he's on the autism spectrum, because he's done a lot of positive, important things and if he were able to embrace this, it would be really empowering. But it's no one else's place to tell him what he "is" so no one suggests that he is autistic and he doesn't seem to know.

The other kind of person I like to use as an example is David Lynch, who has never admitted to being on the autism spectrum, but is assumed to be by people familiar with his work and familiar with autism. I'm sure that David Lynch did and still does encounter problems associated with autism, but a person who is as wildly successful and powerful as that cannot really be compared to the rest of us and perhaps cannot accurately remember when he was just a regular person. People also often cite Bill Gates, who could buy and sell most countries. I don't think many of us would pretend to compare ourselves to Bill Gates. So I like to say that people like this must be assumed to be out there, but we don't have their experiences and don't know how autism has helped or hindered them.

I intended to elaborate with a more specific answer, but this is quite lengthy and does somewhat elaborate.


Interesting -- I'm grateful for the insight. I have no idea where this comes from; I see drastic changes as stepping stones that instigate personal growth, for me challenge is stimulating. I wasn't fully aware most need time to recover emotionally and may even believe some goals to be impossible. Some think, "It's just the way I am, so I'll never change." so they never change.

I have no idea why I'm different, but I wish others could do it. I never stop to experience the negative emotion or think "This is impossible.", I'll immediately recover and consider what my next step is. What can I learn from my observations, and how do I take on this problem best? Sorry if this comes off as being boastful or condescending (I really dislike that behavior, so if it does then I'd appreciate the feedback).

I only learned about aspergers or ASD 1-2 months after my official diagnosis. Prior to that my parents just told me I was 'wrong' and that I needed help. While I did feel 'different', I never perceived my difference to be a problem. As I later found out, what my parents viewed as 'different' about me was very different to what I viewed as 'different'.

I'll provide a few examples that emphasized my difference at the time.
- Moved states & lost contact with all friends and relatives. I understood what this meant and knew that I'd likely never see any of them again, but it didn't bother me. I was more concerned over which toys I could bring. Actually, I was excited about the change because it was a new adventure; a challenge.
- Grandparent died within the same week. Upon being told, there was an abnormally long pause before I finally did anything. I expected to feel sad, but nothing happened. I quickly revisited my best memories with them, knowing I'd never see them again, but there was nothing. I tried to feel upset; I really wanted to. In the end I faked crying and tried to cover my face in a manner others would perceive as 'upset' or 'grieving'. It's like trying to follow a piece of string expecting to find something tied to the other end, but all you find is an end.

Anyway, it made me more aware that I was different. My family just thought I didn't understand what was going on, but I'd say it was pretty obvious. I still doubt my judgement on that; is it possible I don't truly understand? Apparently an autistic child may not completely understand, so the behavior can be explained by that. Personally, I think the person who said that is a moron.

I had read two books about Aspergers and 2-3 books on social skills, but I couldn't relate to the disorder and I knew almost everything in the 2-3 books on social skills. I was the complete opposite of the disorder, which really pissed me off. I confronted my parents but they just gave me the "aspergers is a spectrum" argument, and said I lied about reading the books because I couldn't give an on-the-spot breakdown of their contents.


IMO autism is has such a broad array of symptoms that it would benefit from more specific grouping, and methods that cater to those groups. I don't know about others, but from the outside it looks like a bunch of disorders lumped together for the sake of convenience. Actually, it's a perfect metaphor for the labels society creates and uses...

If you mean aspies who can sync and conform with NTs, no I don't but I can as an act. I don't hide all my oddities.

If you mean aspies who gets gets along with an average NT, in my case, yes. To be honest, this is rather relative.

If you mean aspies who knows what to say and act instead of how, then yes. It's easy, but it makes me less true.

If you mean aspies who knows how to say things instead of what, yes, half the time.

If you mean aspies who can utilize connections, then yes. Even better than most NTs.

If you mean aspies who can take a hint, nope. I don't take hints, even if I detect one. I insist that they have to be direct to pass the message.

If you mean aspies who can charm people, yes I could. But I wouldn't. Doing so wouldn't be 'me'.


What part of social skills did I missed?

If you're capable of remembering people, by what they do, rather than what they say, you are a gifted lie detector or judge of moral character.

An excellent recollection of trivia might give you a panic attack, when remembering social stresses. It might keep you awake, for days.

Most people, though, are playing by an internal set of rules, so are reasonably predictable, several steps in advance.

If Aspies march to the beat of a different drum, while in sensory overload, NT's are pedants and creatures of habit, with inertia, but little spontaneity.



(Pardon me. Mainly edited for grammar.)

Aspergers and autism isn't a social disorder it's a neurological disorder that is most apparent in a social and communication area.

Generally difficulty socializing and communicating is a big symptom that is most often present.

Social skills such as manners and social etiquette CAN be learned as can learning simple facial expressions and body language, but it's not inborn.


I would say: it's likely a person diagnosed with aspergers and autism with PERFECT social skills is misdiagnosed.

I'd say I have decent social skills in some settings. I'm 30 years old and I've learned a lot over the years. I still have problems with some environments and sometimes I feel 'off' even in familiar ones. That's the catch, in my opinion. If you feel completely comfortable socializing, then you're probably misdiagnosed.

Yeah, but you could have perfect social skills that are all fake.

I think what I'm seeing from OP (correct me if I'm wrong, OP) is an autistic type with very high self-esteem and confidence which some might say borders on elitism (I'm not insulting you, I don't think that's bad). A recognition that one is different and has to put in extra effort to appear "normal" but with no underlying feeling that the difference is negative in any way.

I don't think this is a common way to be, but I have met people like this before. I think a person like this really could be autistic but could find that they don't agree with some of the things other people say about autism because they don't find autism to be a problem. Most people on the spectrum have both positive and debilitating aspects of autism that they deal with.

If this is what is going on with the OP, I would just say to make sure that you have time where you don't have to fake things, even if that means you spend some time alone. Just so you can rest and recharge your batteries.

I disagree. That is most likely social anxiety right there and I know someone who is autistic who feels competently comfortable socializing but his social skills are very poor because he will talk at you and you can't get a word in edgewise. His peers are either children under age 7 or people above 65 or his old teachers he had or his autistic buddies and buddies with low IQs. Plus I knew another guy once and he also liked socializing and he was non verbal but because he liked to be with people, a doctor said he just had a low IQ but yet when he was a young child, he was wild and all over and screaming but he was now mellow after he has had years of therapy. He was diagnosed by the same psychiatrist as me. Some people on the spectrum are social but it doesn't always mean they have good social skills.

I find it easier to write about social confrontations, after they are done and over with.

But, it's unrealistic, to be diagramming people's sentences, in the course of a conversation.

Being fluent and giving an analysis are two different social skills.

And, I am oftentimes weak, in terms of fluency.

I press one button, and hours of consideration are condensed into seconds of reading.

And, I can fix it, later.

I don't find that I talk this way, in real life.

I see. That's interesting. I feel very comfortable in some environments and with some people, but I feel 'lost' in others, like big social situations, a lot of people, etc. I thought every autistic person had that (in some measure).

Social anxiety is a big part of autism but what I am saying is being social and comfortable in social situations doesn't necessarily mean one isn't autistic.

I agree with part of what you said; I'll try to elaborate.

The reason I came here was to learn where I may or may not differ from people with aspergers, and in particular how my lack of negative emotions (and some positive) plays into that. It's isolating but in a different to what others may feel; it's more of an indifference. I acknowledge that most people have problems with confidence, they can be put down and their self-image is easily damaged, and they feel bad after insulting a friend. I can't relate to those things for some reason. Similarly, I can't relate when others feel more positive emotions than I do, but I do feel them (mainly amusement and interest).

I tried putting myself down emotionally. Nothing. Harmful comments don't do any damage either. I can be irritated, angered, and frustrated in some cases, but each time it happens I become more resistant. Anywhere between the 1-3 time and it often loses any effect.

As for the sense of 'grandiosity' in my earlier messages, I accidentally let my mind get carried away with an imagined persona.

I stopped and thought for several minutes after reading "...with very high self-esteem and confidence". I'm capable of what I'm capable of. Once a problem is identified I ask what my options are, pick the most favorable option, and then I do it. I didn't understand how others could lack or gain confidence. I realized eventually, but that took far longer than it should have

I had to learn most of my behavior and reactions since they didn't come naturally, but it's more because there was no emotional response in the first place. I don't know if that classifies as autistic or not, but my understanding is that they have difficulty recognizing what emotions they are feeling and not whether they are at all.

I'm exactly the same way. When things are going smoothly, I appear mostly NT. When I'm stressed (or sometimes overly excited about something), then my ASD is a lot more obvious. Just today someone surprised me at working by asking for a task to be completed earlier than scheduled. I got flustered very quickly, although I did manage to collect myself without looking too frazzled (I hope).

I never understood that. There are no such thing as fake social skills.

Social skills are a learned behaviour.

There are inborn unwritten social skills such as standing arms distance, making eye contact, do you mean these? Because most autistic people are born without these inborn skills but can be taught.

I think if you had a normal social development you are likely not autistic.