ASD and your emotions?

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I get too emotional sometimes. The worst thing about is that my negative emotions are like a bucket, and every time something happens to upset me, a drop goes in that bucket. Sometimes several drops, sometimes several cups, until eventually enough sucky things happen and the bucket overflows or I knock it over in a rage. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

People can't seem to understand that when my bucket is full, there's no way it's going to get less full. When it overflows, it overflows, and everyone had just better leave me alone until it's empty again. No telling me to cool it or cope with it or ,worst of all, just get over it, less they get splashed. Also my bucket seems smaller than those of NT's, so it fills up faster.

I express sadness by crying. Other than that, I apparently show no other emotion on the outside. My mom said recently that I appear to be in a permanent state of calm. Even though my mind is total panic and chaos a lot of the time.

My emotions can be so intense. But I am often told that I am very bright when it comes to emotions, although I'm not so good at dealing with emotions like anger, I am really good at identifying my emotions and other people's. I am very good at elaborating why me or someone else feels a certain way.

This is something i have been thinking about all my life, and too have found it hard to explain how i feel beyond the base line, for me when i have explained it, i mention its like being in a dark room and someone suddenly coming up behind you and saying ""Boo"", you get a shock and a surge of anxious adrenaline, its the anxious adrenaline feeling that i constantly feel, a level of sadness, that always has a small lump in my throat, Even when i laugh at something the emotion i feel doesn't really change and am a little perplexed by that. what some people feel occasionally now and again i have feel every second, everyday.. and when the glass gets a little too full so to speak i take a deep breath in and exhale, which relieves some of the excess a little, and some think im sighing, or am bored or not happy with a situation, when all i am doing is trying to constantly keep it together. I do get other feelings like the Braingasm, so to speak, when i hear certain musical sounds i will feel a feeling like all the hairs on my face stand up and a shiver that actually feels quit nice go down through to my legs where it fizzles out slowly for a few seconds, i get excited about a topic im interested in, IE bitcoin the last couple of years and start talking like the clappers and my arms going all over the place, then have to stop myself because i then realize, people only want the short version of things, but i cant do that, everything has to be told from beginning to end so i can portray the right picture... I feel deep levels of empathy toward people that feel pain, as i know how that feels, and it is one of my hypersensitive areas, i am aware how people feel often, im just not very good with the subtleties of body language and reading between the lines... I was most content when i was surfing and in the coastguard, but the feelings of happiness, im not really too sure about. I think i feel them when im in a relationship with someone and i think they get me ( always wrong there!, dangit) I suppose because that was one of my dreams as a kid... So all in all it tends to be a constant somewhat negative feeling that flows with intensity... it is pure hell, but theres not much other option other than to deal with it.. I always said i reckon an NT would last about 30 seconds in my body before they would be screaming that they changed their minds! lol... It is what it is and i do appreciate the beautiful natural world we live in, but everyday is like having to learn a new language in many ways.. the problem is, i care and trust too much

I'd say I am a very emotional person that tries to hide and bottle things up, lot of anxiety lot of depression but I am quick to get excited(I try not to) and quicker to be disappointed. I am a very self-conscious person, I use to have more of a temper but I've mellowed out since my teen years. What I really lack are the ups, plenty of downs. I am always thinking worrying about something.

I appear to express little to no emotion on my contour, yet in reality, I am either screaming in terror or sadness or squealing with pure delight inside. Expressing my feelings is tremendously-difficult because of the fact that I practically have no one to talk to, hence why I either write it out in musings or in poetry, or simply bottle it all up inside. I can go through extreme periods of greater social withdraw coupled with depression; in fact, I'd probably qualify for a co-morbid depression diagnosis.

I have a baseline of emotions, at which I have virtually no idea about how I feel. Then, I have extreme emotions which I can identify very readily. There is very little in between.

I was horrible nurse. If a patient came and told me they're in pain, I doubt it immediately just for the fact they're even able to come up to me to tell me that. Now, if they came up to me slowly and hunched over and clutching their abdomen and have a beet red face, then I'd believe it. (I'm being a little extreme here to illustrate my reactions to emotions).

I don't cry. I can, but you'd really have to put a heated sledgehammer to my knee for that to happen, and even then I still won't cry.

Hearing and seeing people cry actually annoys me to death. I can't stand it. When I'm watching TV and somebody starts crying about some nonsense, I turn the channel.

When people in the street, or wherever, look at babies or kittens and go, "awww!" I want to shoot myself in the face.

And how people are able to laugh at the most ridiculous pictures on their cellphones mystifies me, it's like they have no intellect or reasoning as to why what they're seeing is possible.

Maybe I'm just a heartless bastard because I didn't cry when my father and mother died. In fact, there was no sadness at all. People die, it was their turn. That's how I saw it.

Alexithymic here.
Which ironically enough is only a problem when I have a strong enough emotion to make me (a) realise I have one (b) don't understand what it is and (c) don't know what to do about it.