Sympathy for objects but not humans

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I never know how to react when people are upset. If they're upset but not showing it then I usually won't notice, but if someone's crying or something then I never know what to say. I just stand there grimacing or say 'Oh right.'

I can completely relate to this. I've had to learn to fake it sometimes. I feel the empathy or I know its there but it seems to hit a wall before it can surface

I also feel like if I don't take care of my things I enjoy and care about then they will go away.

Yes, that has happened to me all my life -- in fact I discussed this in a thread on AutismWeb the other day. A parent was worried her son might be giving up on having friends because he was showing "friendship" toward some of his toys.

As I explained this is something that I have done all my life, for no explicable reason. I am better about it than I was as a kid, but I still find myself feeling sorry for objects that get thrown away on occasion, as well as growing at least somewhat attached to some objects, especially when faced with the decision of whether or not to get rid of them. It's possible that I am displacing my own fear of abandonment onto objects (or people) that I am thinking about "abandoning," and thus feeling empathy as though the person or object would view abandonment the way I would. This has been the case with me regardless of whether I have friends or not, so I would imagine that this is what the aforementioned parent will observe with her kid.

I wonder, since I'm seeing a lot of you confirm this in your posts, if it has to do with the way we view the world. Since we're not very social, maybe we view people and objects similarly as parts of our world, so we subconsciously apply feelings to all these major components even after our sense of reasoning learns to distinguish between them.

That sounds like me too. I don't do it for everything, but sometimes.

I'm like this with animals too, although that's not weird in that case since of course animals do have feelings and care about how you treat them.

The title of this thread was deeply familiar to me instantly. As a young child, I often would repair machines in our household, and was good at it because I could empathize with the mechanical parts. Almost like I could feel what they were physically going through -- the various stresses, torsions, pressures, and frictions I actually internalized them emotionally, and then "felt like" the malfunctioning machine. Engineers do this mentally, but I don't think they get emotional about it. I could be wrong, of course; nothing's more sorrowful for tech-type people than when their computers break down. But I'm talking about something different: sympathy for the parts themselves, the same kind you'd feel for an injured friend. It's milder as I've gotten older, but it's still there.

I think it is commonly called a TOM impairment.

Younger Aspies and many Auties have huge problems with Theory of Mind. For many of us, I think we grow to understand it on a basic level, and can even become very sympathetic / empathetic at times.

For example, the average 7 or 8 or 9 year old aspie will struggle with this: (Often done as a puppet show)

Sally and Anne are playing. Sally has a new Marble. She puts it in her box for safekeeping and goes away for awhile. While Sally is gone, Anne takes Sallys marble, and places it in her own box. When sally comes back, where will she look for the marble?

Most ASD children, will say "in annes box". They can't place themselves in Sallies shoes, and separate the thought that Sally does not know that Anne took the marble like they know. I am sure my son at even 9 years of age would have answered this incorrectly. At 12 though, it seems obvious, he knows sally will look in her own box, and have no idea why it is missing.

So, you can develop some TOM, and some As people can become very strong sympathisers, we do not lack "all empathy". But, I think most AS adults do struggle with it in many situations, particularly those that ask you to "do" something about the situation on an emotional level.

For example, I saw a post online once where a lady in my community due to custody hearings with her sons kids was not able to get things they needed for school. It was the night before school, and she had nothing, not food, nor clothes to send them off with. The custody hearing had taken up all her extra $$, and even most of her grocery money. I felt bad for her and her kids, and gathered up a bunch of second hand clothes my son had grown out of, (good stuff, just too small for him) I raided my own cupboards, and had my husband drive us 1/2 an hour away to her house to drop it all off. I think this is a good example of my symathy and compassion.

But if my kids are screaming, or I get a gift and I have to show appreciation, or if someone has really bad news and needs to be "comforted". I often just clam up and don't know what to do. sometimes this goes a step further where I get so emotionally detached, I actually want to "flee" or become angry at the individual, dispite the fact they really need me at the moment. I know it is wrong, but I just cannot emotionally give what the person needs. Although with my kids, I have been known to "fake it" when I have no other choice.

Yep...my whole life...I have bonded more with objects than with other people...Too groggy to articulate long winded response at the moment.

No....

EarthCalling, I got that wrong now...and I'm 25.

When we were still married, my ex would yell at me for being sad. In general, I think women want men to be tough-as-nails, except toward them, and not be soft emotional creatures inside. I understand that, but I wonder, does the following thought run through most womens' heads when their partners are very sad?: "You're pathetic." I mean, even when their wives/girlfriends are sympathetic on the outside, do they internally look down on their men for feeling sad? Are guys allowed to be sad?

Last edited by Ragtime on 01 May 2007, 9:35 am, edited 2 times in total.

As a child, I used to carry around a stuffed toy Siamese cat. I'm not attached to any objects today. I don't talk to my computer, unless it's to say, "Why is this thing so pokey slow today?"

That's more polite than 'come on you stupid f***ing thing' which is what I say lol
Of course, I always apologise afterwards. I do genuinely feel bad about it as well, because I love my computer. I just get frustrated really easily.

I too tend to be quite vulgar if something isn't working right, more than I am just in general.

I did this to my old CD walkman, eventually I shattered it on the ground and pitched it onto the road, 'THAT'LL TEACH YOU TO DEFY ME!" like it would actually you know.. listen or something.

That's the kind of thing I do. It's annoying though because I'm not an aggressive person or anything usually, it's just when something isn't working properly, like the internet etc. It drives me mad.

There is a recent study using MRI,that found that people with Autism actually "see" peoples faces in a different area of their brains....the object area.... .Just wonder how this might relate?

I have always had a cnnection to nature....rocks,bugs,trees,plants,moss.....stuffed animals were very real to me and I often empathised with them.I remember that I use to kiss one of my favorite bears and one day I realized he may not like it(boundary issue)so I stopped because I didnt want to exploit him(I was about 13 and had no boys to kiss.... )

I thank my car for starting when it is cold.I am a compulsive collector of garage sale/thriftstore stuff and have a lot of problems cleaning lately because I dont want to throw any thing away....I actually feel really good when I dumpster dive and save something from the worse future imaginable....a landfill...they are so yucky.

And than you get upset because not only did your fit not make it work but it broke it.

A couple of months ago someone on here mentioned shouting 'you filthy whore!' at her vaccuum cleaner, which made me ROFL!