Why does giving excuses anger people?

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I am ok with people saying they just couldn't do something for no particular reason.
For example, yesterday I said I failed to do something because I couldn't get it together to do it.
If there was some reason that really prevented someone from doing something, it is fine to give it, in those cases there is usually just a single reason, e.g. my car broke down so I couldn't...
The cases of someone not doing something and not taking responsibilty is when they give a long list of reasons that are marginally related to the thing, and the real summary is that they couldn't get it together to do it.
So I would prefer they said the real reason and took responsibilty instead of shirking responsbility to some long list of reasons.
Also, some people show themselves to be excuse makers over time of seeing them give long lists of reasons for repeatedly not doing things they said they would do, so there can be frustration with a general pattern of behavior.
Also, there might be anger because people feel they are being manipulated, especially if repeatedly by chronic excuse maker.
Excuse making is a kind of manipulation where the excuse maker wants to control how the other person thinks of them, but it usually makes things worse than just saying the truth of failing.

I had a boyfriend who was full of excuses. Every time I came up with a solution to his problem so he can do it, he always had an excuse for it. For example:

Me: I have an idea for how you can get to work. You go to work with me and I will take you to work when it's about time for your shift to start.
Him: No I don't want to hang out at your work and do nothing
Me: You can use my CD player and listen to your songs and also play my Nintendo DS and my Game Boy
Him: I don't want to wait in the car and be hot
Me: You can wait wait inside where it's cool, they have a TV you can watch
Him: But then I will look ret*d in my uniform
Me: So wear your regular clothes
Him: My boss wouldn't like me bringing in my stuff and leaving it laying around
Me: So change in the restroom into your work uniform before leaving
Him: I'll look ret*d there
Me: How so? You won't be wearing your work uniform, you will be in your regular clothes and then go change when it's time to leave and you can leave your stuff in my car when you go to work
Him: People will think I'm ret*d sitting there watching TV and playing video games
Me thinking: Oh for Pete's sake

Excuses excuses excuses. Excuses after the other so I have to think this was all manipulation there because he just didn't want to work period so he used my parents going off to Wisconsin for three weeks as an excuse to not work those three weeks and then I took that away with my idea and he had to find more excuses. I am sure he had genuine ones too but I wouldn't know because he was a jerk anyway and always had excuses so rather any of them were real or not is irrelevant since we were not right for each other and he wasn't willing to work on any of his issues nor willing to change. And he said he didn't care what others thought and he turns around and does this to me I told above. Shooting down every solution I give him. Why not just be honest and just say 'I don't want to work for three weeks'? That will save all that hassle of my solutions and him giving excuses.

I think one of the problems is that "excuse" is a term with more than one definition. Sometimes it means "valid reason" (e.g. "at least you've got an excuse for getting that wrong, so I won't punish you"), other times it means "lame, dishonest reason" (e.g. "excuses, excuses! Now get it done by the time I return or I'll beat you senseless.") Stupid multiple-definition terms.

One time I made a mistake on a job that I was doing. It was pointed out by my boss and the department head that the mistake was related to. They brought it to my attention. I acknowledged it and told them as soon as I finished the job at hand (ten minutes) I would make the correction (another 20 minutes) and all was done.

I kept getting badgered in some strange way. Later then left. I got the jobs done. As I was finishing up my boss came in and asked why I didn't apologize. I asked why. I said I acknowledged the mistake and was almost finished. I got badgered some more about it and he left frustrated.

So, no excuses or reasons (I am defining excuse as lame attempt to get out of trouble and reason as relaying what happened) and I still got pilloried for not 'apologizing.' It's happened in other jobs with other organizations.

So, sometimes a reason or an excuse is not enough. For the most part, I think I fall into the 'this is what happened' and do not realize how it is coming across. But the apology thing puzzles me. Nobody was put out. Nobody had a delay in publication. No money was lost. So, why did the department head 'require' an apology so much that he had to take it up privately with my boss and, stridently enough that my boss had to come back and grill me on it.

More than once I've heard, "Well, you have an excuse for everything!" And that puzzles me because I just tend to relay facts and they usually run counter to their narrative or they just aren't interested in cause and effect or, something I just don't understand.

Some places have a blame culture in which it is necessary to identify who made a mistake and pillory that person.

That's becoming the entire US population. Nothing is anybody's fault. Everything has to be someone else's fault.

I don't think making an excuse once or occasionally is a problem, even if everyone and the person knows it is a purposeful excuse making to cover up for a failure. It is mainly when others recognize it as someone's chronic pattern of behavior that it is a problem and will negatively affect a person in work or school or relationships.

Kind of a problem when info dumping is your go to response. It's one of the things I am looking to get training on. What people really want.

Once, in an old job, I was asked if I would run the camera room for a day because I had prior experience with mechanical art cameras. I just said I didn't know how to run that camera and the boss gave me a dirty look. I asked why and he said he had to find someone to run the camera. I told him I would, but I would need to be trained.

It's that strange sort of communication pattern I have. I had always done what was asked because I have a strange set of very eclectic skills. I was just warning him that someone had to train me. But, it was taken as a non-compliance. I thought I was being pro-active to let him know it would take a short bit to get up to speed.

It's that lack of communicability that I have that screws me over as I struggle to keep up with conversations and the environments. Especially in a busy office in publishing.

In that case info-dumping is the problem, and people can recognize that you info-dump often, both when making excuses and not making excuses. If someone only info-dumps when excuse making, then that is just excuse making.

I don't make excuses. I give reasons. Why would you assume I make excuses?

Speaking as a manager, only info dump if there is mission critical information to deliver.

"I could not fix the sink because I had to take the dogs out for a walk, then Jake called and we lost track of time".

This is not mission critical. You can fix this yourself, so you do not need to info dump. Reassure the other person you are taking responsibility and will get it done, or ask probing questions about how to accomplish your mission if necessary.

"I do not have the part I need to fix the sink. I am going out to get it tomorrow morning".

This is mission critical. It also provides an solution timeline.

I really appreciate all of the points made in this thread.

I used to make the mistake all the time of sharing reasons and cause-and-effect chains with people, thinking that they, like me, would want to understand why people do what they do. If someone did this to me, I would try to empathize. I've come to learn that in certain contexts, people aren't interested in empathizing or understanding, especially the busier they are, the angrier they feel, or the more of an authority figure they are. They want my apology only.

This feels cold sometimes, like they're invalidating my attempt or difficulty. I also wonder, if they don't care enough to hear my reasons, how will they either trust me to change my behavior or forgive me for the mistake I made? Plus, isn't it in their best interest to understand reasons and help me change the cause-and-effect chains in the future? I do understand, however, that they may not intend either warmth or coldness, just extreme task orientation.

I'm sure that people who don't take responsibility ruin it for the rest of us in many cases, as do people who aren't actually interested in changing their behavior. It's all those people who say what they don't mean and don't say what they do mean.

Also, I know I have overcompensated for this by apologizing all the time or saying "Sorry." My friends comment on it, but it seems safer than not apologizing when someone might expect one. It also reflects that I feel sorry, even when I may not feel that it's my fault.. "Excuses." "Sorry." "Cold." "Warm." All ambiguous words.

Well, I do acknowledge my deficits now. I used to think I did not have these problems. So, working on the ways to communicate better.

But, you know, it's not just the outgoing information that is messed up. Many times, the incoming gets garbled too. That's a true GIGO situation. And, it really sucks to realize that in my 50s. LOL

Ya just gotta laugh or go nuts. Doing a little of both lately LOL

I've been there too, and felt invalidated just like you described. I'd unexpectedly ducked out of performing a bit of music, and initially got this "dammit, I'd told all my friends you were going to play, I'd been bragging to them about how good you are" thing, followed by "it's OK." I wanted to explain how it had happened, because the reasons couldn't have been apparent, but when I tried to explain, I got past the first half sentence when I was cut off with "you don't have to explain." These were people I'd never data-dumped on. I still don't understand how they could do that. I let somebody down, they don't want to know why, that hurts.

Mostly because info dumping is usually for your own benefit, and not the benefit of the person you are info dumping on.

In my anecdotal experience, about 70% of info dumps are about easing your own sense of guilt and mitigating negative perception. 15% are about seeking recognition so that you feel useful and validated. 15% are about real mission critical issues, where you need assistance or additional time to solve the issue.

A good boss needs to know why something failed, so that they can address those issues directly. A good boss also strives to make their minions feel validated and important. So listening to info dumps is an important part of being a boss. But at the same time, info dumpers often include too much information and should strive to be more succinct, and the available free time is often less than the number of people who want to info dump on you.

Not true. For many people on the spectrum, it is either a compulsion to answer as thoroughly as possible, or not having the filter to know when to stop.

This is exactly why we have troubles. This alone shows that you are applying an expectation of 'normality' to people that, well, the info dump is our normality.

Anecdotal evidence in this case could prove you to be a complete dork on this one. Here's why:

If 100% of the people you encounter are Autistic, then your numbers would be wrong completely. Even if you only encounter two autistic people you would still be wrong.

Ya know what? Many of us are working on that. WTF is the boss doing to help? Or the co-workers.

Basically a lot of aphorisms that really do not apply unless there is understanding that it is a problem. Most of us know it's a problem. Most of us can't contain it. Most of us are working on it in one way or another. But, the above is like getting told to just jump higher so we can do a dunk on the basketball court. Just ain't gonna happen.